Rhapsody in Green
by Inkess
Summary: It's been 22 years since Commander Shepard sacrificed herself, making Synthesis possible. During that time, the galaxy has enjoyed a period of peace and prosperity. Not everyone likes the new galactic order, and it's up to Garrus to prevent Shepard's dream from falling apart. Sequel to "No Shepard Without Vakarian". (Complete.)
1. Memories

**After finishing my first fan fic (No Shepard Without Vakarian) with the Synthesis ending, I decided to write a sequel to it, to show how would the galaxy look like 22 years after the war. Of course, Synthesis is the "sunshine and rainbows" ending, and we can't expect any problems whatsoever, can we?**

**I can't get enough of Garrus, so he'll be the main character. There'll be OCs too eventually (wish me luck with that).**

**Lastly, forgive the _very_ "original" title, I hate thinking them up.**

* * *

Chapter 1: Memories

Garrus sat in his garden, enjoying the beautiful morning on Palaven. He watched the hypnotically shifting glow of the circuits on the colorful flowers around him, just letting the time pass. For the first time in a long while, he was able to enjoy loitering around in peace.

There was a danger to all this peace and quiet, though. If he wasn't careful, the memories might resurface, and that he wouldn't allow. He was doing fine lately. Still, he couldn't help but ask himself: _Did I do the right thing? What would she say if she knew about it?_

He shook his head. _She_ hasn't been around to say anything for the last 22 years. He made his own decisions now and stood by them. He tried his best to follow the legacy she left them, to enjoy the time of peace, knowledge and prosperity. Sometimes, though, he wished she had simply blown the Reapers out of the sky when she had the chance. Many things would have been easier then.

Also, he sometimes wished he had a chance to show her these flowers, before they got the circuits. They were native to Palaven and his favorite, even after _the change_. He was sure she would have liked them, too.

Garrus sighed, and then forced himself to stop thinking about that. If he was in this mood today, what will happen in two days? He'll need a lot of brandy, he could already tell. At least he'll be able to excuse himself from one of those goddamn anniversary celebrations now, when every respectable turian and his brother were trying to-

His omni-tool beeped and displayed a blinking message: _Incoming video transmission from: unknown sender._ Garrus groaned as he brought his arm in front of his face and accepted it. _Of course the official statement won't be enough, _he thought, _I'll get bugged like this for a while._

Liara's face appeared, and she was scowling. _"What were you thinking, Garrus?"_ She asked, without a greeting, her shadowynature in full swing.

"Uh, nice to see you too, Liara." Garrus responded, buying some time. He didn't expect she'd be pissed off at his decision, in fact he hoped she would be one of the few people to understand.

Her expression melted a little, but the scowl remained. _"You were the best person for that job. Why step down?"_

"I _wasn't_ the best person for that job." He retorted. "I'm not good at making decisions that affect millions or billions."

_"What about honor?"_ Liara tried a different approach. _"What would the Hierarchy think about a Primarch who stepped down?"_

"It's not the same Hierarchy anymore. Everything changed, everywhere. You know that. It doesn't matter as much as it used to. I wasn't even next in the line of succession when I got asked to be Primarch."

_"Then why did you accept, if you thought you aren't good for it?"_ Liara asked the logical question.

Garrus hesitated with the answer, rubbing his forehead: "Because… at the time… it seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't know it would be like this. Now I just want some peace and quiet." The image of Liara wavered as he spoke, meaning his arm was trembling.

The true answer, and he knew it well, was that he accepted it because he thought that's what _she _would have wanted him to do. When he thought about it now, it wasn't a very good reason.

He took a deep breath and continued: "Listen, Liara, I couldn't do it anymore. If I had to make another speech which included the line '_The marauders are our friends now', _I think I would've spontaneously combusted. Teresa was good at speeches, not me."

Liara winced visibly when Teresa's name was mentioned, and her expression changed into something he couldn't quite identify. She said: _"Stop doing this to yourself, Garrus. Stop comparing your leadership skills to Teresa's. You're a fine leader on your ow- ugh, never mind."_

Garrus watched Liara cast her green eyes down (it would still catch his attention sometimes, although he got used to how everyone looked over time) and seemingly bite on her tongue. It looked like she said too much, or spoke about a difficult topic. It wasn't something he wanted to dwell on either. He used to love Commander Teresa Shepard with his mind, body and soul 22 years ago (and a part of him still did), but the commander-subordinate part of their relationship wasn't his favorite memory about her. He spoke reluctantly: "Maybe I'm a good leader in war, but in peace? Nah, I don't-."

Liara recovered in a few moments and cut in, not allowing him to continue. _"Listen… I didn't call to scold you. I'm sorry, my temper got the better of me. I wanted to invite you to spend the upcoming anniversary with us… the old gang. You always excused yourself with your 'precious primarch duties' for the past 22 years. Now you have no choice but to accept."_

"The old gang?" Garrus replied with a question, feeling like Liara was trying very hard to avoid the topic of leadership. It happened several times already since the change_, _but he never felt the need to pursue it, least of all now. He continued: "You, me, Tali… anyone else?"

There was the fourth person "in the gang", of course, but she wasn't available anymore.

_"Joker and EDI too. They are as much a part of the old gang as we are. Plus, they came up with a little ritual we hold every year. We enter the _Normandy_ and snoop around it before the regular visitors arrive. The museum staff lets us - we're _the_ heroes, after all."_ Liara's face displayed a big mocking grin at the last part.

Garrus found himself flexing his mandibles at her as a reply: "I'd be glad to. I miss the old girl. And the old gang. And I wasn't making excuses - do you know what an outrage would it be if the Primarch didn't show up for the anniversary celebration on Palaven? Now I finally have some time for myself." He truly meant every single word he said, and he hoped it showed in his voice.

Liara was still grinning. "_Agreed, then. _Shepard Memorial Museum_, London, Earth, the day after tomorrow, 7 AM local time - two hours before the visitors arrive. Don't be late._" With that, her face disappeared.

Garrus switched the omni-tool off, his mandibles still flexed in a turian grin. It seemed like he wouldn't need an outrageous amount of brandy to go through the anniversary.

* * *

The main battery chamber looked the same as it did when he returned the _Normandy_ to the Alliance after the war. He stood in the doorway and stared at the gun's console. Did really so many years pass since he optimized the _Normandy_'s firing algorithms last? He could recall the exact process without effort. Carried away by a sudden impulse, he approached the console and touched it, waiting for the familiar orange interface to show up…

Nothing happened. The console and the gun were put offline, the _Normandy's_ fighting days being in the past, along with the need for his calibrations. He sighed and backed away from the console, giving the familiar chamber one last look.

How many times was he here, seemingly absorbed by calibrating, but with his sharp senses turned towards the door actually, waiting for the familiar footsteps and scent to walk through it? Too many, he decided. Every single day, ever since he joined for the Collector mission, he would wait for her endless rounds to bring her to him, keeping his admiration to himself, never actually thinking he could win her over…

Garrus shook his head and turned away from the gun. He did win her over in the end, and that's all that mattered. He continued with his own round of the ship.

His footsteps carried him to the memorial wall. The plate he placed was still there, the white letters stinging his eyes as he passed by it. He didn't want to stop, there was no need to, but he found his feet glued to the floor when he reached the wall.

Garrus realized his arm was moving on its own, rising towards the plate. He gently ran his talons over it, just once. No need for more. He _moved on_. As he left the wall and entered the elevator, he whispered her full name and rank, almost like a prayer.

Again moving on its own, his hand pressed the button for Deck 1. _Well, _he thought, _this has to be done. If I can look at the cabin, then I have_ _really_ _moved on._

The elevator arrived. Garrus moved without hesitation, to find the door to the cabin locked. In a way, he was glad. He didn't want any stranger to poke around what was his home for several months.

The lock proved no match for him, however. It was an old, pre-change design, and he kept his skills up with the times as a hobby, whenever the "precious primarch duties" would allow. He was inside in seconds.

The lights were out, so Garrus switched his omni-tool to flashlight mode. It provided enough light to look at the cabin's interior.

It was easier than he imagined. There was almost nothing in there to remind him of their life there. The fish tank was dark and empty. There were no ships in the glass display. The bed was without cove-

The bed.

Garrus' mind was flooded with memories of what used to happen in that bed, and his pulse raced and breathing became uneven.

Fighting for self-control, he stared at an empty spot on the wall.

The wall. The wall was empty.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the picture he drew for them so long ago. 22 years hadn't been kind to a piece of paper, but he kept it carefully sealed. It was still in good condition.

He stared at it for a while, remembering the promise he made in this cabin, on the day he placed her name plate on the memorial wall. He took the picture off the wall and would always carry it with him, so he'll never be alone.

_"I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone."_

_"…Never."_

Their parting words echoed in his mind as he put the picture back into his pocket. If only he would believe they were true. There were many moments, especially long nights, when he felt very much alone. He tried to write it off to his own inability to let go, but couldn't help but wonder if she was indeed waiting for him in that bar as promised. When you turn your entire being into energy to change the known galaxy, does your soul survi-

His thoughts were interrupted by a tingling feeling in the back of his skull, followed by a single word, seemingly coming from his own mind: _"Garrus."_

"Aieee!" He yelped, clutching the plate on the back of his head, breathing fast. He got used to a lot of things that came with _the change_ but still couldn't handle telepathic communication very well.

"Sorry." The sound of a real, but metallic voice spoke behind him. "I'm practicing my telepathy skills, and forgot turians aren't very good at it yet."

"This turian especially, EDI. You gave me a good start." Garrus relaxed and turned to look at her.

"I thought you might be sulking up here, so I came to check up on you."

As she moved from the elevator door and closer to him, he thought how synthetics had much easier time adapting than organics. EDI had started using contractions a long time ago, even dabbled in telepathy as she had demonstrated now, and was generally accepting the merge much easier than most organics he knew.

"Thanks." He replied, trying to shake off his thoughts, but even her worrying about him was showing how much she had changed. "What's Joker up to?" He asked, trying to get the conversation into a more lighthearted area.

"He's up in the cockpit. The controls are offline but he keeps waving his fingers at them while making the _whoosh_ and _zwoooom_ noises." EDI chuckled lightly as she spoke.

"Ah." Garrus found himself chuckling, too. "Going through his second childhood, then?"

EDI outright laughed. "I think he's still in the first one. Never came out of it, actually."

Garrus laughed too. He was glad she came up here to lighten his mood. When he remembered how he distrusted her during the war- nah, actually, he didn't want to remember that.

He turned the flashlight off and said: "I'll go check on the other parts of the ship. There's nothing left for me here anymore."

She touched his arm for a moment and smiled. "Good. I wanted to do the same. Let's do it together."

* * *

Some time later, they were all gathered outside the ship, in the memorial center that was put up in Shepard's honor. Garrus was nearly embarrassed that he didn't see it until now except in vid reports.

He looked around. The area was dominated by a huge statue of Shepard. It was pretty lifelike, except for the fact that it towered above them all. It made her look powerful, even menacing. Despite the visual likeness, it didn't feel like her at all. To him, the true Shepard was the one on his picture.

Tali noticed his gaze and asked: "What would Teresa say if she could see the statue, what do you think?"

He looked her in the eyes - glowing green, like everyone else's. She still wore the suit, minus the face mask. He knew many of the younger quarians, those born after the change, didn't want to wear the suits at all, but nearly all of the older ones kept the tradition.

He said, shrugging: "Not sure. But if I have to answer, I think she'd knock it down with biotics, and then incinerate it. Maybe throw in a couple of rounds from her Mattock for good measure. She hated idolizing."

"Heh." Tali chuckled, but the corners of her lips were turned downwards. "That sounds like her. For all the fame and honor she received, she remained modest."

Garrus nodded, thinking of a witty reply, when his thoughts were interrupted by a loud "Awwwwww!" coming from Joker and EDI in unison. Turning around to look at them, he noticed Liara showing them vids of her daughter.

Daughter. That's something he'll most likely never have.

He looked at his old friends. They all settled down, except him. Liara bonded with Feron soon after the war, and their daughter turned 17 this year, if he recalled correctly. Tali got completely over her crush on him and bonded with a quarian he never met. They had a child too, a son, around five years old. Joker and EDI didn't bond officially, but they were an old couple by all means. They couldn't have a child - yet - but with the merge anything could happen. Tali told him once there were _geth children_ appearing, although he couldn't quite grasp how that was possible.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he realized Tali just asked him something. He said: "Uhh, sorry, I was lost in thought. What did you say?"

She frowned slightly. It was still slightly unsettling for him to see her facial expressions. "I said, will we ever have the pleasure of seeing the vids of your children? Or at least the lovely bride?"

"Uhh... Well… I-I don't know." He stammered, rubbing his forehead, like he usually did when he felt uncomfortable talking about something. "When I attended the last year's anniversary celebration, I thought one of the women I was introduced to was cute. Ask me again in another 22 years and maybe I'll have something to show you."

That was the main reason why he hated those celebrations: every respectable family on Palaven was quite literally throwing their daughters, sisters, nieces and other single female relatives at him, trying to get him bonded. He didn't know what made him feel more upset, the fact that they all expected him to be a good turian and bond for the good of the species, or the fact that he barely felt attracted to his kind anymore.

"What was her name?" Tali asked, her frown increasing for some reason.

"Uhh, Ormelius? She's the daughter of Kalen Ormelius, who's primarch n-"

Tali cut him off, with a stern voice: "Her _given_ name."

"I… I don't remember." His subharmonics were unusually timid as he spoke.

Tali scoffed. "You're hopeless. Make that 44 years and maybe we'll see you settled down."

Garrus could never imagine that Tali could talk him down like that. He was too embarrassed to reply for several moments, and then a voice in his head appeared, taking all of his attention. It was different than the telepathic communication most of them were capable of now. It was powerful and it _demanded_ to be heard.

_"Greetings, little ones." _It said, booming. He knew it very well. He didn't even have to look outside the memorial center's window and see a huge shadow above it to know it belonged to a Reaper... and not just any Reaper either.

They all had an unsettled expression on their faces with just a hint of fear mixed in… all except EDI. She said cheerfully: "Harbinger. Here to pay respect?"

Oh well. The day suddenly went downhill.

* * *

**I love feedback, so please leave a review.**


	2. Friend or Foe

Chapter 2: Friend or Foe

_"Yes."_ Harbinger's reply came through their heads immediately. _"Teresa was the one who made this unity possible. We are grateful."_

During his time as primarch, Garrus talked with the leader of the Reapers on more than one occasion, so he was - sort of - used to this. Still, he couldn't shake off the feeling that the giant thing was just mocking them every time it spoke. Also, he would cringe every time Harbinger spoke in plural. It reeked of "good old times" way too much.

Struggling to keep his mind focused, he did his best to reply telepathically: "That's Commander Shepard for you. We're the only ones who could call her Teresa."

_"Ah, Garrus." _The voice ringing through his head was clearly sounding mocking now. _"Still mad because I shot you? I said I was sorry a long time ago. Besides, _Teresa_ and I go way back. I think I earned the right to call her that."_

_"Garrus!" _The echo of EDI's voice rang in his head almost in unison with Harbinger's. Great. One of them was quite enough. _"Behave yourself! Harbinger is a friend."_

_Friend, my leathery ass. _Garrus hoped he didn't send this telepathically. He really wasn't very good at it yet, and truth be told, he didn't want to be. The very thought of entering someone's mind was alien to him.

No such luck. Harbinger replied, still sounding more amused than really angry: _"That suspicious nature of yours is not good for health, Garrus. I doubt you would get as lucky as you did twice."_

Oh, great. Now he got both EDI and Harbinger to scold him. For a moment he really felt like a child being caught in a mischief. It didn't help that the second scold included a death threat. Or was he just being paranoid?

Tali, Joker and Liara kept very quiet, and Garrus congratulated them silently on being smarter than him. You could never win a conversation with Harbinger; he knew it well from their diplomatic sessions. He only hoped that the great Reaper leader would soon find communicating with puny organics too boring and leave.

_"I can see that I am upsetting you, so I will let you honor Teresa in peace."_ Harbinger's voice was heard again. _"One more thing before I leave, though."_

Somehow, he managed to sound mocking even when being extremely polite. Garrus just offered a silent prayer of thanks to the spirits because this torture was about to end.

_"I am very sorry you stepped down as primarch, Garrus. The Hierarchy made a mistake with your successor, too."_ This time, though, Harbinger's voice _didn't_ sound mocking. It was a real surprise. In a moment, though, it regained its usual tone: _"It would be bad to see our relations go sour because of a bad diplomat, would it not?"_

Garrus didn't like this. Was that a second threat in under five minutes, or was he really paranoid? Even if he could think of a coherent reply, he didn't have time to say it, because Harbinger broke the telepathic connection and sailed away.

They all stood in silence for a while. Joker was the first to break it: "I hate it when those things speak to me, especially Harbinger. He always sounds like he's looking for a slightest provocation on our side to fire up those beams again."

"Yeah." Tali agreed, with her forehead and nose wrinkled in disgust. "The other Reapers I can stomach, the geth keep bringing them to Rannoch, but Harbinger… blech!"

"It is curious…" Liara said with a thoughtful look on her face. "The synthetics accept the Reapers as their true friends much more easily than us. Is it because their similar nature as constructs or…?"

She didn't have time to finish her thought as EDI cut her off, sounding angry: "No, it's because we're more trusting. I know you had bad experiences with synthetics and Reapers, but it's all behind us now."

Garrus felt his own anger boiling inside him. He spoke, with the most sarcastic voice he could muster, letting the subharmonics ring with bitterness: "Bad experiences? That's an understatement. They were trying to exterminate us."

The other three organics nodded. EDI shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, disappointed. She said: "They _weren't_ trying to exterminate us. They've been only trying to-"

Garrus cut her off, still angry: "-to preserve us in their form to protect us from the synthetics we create. I know the chant, EDI, we all do. And I'd like to believe it's true… But… I don't know… Whenever I try to accept that completely, something stops me, a strange feeling I'm betraying my true nature as an organic. I think the others feel the same." He looked at the others and they all nodded as one, confirming his words.

EDI was silent for a while as she processed what she just heard. There was an uncertain expression on her face as she did so, and both were very unlike her. Finally she spoke, with a gentle, careful voice: "I think you should all just accept the change. Pardon me for saying this, but you're still stuck in the old ways. The new perspective can change your way of thinking, I know you all experienced that at least once ever since we were all merged."

"But that's it, EDI." Garrus felt his anger cooling down slowly. He spoke in a gentler manner himself, trying to make her understand. "The change of thinking. That smells of well… you know…"

He felt his mind freeze at the very thought. _No. No. She wouldn't let that happen. She would have detected it if this was all a tr-_

EDI's voice interrupted his thoughts. "This is nothing like indoctrination!" All organics winced as the evil I-word was mentioned. She ignored it and continued: "It works subtly, creeping up on you until it's too late to notice. The new way of thinking doesn't do that; it changes you only if you let it. And that's your problem, you _don't_ let it."

Garrus unbuttoned his shirt and opened it, letting EDI look at the traces of the old scars from a close encounter with the Harbinger's beam. They ran all over his body, and even with the new regenerative abilities and advances in medicine they wouldn't heal completely. Without a word, he buttoned it up again, and then finally spoke, as calmly as he could: "That's what _your_ friend Harbinger did to me, and you know how lucky I am to be able to stand here. So you'll forgive me if I'm careful_._"

"So, he was right. You are still mad because he shot you." EDI said with just a hint of mocking in her voice. Now she sounded dangerously like Harbinger.

Garrus furrowed his brow plates and let out a grumbling sound with his subharmonics, causing EDI to quickly add: "That was a joke. I know, I know, now's not the time, sorry. You were not lucky and you know it, you're here because of your new life form. You should be thankful, not question it."

"It's not that easy, EDI. Garrus is right." Liara cut in, a frown on her face, too. "We still carry the memories of what they did to us not so long ago. 22 years isn't enough to accept that your life was turned upside-down in a single moment, not by any means. We need more time. It will come."

"I guess you're right. I found some data in the Reaper memory banks, saying a change like this can't be… forced." EDI sounded uncomfortable a little at the last part. If she were an organic, Garrus could swear she bit on her tongue.

"It can't be forced?" It was Joker, sounding surprised. "How would they know that?"

"Well…" EDI hesitated for a moment. It made Garrus feel alarmed. She was usually very direct. "A similar solution was tried a long time ago. It… didn't work out."

Silence followed. A dead, uncomfortable silence.

_It can fail? What happens if it fails? The cycle begins again?_ Garrus didn't know what the others thought in that moment, but he was nearly terrified.

_We won't fail. We owe it to Teresa. She wanted us to succeed._

He dared to speak first: "We _will_ make it work out. But Liara is right, we need more time. I only hope…"

…_they'll give us time._ He trailed off, not finishing his thought aloud.

"The quarians are friends with geth now." Tali said, her mouth twitching in a strange way. "But we began to mend our relations even before the change, thanks to Teresa, so I guess it was easier to accept it. With Reapers… we only have bad relations. Yeah, it takes time." She shrugged at the last part.

"I understand." EDI nodded. "And I'm sure the Reapers understand too. They have a new perspective of you, too - it goes both ways."

Garrus wasn't convinced about the Reapers, and judging by the look on the faces of his organic friends, they weren't either. He cleared his throat and spoke, trying to change the topic: "Yeah, Harbinger seemed to know us well. He was surely well informed of the situation on Palaven. Frankly, his remark worries me. It sounded like he knows something we don't about Ormelius, the new primarch."

"You must have some information on him. You were primarch until a little while ago." EDI stated the obvious.

"I have, but nothing that would confirm what Harbinger said." Garrus replied. "A bit on the old-fashioned side, but well, many turians are. Of all the races we've had the hardest time adapting. Comes from a family of diplomats. That should make him much better for the job than me. I wasn't surprised when the Hierarchy named him my successor."

He turned to Liara. "What does your network s-?" He trailed off, noticing she already had the omni-tool fired up, searching for info. Chuckling, he thanked the spirits there was still a need for information brokers in the new order. Liara would have been unhappy if she couldn't be the Shadow Broker, he knew it.

In a few moments, she was finished. "Mmmm." She mumbled, with a "processing info" expression on her face. "Like you said, a well-versed diplomat. Sympathizer of a 'keep the old glory' type of political group, but nothing out of the ordinary for a post change turian. Really, nothing that makes him a 'bad diplomat'."

"Maybe it was a joke on the Harbinger's p-?" EDI tried, but quickly shut up when all of them began rolling their eyes.

"Right." Joker cut her off. "What EDI wanted to say is, he tried to make us feel unsettled and watched. The Hierarchy isn't stupid. They wouldn't name a bad diplomat primarch."

Garrus cleared throat at this.

"You weren't one either, if that's what you're getting at." Joker chuckled. "Everyone but you thinks you did a good job."

"As one of my first decisions, I allowed the 'reintegrating districts' to be formed in our cities for the marauders and other… converted. What's that lovely human word they used in the past? A ghetto? I let them be stuck in those places, mostly thanks to the 'keep the old glory' types. They can be quite… loud in their demands. And no, inside it isn't as they show in the vids. It's much _worse_. I had to make decisions like that all the time." Garrus turned away from his friends as he spoke, not bearing to look in their eyes anymore. Every time he received a report of protest (or worse) in a reintegrating district, he took it as a personal blow.

Joker walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. His voice lacked any mocking tone as he spoke: "Come on, you think you're the only one who had to make such a decision? It isn't any better with husks and other converted on Earth either. I think the fact they were let to roam free only makes it worse. Every non-adapted punk can harass them if they please. The government is trying to stop them, but they can't be everywhere, every time. And if you think that's bad, ask Liara about the banshees." Garrus' shoulder twitched, causing Joker to remove his hand.

Liara shifted her weight uncomfortably and said: "I'll say only this: the banshees are made from the ardat-yakshi. They can breed now and their original condition isn't cured yet. Thank the goddess we have Samara guarding the monastery and she's relentless in protecting them from harm. The non-adapted extremists exist everywhere."

Tali was first to break the silence left by Liara's words, looking serious. "When you look at it that way, we're actually very well-adapted, aren't we?"

"I guess we are." Garrus said, finally turning around to face them again. The silence returned, with a question lingering in the air: _Will we have time to adapt fully?_ He searched for something to say, anything other than what they discussed now.

The salvation came in the form of EDI, who cleared her throat, or at least made a sound like it and said: "I'm sorry, I started it all. I didn't want the day of remembering Teresa to end like this."

"I think it's time for the quotes game." Tali added, a smile appearing on her face, helping to divert the conversation

"The what?" Garrus asked.

"Oh right, you haven't been with us during anniversaries yet. We quote our favorite things Teresa said and then pick the best one before we part, making it the quote of the year. I'll go first." EDI smiled and continued: "I loved her speeches. One of my favorites is the one before entering the Collector base. 'Not. One. More.'" She slammed her clenched fist against the open palm of the other hand, mimicking Teresa. It was so like her it made Garrus chuckle.

"One of her wise counsels to an inexperienced young quarian travelling with her was: 'The answer to that question is at the bottom of that glass.' Truer words were never spoken." Tali continued the game, with an undercurrent of laughter in her voice. "What about you, Garrus?"

_"__No matter what happens, know that I love you. I always will." _That was his favorite thing he heard Teresa say. He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the echo of her words in his head. Out loud, he said: "One time she lost her temper and called Udina a 'useless bastard' right in his face."

Some things he still preferred to keep private, even among friends.

* * *

Garrus' home was a large house in an elite neighborhood of Cipritine (far away from the reintegration district). His status of the war hero and (former) primarch brought some privileges and he was honest enough with himself to admit he enjoyed them. Sometimes, though, the size of the house would get to him, making him feel lonelier than usual. Well, nothing could be perfect, right?

He entered the house, glad that this action had the feeling of _coming home_. As soon as he was through, he was greeted by his house VI.

"You have a message from your father." It chimed happily.

"Play it." He replied, grumbling.

_"First you step down as primarch, and then you don't show up for the cel-"_

"Shut it off." He grumbled. So much for hope. The VI complied immediately. "Any more messages?"

"No, Primarch Vakarian."

_Damn it, I need to change the settings. I keep forgetting._

He decided to go change. As he moved around his house, he thought about his family. After the end of the war, he and his father became estranged again. The elder Vakarian was quite old-fashioned and didn't take well what happened. With Solana he was able to keep contact, but she was a good turian lady, bonded with a good turian guy, busy popping out babies on demand to help repopulate Palaven.

He shook his head, realizing he has been standing frozen in front of his wardrobe for a while. He didn't want to remember his family. He wanted to relax, to _forget_, not remember. He opened the wardrobe, and his gaze fell on one of the caps he wore as primarch. Spirits, he hated them with a vengeance. They would always make his fringe itch, and were yet another reason he hated his job. If he never gets to wear one again, he'll die a contented turian.

Once he put more comfortable clothes on, he fired up some music and sat in his favorite chair. The problem was, he couldn't relax and he couldn't find anything to do either.

_What should I do, go shoot bottles in the backyard and scare neighbors?_ _I couldn't stand being the primarch but what_ _will I do now that I'm not one anymore? Who needs a turian with my skills?_

The memory of the anniversary celebration was still fresh in his mind and all the difficult questions that popped up during it. That needed forgetting, too, and didn't help at all with his mood.

He sighed, turned the music off because it grated on his tense nerves and decided to pour himself a glass of brandy (or two, or probably ten). Maybe Tali was right and the answer to tough questions was indeed at the bottom of a liquor glass.

Finished, he returned back to the chair. He dipped his head to take the first sip, but suddenly froze in motion. His sharp senses alerted him of a _presence_ nearby, followed by the all-too-familiar _whir-click_ dangerously close.


	3. Out of the Box

**Sorry this one took me a bit longer than usual. I kept arguing with myself should I make it as two shorter or one longer chapter and finally went for the latter.**

**Also, I have an announcement: I'll be out of town for two weeks, starting on September 12th. There will be no updates during that time. If I get lucky with my muse, there might be another update before that.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Out of the Box

Garrus saw his glass drop on the floor, and a purplish stain spread on the brightly colored carpet. In a panic filled moment his eyes scanned the room furiously, finding nothing and his mind raced.

_Invisible. Got past the security system without problem._ For some reason, this combination rang a bell, but he didn't have time to develop that thought further as another one blitzed in his mind. _Whir-click. Old weapon. Pre-change. No real danger._

In a split second, the combat reflexes he still had took over, and he released a pulse of energy from his omni-tool. It was one of the _new_ capabilities it had, and it acted as a stun, but it also had the ability to disrupt energy fields, such as cloaks. Some thought of him as paranoid to keep such a program on his tool, but he's been called a pacifist and a xenophile enough times by turians who still thought those words were insults to feel worried about his safety.

The cloak's force field fizzled, and a human woman appeared, doubling over his couch in pain and dropping what indeed looked like an old-style SMG. Garrus kicked it out of her reach just in case. He didn't feel like getting bullet wounds today. Besides, it's not like he was immune to old-style weapons. If he received enough damage in a short period of time, he would die, just like in good old times.

Then, he took a better look at the woman, watching for her next move. She was short and slim, and what little of her face he could see before it was buried in the couch looked familiar, but not quite enough to place it. There was something about her voice though. It was definitely familiar, although the only noise she made by now were quiet whimpers.

In a few moments she recovered enough to speak. "Uhnnng… Serves me right for trying to pull a prank on an old soldier. Glad to see your reflexes are still good, Garrus." She straightened slowly, and he could finally examine her face better.

Then, it finally clicked. Invisible. Got past security. Soft, melodic, seductive voice. Carrying a Kassa Locust (the model of the SMG popped in his head suddenly). Wearing that weird face paint human women used on her lower lip only. Her _eyes_. And it wasn't that they were glowing green what made them look so strange, it was that they weren't covered with a hood.

"Kasumi Goto. What are you- wait. Don't tell me you're here for my art pieces and I caught you in the act?"

He had some nice ones in his collection indeed. In the world they lived in there was no need for rifle collections, and he _had_ to spend the creds he earned from the royalties somehow, didn't he? And wasn't an eye for aesthetics his secret weakness?

He winced suddenly. That wasn't a road his mind wished to travel.

"Nah. Like I said, just pulling a prank." She relaxed a little, but still was careful not to make any sudden movements, being aware of Garrus' scrutiny. "I'm out of business. I'd never break the promise I gave to-" Her gaze fell on her gun in the corner which was shooting off sparks and she winced. "No! Don't tell me it shorted out!"

Garrus followed her gaze. "Honestly, I don't know. These new programs weren't tested much on the old weaponry. Why do you bother carrying that old junk around anyway?" He was somewhat amused by her reaction. The old guns could barely kill anyone, because the circuits acted like regenerative implants and medical systems in armor, only more effective.

"It can still slow someone down…" Kasumi replied hesitantly. "And… well… I got it when Shep helped me raid Hock's place and we… we…" Her gaze fell on the digital framed picture of Shepard displayed in Garrus' living room and she trailed off. In the next moment their eyes met. "Your life wasn't the only one that changed thanks to her, you know." Her voice was reduced to a whisper now.

"Yeah." He said simply. _Of course_ he knew what kind of effect she had on people, and changes that happened thanks to her affected the entire galaxy. No matter what happened and how much time passes, the people she knew were bound by invisible bonds.

Bond or not, he still didn't know what the hell was Kasumi doing here. "Why are you here then, if not for my collection?" he asked. It came out sounding like he was interrogating her. He didn't really want to sound like a C-Sec officer, but there was still a tiny one living inside him, even after all those years.

Her lower lip shook. "You're a terrible host, Garrus. One would think you'd offer something to drink to an old friend and instead I get interrogations."

"I have nothing levo-based. And my guests usually don't sneak up on me cloaked and pull a gun on me."

She shrugged, her eyes looking apologetic. "I came to Palaven to do something, and no, it's nothing related to my old profession, before you ask. I wanted to surprise you with a visit - it's the anniversary week, after all - but you weren't home. So I decided to greet you in style, and let myself in. I just wanted to pull a gun, say _boo_ and decloak, I swear. Didn't expect you'd be so… tense and quick. Is this satisfying, officer?"

It was Garrus' turn to cast his eyes down and look apologetic. "Yes. I'm… sorry. I have a bad jump lag - just got back to Palaven from Earth. I spent the anniversary celebration with the old gang for the first time… after the war, and it ended up with Harbinger making hidden death threats and EDI accusing me of being paranoid and badly adapted." He looked her in the eyes again and shrugged. "Maybe I am."

He sat in his favorite chair again and motioned at the couch for Kasumi to sit too. She did so in a moment, her manner losing any remaining tension.

"From what I've heard you've been a very progressive primarch." Kasumi cracked a smile. "Pretty impressive for a turian."

"I tried." Garrus' expression remained dead serious. "I banned production of old-style weapons and warships. Ceded three planets to krogans - they can indeed pop them out fast. _Protected_ the marauders the best that I could. Invested into scientific research to figure out what really happened to us. Stopped at least ten attempts to name Teresa one of the guardian spirits." He shrugged. "I tried. Cost me a lot of sleepless nights." Finished with his rant, he averted his eyes and sighed.

Kasumi rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh, and this thing you hit me with a moment ago wasn't a weapon?"

"That's about the strongest thing that's legal, and it's non-lethal. I imposed restriction on weapon research and production, but had to leave something for people to protect themselves or they'd have my head. I got enough hate mail for what I did already." He shrugged again, still pretending to examine the paintings on the wall. The only thing that got him more hate mail was not naming Shepard a spirit, but he'll never let her be idolized. If he did, _she'll_ have his head in the afterlife. "Like I said, it cost me a lot of sleepless nights."

"It must have been terrible for you to make such decisions all the time. I can see why you stepped down." Kasumi smiled gently.

He looked her in the eyes with an expression of surprise and gratefulness. "You're the only one who said that. Everyone else acts like I gave up on an awesome vacation. Thank you."

She has definitely changed in the last two decades, he thought. She was older, more mature, although her old personality kept shining through.

"I'm glad I faded into anonymity after the war. I know I couldn't handle what you've been through." She shrugged. "Life's been good to me so far, really. The change got me what I missed the most." She pulled a box-shaped device out of her pocket and wiggled it in the air.

"Is that… Keiji's graybox?"

"It isn't just a graybox anymore." Kasumi smiled and her eyes shined with happiness. "Watch." She pushed a button on the device.

A hologram of a human male shimmered into view, much like when a picture is formed through a holo communicator. There was something different about this image, though; it was somehow more stable and it looked _alive_.

"Garrus, this is Keiji Okuda, my friend. Brought to life by _the change._ Keiji, this is Garrus Vakarian, one of the _Normandy_'s crew." The shine in Kasumi's eyes was like a child's now.

"Pleased to meet you, Vakarian-san. Kasumi told me a lot about you and all the adventures you had together." Keiji's hologram (or was it Keiji himself?) said while bowing deeply.

Garrus had seen some really weird things in the past 22 years, so he knew the drill by now: keep quiet, observe and try to adapt. "Just call me Garrus, please. Any friend of the old crew is a friend of mine."

No matter how hard he tried to follow the advice he gave himself, Garrus couldn't shake off the weirdness of the situation. Keiji was dead; he knew that. It was the reason why Kasumi joined their crew in the first place. And yet he was here, and they could speak to him as if he were alive. Were they just talking to a projection of a memory, or to a real, live person? Was Kasumi reunited with her love, or just lived in a big lie? He didn't know the answers, but knew he'd rather go through the grieving process he experienced after Shepard's death again than live in an illusion.

"I'm sorry we can't shake hands." Keiji spoke, interrupting Garrus in his thought process. "I'm still confined to this box, but if all goes well that will change."

"That's why we're here." Kasumi added. "We're getting Keiji in a solid body."

Garrus was surprised. He's never heard of such thing being possible, so he asked: "How would you accomplish such a thing?"

"Ever heard of geth having children?" Keiji asked. "They don't make them like we do. I'm not entirely clear on the process, but they create a new personality matrix from two existing geth and stick it in a robotic body."

"We're hoping something like that can be done for Keiji. Take his personality and stick it in a body." Kasumi added. "I'd prefer at least a part-organic body though. Metal is so… unpleasant."

"Then why have you come to Palaven? Wouldn't Rannoch be a better choice?" Garrus asked the logical question.

"We tried." Kasumi sighed, with frustration showing on her face. "They wouldn't help us. Apparently, our mind and personality wouldn't transfer over well with the process they use. They said that the difference between organics and synthetics is still too great for something like that."

"They did tell us there's a research institute working on figuring out how to help both the organics and synthetics adapt-" Keiji added, but was cut off by Garrus.

"-and that's _Synthesis Research Institute _in Cipritine. I know - I made sure it was well funded over the years I was primarch. Somebody had to study what happened to us." Okay, this made a little more sense now. However, something else crossed his mind. "But, they're not open to… random wishes from general public. Do you really think they'd help you?"

"Errr. No." It was Kasumi, suddenly fidgeting on the couch.

"Don't tell me you have something planned or even worse, that the plan includes _me._" Garrus furrowed his brow plates, and his subharmonics sounded deeper than usual.

"No!" Kasumi exclaimed, looking offended. "I just wanted to visit you. No hidden meaning or plans. Really. I'm not doing it anymore."

"We know there's a geth who used to work for the Institute, but she quit, and is now helping the marauders-" Keiji started to explain, but Garrus cut him off again.

"Uh, _she_?"

"Yeah, haven't you heard?" Kasumi replied. "The newly born… created, whatever… geth are assuming gender roles slowly. They're really trying hard to create an organic-like society."

_Be quiet. Observe. Adapt. _Garrus just nodded.

Keiji continued: "She's helping the marauders to adapt better. Their physiology was different than the turians', and she felt like the Institute just wasn't paying them enough attention. That's why she quit and left to help them personally. She lives among them now."

"Sounds like a perfect match. Well-adapted, smart, experienced in both synthetic and organic physiology, helpful… We decided it's worth a shot asking her for help, and that's what we're going to do once we leave here." Kasumi smiled.

As she spoke, Garrus suddenly realized something and he frowned again. "Are you nuts? You want to go in the reintegrating district alone? It seems like your plan will include me, after all."

"What? No, you don't have to come with me! I can take care of myself."

"Uh-huh. The situation inside isn't like they show it in the vids. It's not a walk in Park of Spirits. You might get mugged for creds. If they see you carrying advanced tech, it's going to get scavenged for parts before you know it. Some of them simply hate humans, because they think it's one of them who's responsible for the state they're in now." Garrus subharmonics rang with bitterness at the last part. "Don't count on your cloak to help you get past undetected. They got sharper senses than us, and even I became aware someone was with me even before I heard your gun. But, with me I _suppose _you'll be safe, because they think of me as their protector. I've gained quite a reputation among them."

Kasumi just kept silent through his rant, and then shook her head. "Maybe EDI was right and you _are_ parano-"

She was cut off by Keiji. "Vakarian-san was the primarch of this planet for many years. I think we should follow his advice - I don't feel like getting split into parts today."

"_Fine._" Kasumi agreed, grumbling.

"Let me get ready. Go pick up your gun. And don't forget you owe me for carpet cleaning." Garrus said, trying to make a joke by habit, and went to his bedroom to change. Again.

He wasn't lying when he said he had a bad jump lag - his body was screaming for rest like it was late at night, although the local time was morning. Jumping around solar systems could make your internal clock go haywire. Still, he couldn't leave Kasumi to fend for herself. Friendship still mattered to him, especially old crew members.

He sighed, standing in front of the wardrobe. Kasumi seemed well-adapted to the situation, but it seemed to come from her refusal to see things as they really were. Which was better, his way of life, or hers?

He looked up at the ceiling. _Damn synthesis. _Some scientists insisted that should be the word used to describe what happened, but it would always make him cringe, so he preferred _change_ usually. _Oh Teresa, why haven't you blown them out of the sky?_

* * *

"I'm sorry, Ms. Goto. It simply can't be done." The female-voiced geth stated again calmly, with her green flashlight pointed straight at Kasumi and returned the graybox to her. Garrus had trouble referring to her other than "the female geth" although she gave her name, "Knows-Many-Things", explaining they earned their descriptive names in a process similar to the quarians' Pilgrimage.

_Be quiet. Observe. Adapt. Again._

"But…" Kasumi protested. The childish shine in her eyes was now replaced with frustration and disappointment.

"We've come a long way in the past two decades, but there are still obstacles we can't overcome." The geth hesitated. "Like death."

"Keiji is _not_ dead. He speaks to me, reacts to me."

"I'm afraid he is. There's more to personality than just memories, and that's all that's left of him." The geth's flashlight flickered. "Even if the transfer into a body would occur flawlessly - and I doubt it would - I assure you he won't be what you expect. He seems fine when in that box, and you push a button to have a talk with him, but that's not enough." "Things" made a gesture similar to a shrug.

Kasumi bowed her head low, and Garrus could swear he heard a sniffle.

"Kasumi…" He started gently. He felt sorry for her, but was glad she got a wake-up call, no matter how harsh it was. "It's not good to live in an illusion. Maybe it's time you'd stop obsessing now…"

Kasumi lifted her head and looked at him with fury burning in her eyes.

_Oh, great. Garrus, the master of words strikes again._

"Your companion is right." The geth chimed in. "I'm actually helping you."

Kasumi still stared at them both for several long moments and then finally said: "_Fine._ Let's go. I'll find help elsewhere." With that, she stormed out of the geth's house.

Garrus followed her out, but not before waving at the friendly geth. Outside, he found Kasumi staring at Keiji's graybox.

"Put that back in your pocket." He hissed at her.

"Mr. Paranoid, again?" Kasumi grumbled, but did as he said anyway. "We got here without any problems."

"Here" was an alley in the reintegration district. It was pretty run down, including the Knows-Many-Things' house, but nearly everything in the district was. The rest of Cipritine was mostly rebuilt, or at least received a good face-lifting. Its fabled skyline, dotted with silvery spires surrounded them, making the short buildings in the district stand out even more than they would normally.

It was true they didn't have any problems getting here, but one could never be too careful in Garrus' eyes. Maybe things did die down lately, but the not-so-pleasant reports in the past coming from this place still burned in his mind. If the situation was indeed improving no one would be happier than him, but he doubted it was going to be that easy.

"Come on." He called, ignoring her remark. "I'd like us to get out without any problems, too."

_"Nothing ever goes easy on our missions."_ He heard Teresa's voice echo in his head again. He grabbed Kasumi by hand and started walking. _This is not a mission, _he told himself, _I'm just helping out a friend._

Kasumi scoffed, but followed obediently. "You can let go of my hand, Mr. Paranoid, I'm not a chil-"

A very loud, high-pitched scream drowned out her words, coming from around the corner. They both stopped walking and Garrus muttered a curse under his breath. Whatever happened, it wasn't good.

The bitter cynic inside him demanded that he turns around and finds another route. This wasn't his problem anymore. The _other_ part of him, the _Shepard-like_ part, demanded that he goes and investigates. The cynic was winning, and he already opened his mouth to suggest to _get the hell out of here_, when a visibly distressed marauder approached them, yelling for help.

"Help! My mate-" The poor marauder flailed his arms, obviously in shock. When his gaze fell on Garrus, though, he seemed to calm down a little. "Pri-, uh Mr. Vakarian! Thank the spirits you're here! Please help!"

Garrus, of course, knew that the marauders who were converted from female turians became female marauders after _the change_, but still found it disturbing every time he faced it. The mention of spirits didn't help either. It was something that felt like it should be turian exclusive, and not shared with-

He forced himself to shake off such thoughts. This… _person_ put faith in him, expecting help. He couldn't ignore it, and not just because it was something what Shepard would do. He was better than the bitter cynic who would sometimes take over him. The screams that kept coming from behind the corner helped him in the decision.

"Take me to her." Garrus said, trying to sound reassuring. "You don't have to follow." He said, turning to Kasumi before he ran after the marauder. He was, however, pleased to see that she did.

Once they were around the corner, Garrus saw a marauder lying on the floor, writhing in pain. Now that they were close, her screams pierced his ears. He rushed over to her, and stopped frozen when he noticed what was happening to her.

_Something_ was removing the circuits from her, erasing them at an alarming rate.

"She just tried to pick up this…" The marauder explained and motioned at a harmless looking box on the ground, while Garrus fired his omni-tool up, trying to figure out what was causing this. "When she touched it, she fell to the floor in pain. We thought it was just a device someone lost and wanted to strip it for parts."

Garrus' mandibles twitched when he heard this. So the situation in here wasn't much better, but he didn't have time to think about that. With a corner of his eye he saw Kasumi doing the same as him: trying to figure out what the hell was going on. _Where are you, Teresa? _Something inside him spoke as his fingers worked frantically over the omni-tool. _You would have made this box _talk_ by now and tell you what it does._

The female marauder's screams turned into gurgles. She was dying_. _The male marauder noticed it too and screamed: "Sirra! Sirra!"

"Stand back! It's dangerous to touch her!" Garrus hissed, blocking the marauder with his body.

Sirra made a final gurgle, and her body went still. The green light in her eyes slowly faded away. The male marauder made a strange whimpering sound and rushed over to hug her body, despite the protests from both Kasumi and Garrus.

He wasn't in danger anymore, as the box emitted a bright flash of light, forcing them all to shield their eyes. When they could see again, the box was gone, with a residue of energy their omni-tools picked up in the place where it stood a moment ago.

"It disintegrated…" Kasumi whispered, obviously horrified with what just happened.

"D-Do you k-know what h-happened to her?" The male marauder asked through what sounded like sobs.

"No… I could only tell the box emitted pulses of energy which… ate up her circuits. I've never seen anything like it." Garrus spoke in a low voice. "I'm sorry."

The taste of defeat felt like ash in his mouth, and his ears echoed with Sirra's screams.

* * *

When the night finally came, Garrus lay in his bed in the darkness of his room. He could still taste defeat and hear Sirra's screams. The two decades of peace made him softer than he expected.

Kasumi parted with him with obvious pain in her eyes and not only because of Keiji. He felt sorry he dragged her into what happened, but trouble stuck to him like a magnet.

He closed his eyes, seeking sleep, but it wouldn't come to him. The image of a box floated in front of his eyes. _Of course. If the circuits are making everyone hard to kill, remove them and the problem is solved._ Suddenly, he remembered a human myth he heard somewhere a long time ago. It was something about a box which released all sorts of evil upon the world when it was opened. A punishment for those who were too curious or knew too much.

Was that what was happening here? Somebody had to find a way to use their newfound knowledge and power in a wrong way. The consequences could be…

Garrus rolled to the side, wrapping the sheets tight around his body. In desperation, he escaped into the arms of denial again. _It's not my problem anymore. It's not my problem anymore… It's not my…_

It was a lie, but it allowed him to finally find sleep.


	4. Not My Problem

**I'm baaa-aack! My muse tried to run off while I was away, but I captured her and got her chained so she doesn't try something similar again (don't worry, I feed her regularly!). The updates should resume normally.**

**(Don't be shy, leave a review!)**

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Chapter 4: Not My Problem

_Garrus stood in the living room of his childhood home. However, he was a grown turian, as tall as he is now, and when he looked at his hands they had glowing circuits on them. In front of him was his mother, in her prime, untouched by the disease that drained her life away. In fact, she looked exactly the same as when he broke her favorite vase while chasing Solana around the house. She certainly had the same stern expression in her sky blue eyes which he inherited from her._

_"I haven't raised you to be a quitter." His mother's voice was as stern as her eyes. She kept glaring at him, and it made him fidget in spot._

_"But, Mo-" He tried to explain, suddenly feeling like his tongue was made of lead._

_"Don't but me, Garrus. My son, my pride and joy wouldn't just lie down and say 'not my problem'."_

_Garrus just stared, at a loss for words. Without warning, the surroundings changed. He was with his father now, staring at his mother's grave. They both had circuits and green eyes now. He knew this scene well. It haunted him for years._

_"It's a shame your mother had to die." His father began, and Garrus froze. He knew what came next, but didn't want to hear it._

_"Wake up, you idiot!" He told himself. "Wake up. You're dreaming about this shit again. Wake up!"_

Garrus sat up in his bed and gasped. He looked around the room in fear. The dawn was just breaking.

As he sat like that, feeling the cold emptiness of the room clinging to him, he remembered Shepard and her nightmares that plagued her so often. He would comfort her, of course, but only now he truly understood what she's been through back then.

He wished he did more_._ He didn't know what else he could do but to comfort her with words and touches like he already did; he just wished he did more. He also wished there was someone around to comfort him right now.

There wasn't anyone around. His choice. No women in his life except very brief flings and well… those types that you pay for their services. Mostly the latter lately, and exclusively with asari. No turians and no humans. No one to wake up next to and feel her supportive waist against him.

_Wait. Where did that supportive waist thing come from?_ He thought back, trying to remember.

_Shit. _That_ night._

He was shocked. Were the memories starting to fade? That night was supposed to be burned into his mind with perfect clarity. And yet he had to think about "the waist". He hoped it was just a side effect from the nightmare and what happened yesterday.

Sighing, he buried his face in his hands. He wasn't used to this. Before the war he's never been one for vivid dreams. They were mostly short, incomprehensible affairs that would go _poof_ in his face as soon as he became aware they weren't real.

What happened yesterday made him even more vulnerable. In the darkness created by his hands he felt, predictably, the memory of the talk by his mother's grave return to him. He couldn't stop it from playing in his head.

When he returned to Palaven after the war, he found his father and sister and they all went to visit their mother's grave. He was happy at first to be reunited with them, but the feeling soon faded. Whatever closeness was found with his father during the war was… gone. His father was a different person now, not being able to deal with what happened and all bitter because of it.

_"It's a shame your mother had to die."_ His father's voice echoed in his head, distant and cold, like it was that day.

_"I know, Dad." _Garrus heard himself say. _"But it happens. People around us die and we have to move on."_

It might not have been the best choice of words, he was never good with them, but he never deserved what happened next.

_"Yes, people die. Only some don't know when to stay dead. Like your human mate who did this to us. Like you_._"_

Garrus just turned around when he heard this and walked away, not looking back. It wasn't even the remark about him that made him leave, but the one about Shepard. _No one _talked that way about her. That was the last time he saw his father in person. Most of the time they didn't communicate, and when they did, it was usually a holo message from his father scolding him for one thing or another. If the elder Vakarian ever felt regret for what happened, he had a very bad way of showing it. And if Garrus ever hoped that old age would mellow his father, he was terribly wrong.

He's always been more like his mother, and not only because they had the same eyes. She wasn't such a stickler for rules as was expected from a turian. She was, however, smart, kind, with a sense of humor, determined… And she believed in him, unlike his father.

She, in fact, reminded him a lot of- Nah, he didn't want to continue that line of thought.

He also, he thought suddenly, wasn't there for her when she needed it most, just like- Nah, he definitely didn't want to continue that line of thought.

Sometimes he would ask himself what did she ever see in her husband, and then would remember that his father wasn't always the bitter shell of a man that he was now. He was with her when she died, sitting next to her deathbed until the disease finally took her away, so there must have been real emotions between them. Also, his father believed about the Reapers before most of the Hierarchy. It was the damn synthesis that turned him into what he is now.

Garrus lifted his head. He really didn't want to go down that road again. Looking outside the window he noticed the sun shining brightly outside. For how long was he lost in thought? Why didn't these memories begin to fade instead of the first night he and Teresa made love?

He got out of bed, not bothering to make it. What was the point when he was the only one sleeping in it? And it's not like his mother would come and force him to do it.

With a shiver running down his spine, he realized that he was going to disappoint the spirit of his mother somewhere in heaven. He _didn't_ want to find out what happened to a marauder woman named Sirra. He _didn't_ want to be a good turian and marry a good turian woman. He _didn't_ want to be responsible for the lives of billions. It seemed like he was a quitter after all.

The only problem was, he didn't know what he wanted.

With another sigh he dragged himself to the cabinet where he kept his collection of pre-war weapons. There was something oddly satisfying about holding a real, solid weapon in his hands, and not using energy pulses that disrupt cloaks or eat up circuits. He smiled as he held his old Black Widow and examined it. It was still in very good condition. Hell, he was quite certain it could still _kill_.

* * *

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Teresa told him once this human saying and it could certainly apply to his state of mind right now. No matter what he did, how many times he told himself that this is not his problem anymore, he couldn't find peace. There was only one place on Palaven where there was even a slightest chance to find it.

Garrus parked his skycar on the landing pad of the building he was looking for, right next to a sign that read _Aldina, the consort of Palaven_. His last straw when he needed _forgetting things_. Fiddling with his weapons managed to push his family out of his mind somehow, but the images of the marauder woman writhing in pain and Kasumi's horror-stricken eyes wouldn't leave him. He indeed got much softer in the past two decades.

Once inside the building, he found himself in a fancy looking lobby. The light from unseen sources was subdued, but still bright enough for him to see everything clearly. There was even a fountain in the middle of it, and its murmur had an almost magical effect on Garrus' nerves, calming him down.

He was greeted by one of Aldina's assistants. Her name was Lina, Liana, Linea, or similar vowel-heavy name so typical for the asari. She said: "I'm sorry, Mr. Vakarian, but you don't have an appointment for today."

"I know." Garrus replied, sounding sheepish. "However, I really need to see the consort. I'll pay extra if I have to, and I'll wait as long as it takes."

It seemed to be a slow day at Aldina's. There was only one more customer in the lobby except him, a volus, and a wealthy one by the looks of his environmental suit. There could be more customers scheduled in the next couple of hours, just not arrived yet, but Garrus hoped he could get away with his request.

The assistant smiled uncertainly. "That's not how it works, Mr. Vakarian. I'm afrai-"

She suddenly trailed off, her eyes increasing the green glow, and her face growing still. It looked like she just received a telepathic message. She stood like that for several moments and then was snapped back to reality.

"It was Aldina. She told me to send you in." She turned to the volus and shrugged with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, sir. Aldina's the boss."

"No problem." The volus replied and took a deep breath. "I'm honored to let a famous hero go before me." He took another deep breath, the mask on his suit clicking.

"Uh, thanks. Both of you." Garrus said, still sounding sheepish. The "preferential treatment" he got everywhere was nice, but it would still make him feel awkward when it was as obvious as now.

Aldina's room was different than the lobby, darker and more intimate, but still with that almost unnaturally calm feel to it. Aldina stood in the middle if the room, waiting for him. She wore a long purple robe, made from the finest asari silk. The painted dots around her eyes were also purple. When he entered, she regarded him with a long gaze. Finally, she spoke. "You should know better than to bribe me, Garrus. I'm not doing this for money, but to help people and honestly, you look like you need all the help you can get."

"Is that why you let me in?"

"Yes." She motioned at one of the comfortable looking chairs. "Take a seat."

Garrus obliged. Aldina moved to stand behind him, and her soft, delicate fingers began to rub his neck in an attempt to loosen the tense muscles.

"So, tell me…" She said after a while, her voice as soft and silky as her robe. "What's troubling you?"

He kept his eyes closed, trying to imagine that Aldina's fingers actually belonged to Shepard. That's why he preferred the asari after the war; they were similar to humans enough to allow him to fill the blanks by his own imagination, and yet different enough to avoid comparisons with his ideal.

Her voice broke his fantasy, making his eyes snap open. Teresa's voice was never this seductive. He murmured, slightly annoyed: "I'm here just for the, uh, _embracing_."

Aldina's fingers stopped for a brief moment before resuming their work again. "Nonsense. If you were, you'd just go to an ordinary prostitute." She switched to telepathy without effort. "You_ want_ to tell me what's troubling you. Now do so, or I'll keep doing this until you give up. I know how much you like telepathy."

Garrus spoke, refusing to use telepathy: "In fact, Aldina, that exactly is the problem. I don't know what's troubling me."

She stopped with the massage again, this time for real, and took a step back. Her voice still echoed in his mind, however. "Oh, so you want me to use my _powers_, then? Very well, I can play along." Her palms touched each side of his face.

Aldina was silent for a while and then she spoke, with a thoughtful ring in her voice. "Let's see… What do we have here...? Having problems with adapting and being afraid this is all just a big lie? No, that wouldn't cause such turmoil, it's too common nowadays. Family troubles? Big ones, but old. Buried in the past. Hmm, what's this? Worried you weren't good enough for Shepard? Hah, everyone knows she loved you, so you should know it too! That's not it either… Ah-ha! Running away from responsibility! There's something you think you're supposed to do, but you're afraid to get in-"

Garrus cut her off, his eyes narrowed and his voice dark. "Don't presume you know anything about me and Shepard."

"Come on, Garrus." Aldina was unfazed by the threat in his voice. "Everyone knows the story of you two."

"Which story? One of those damn soap operas that were made after the war, inspired by our relationship? Maybe the one where she _cheated on Taylor with me_? Yeah, that's accurate. Shows what people who made them know." Shepard didn't cheat anyone, no matter what certain dark-haired human biotic might say about it. Suddenly, Garrus remembered the same biotic lying on the floor of the Presidium, shot by him. He shook his head rapidly, not wanting to remember that scene and the feeling of satisfaction that came out of it.

"I know the one found in the Reapers' memory databases-" Aldina started, but was cut off by Garrus again, who held up his hand.

"Don't bring _them_ into this." He realized that he had trouble breathing from the sudden anger. The dead biotic disappeared from his mind completely.

"Fine, I won't." Aldina agreed. "I know it still freaks out many people, but their memory has some really interesting info-"

"Just stop. _Please._"

Aldina sighed. "Shepard isn't what's really bothering you, anyways. This… other thing is recent and is upsetting you more than you think. If you want my advice, and I guess you do because you're paying for it, _deal with it_."

"I… I can't." Garrus sighed, his brow plates and shoulders drooping. "I can't solve other people's problems anymore. Especially not the big ones."

"That's not true." Aldina shook her head. "I can still sense resolve in you. Whether you will use it, or keep wallowing in self-pity is entirely up to you."

Garrus bowed his head at this. He didn't know what to reply.

Her hands moved away from his head, and he heard a very faint rustle as she began to remove her robe. "Now…" She said, her soft voice becoming deeper and huskier. "I also sensed you have other needs I can attend to."

Circling around the chair, she let him look at her naked body in its full glory. He would have preferred if it was without the green glowing lines, but there was nothing he could do about it. He closed his eyes, letting the image of Shepard appear in his mind again.

* * *

Back in his car, returning home, Garrus definitely felt better. Was it just from the sexual release, or did the talk help too, he didn't care. The only thing that mattered to him was that he had a clearer head now. Maybe he can figure out what to do now.

After a short while, he realized that the only possible solution was to… deal with i_t_. He couldn't just lie down and quit. He knew the possible consequences of what happened yesterday. If someone starts killing the converted races, and the tensions rise too high… well, it wouldn't end up pretty. And he couldn't forget about _them_, too, what would _they_ do when they find out. It should be properly investigated.

And investigation was his forte, wasn't it?

Garrus switched the auto-pilot of his car off, and directed it manually towards the reintegration district. Somehow, this action made him feel even calmer.

_There you go, Mom. Your son isn't a quitter, after all._


	5. Knowing Many Things

Chapter 5: Knowing Many Things

Garrus has always been a man of action. The fact that he got off his butt and finally _did _something about what bothered him pleased him more than he could imagine. He wasn't one to waste time, either. While he travelled to the reintegration district, he already prepared a plan and set it in motion.

The first thing he did was to make several calls, asking all of his friends if they've heard of any weird attacks on the converted, or if the attacks on them increased in general. The quickest to reply was EDI (he sometimes wished for a mind with her processing power) with a statistics-filled report on husks. He glanced over it briefly, but didn't find any mention of circuit-eating energy. The data's accuracy was questionable, though, with the amount of husks running on Earth or other human colonies. A few could go missing, and no one would notice.

Liara called just a few moments after EDI, saying that no protests or attacks have been made on the Ardat-Yakshi monastery, but promised to keep her eyes on her network, in case something pops up. She didn't miss to call him paranoid just before she closed the connection, though. Garrus just sighed at that. She didn't see what he saw.

The reply he wanted to hear the most was the one from Urdnot Wrex, pardon, _Emperor_ Urdnot Wrex. Unlike most of the races, who grudgingly accepted their own converted, the Krogan Empire was accepting them all_._ With all the planets they've been given, they had room for refugees. Under Wrex and Eve's leadership, their own painful experience over the centuries and _the change,_ the krogan turned out to be one of the best, if not _the_ best adapted race. Tuchanka was being rebuilt faster than anyone could imagine before the war, all the new planets were prosperous, and the krogan seemed happy with the idea of everyone living under the same roof, so to speak.

When he looked at them, Garrus could almost believe this could work. If there was someone wanting to mess up the new order, was there a better place to do it than on one of their worlds? He really had a hunch that Wrex's report will be the most interesting one.

The second part of his plan involved finding out more about the mysterious device. He tried to figure out the scans he got earlier on his own, but without much success. All he was able to tell for certain, was that it was constructed by combining organic and synthetic material, in a way that reminded him of how they were all built now, only less sophisticated. That wasn't his thing, really. He tried to keep up with the times, but he stuck to the plain old technology instead. Luckily, he was introduced recently to someone inside the district who _knew_ about that stuff. He only hoped she lived up to her name.

He sighed again and parked his car on a landing pad near the district. He'd never leave it inside. A little walk won't hurt him, right?

There were no forcefields or walls to mark the border to the district, but he knew immediately when he crossed it. The difference in the looks of this place compared to the rest of Cipritine was quite obvious. He knew about it, of course, but it would still get to him every time he saw it in person. The air of neglect for this place, coming from other turians, was so thick he could _smell_ it.

Garrus picked up the pace, not really wanting to be recognized. And he was quite sure he would be recognized if someone took a good look at him. These people considered him their hero, although he never really understood why. It's not like he did much. Were the other turians really treating them so badly that his nearly non-existent actions earned so much respect? It was thanks to him that they were stuck here in the first place.

He shook his head. _You're not primarch anymore. What's done is done._ He tried to reassure himself. _Focus on the task at hand._

He walked at a brisk pace for another 15 minutes down the run down streets, avoiding eye contact with anyone. It worked, and he got near the place where Sirra died without any interruptions. The geth's house was just around the corner from there. He was about to go around the corner to emerge on the street where it happened, when several angry marauder voices shouting stopped him.

"Take that down, now! It's not allowed!" The first voice he heard was full of anger and hatred.

"The new primarch allows these shrines. _She_'s the only one who can save us." The other voice was defensive and upset, but also… familiar.

"Bullshit! Thanks to her we're all stuck like this!" The first voice spoke again, followed by at least two more who were trying to shut him up. "Don't you see?" It yelled even louder. "You're worshipping a woman who turned us into… into… _this!_"

Garrus didn't want to get involved. However, when it clicked in his mind what was all of this about (or rather, about _whom_), he found himself walking on the scene.

Indeed, on the spot where Sirra died was a holo of Shepard and a thing resembling an altar, obviously put together hastily. The marauder who spoke first was standing in a threatening manner above the second marauder who was kneeling in front of the shrine. Two other marauders he heard were trying to calm the first one down, but without much success. He was still shouting, now directly insulting Shepard, and that pushed Garrus over the edge.

Boiling with anger, he approached the marauder, who was still spouting insults. His taloned fingers were clenched into a fist. The marauders were too absorbed in their argument to notice him.

Garrus stood with his legs apart, straightened and punched the offending marauder square in the face, with all the inner turmoil he's been through for the last few days adding to the blow. The poor marauder flew through the air and slumped on the ground, knocked out cold. There was a small blue stream trickling down his chin and neck, and one of his mandibles was sticking out at a weird angle.

Garrus stared at what he did, panting, and wiped the blood off his knuckles on the inner side of his jacket. The other marauders showed no intention of attacking him, and he felt relief. For a moment he was afraid he'll end up in a fistfight. What he did was stupid, but when it was about Shepard he couldn't control himself.

"Old Listor finally got what he deserved. He's been talking shit like that ever since the change." One of the marauders who tried to calm Listor down before said. "We were tempted to do the same, sir, but we're friends and feel sorry for the poor guy." As they spoke, they took him between themselves and dragged him out of there.

Garrus barely paid attention to them, lost in thought, as he stared at the holo of Shepard. _Is this what you wanted, Teresa?_ He asked in his mind, staring at the holo's unmoving eyes. _If you are looking down right now, what do you see? Do you like it? Tell me, what am I-, what are _we _supposed t-"_

"-ir? Sir! Mr. Vakarian!" The voice of the remaining marauder interrupted him. He got off his knees while Garrus was lost in thought.

"I didn't want to hit him so hard…" Garrus muttered, mostly to himself. "But when it's about _her…_"

"He's never approved of what happened to us… and he lost his son the same way I lost my Sirra. But I don't blame Shepard for it. She helped us before, so she'll do it again, as a spirit."

Garrus blinked, speechless. He suddenly realized three things. One, there was at least one more attack. Two, the marauder praying was Sirra's husband and he didn't notice it until now (all the marauders looked the same to him, and it wasn't something he was proud of). Three, the marauders were very close to fight among themselves because of Shepard worship.

He swallowed hard. Was this the first tiny crack that would eventually cause their society to crumble? He knew how these things worked; the history was full of them. Has it already begun?

The marauder began to fidget when Garrus didn't speak for a while. He stammered, breaking the silence: ""I-I'll m-move the sh-shrine right away, s-sir. I k-know you d-don't approve."

Garrus shook his head. "No need. I'm not in the position to approve or disapprove such things anymore. If Primarch Ormelius says it's okay, go for it." After what he just did, and with knowing what the poor marauder's been through, Garrus had no intention of harassing him.

There was something about this whole shrine situation that bothered him more than he would admit, though, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He had no time to deal with it right now, so he forced those thoughts out of his mind.

Garrus continued before the marauder could speak up. "I'm more worried about this other attack you mentioned. You said it was just like with Sirra?"

"Yes! It's always a box-shaped device looking just perfect to strip for parts! And Listor's boy wasn't the only one!" The marauder jumped up and down with excitement while he spoke.

"There's been more?" Just a hint of panic crept into Garrus' voice.

"Just one more. No one dares to touch anything in the street after it happened for the third time, but I get the feeling that's not the solution. There's more going on, I'm sure."

"I will get to the bottom of this." Garrus replied resolutely, fighting with a small voice inside his head at the same time, who kept saying: _"They are just marauders."_ He felt ashamed that after two decades he could still hear it.

"You will?" The marauder's eyes were shining with awe when he heard this. It looked like he was one step from falling down on his knees and worshipping _him_. "You were with Shepard. You will succeed!"

It was now Garrus' turn to fidget. This was making him feel extremely awkward. He cleared his throat. "I'm just an ordinary person, uh, _sir_." It felt even more awkward when he called the marauder _sir_.

"Just call me Ridon. No need for title giving, sir_._" The marauder replied, obviously honored out of his mind.

"I'll figure out what's going on, Ridon, I promise." Garrus said, happy he doesn't have to call him _sir_ anymore.

"I'll be praying that you succeed. Good luck." With that, Ridon knelt in front of the shrine again and resumed his prayers. Garrus just walked away, not wanting to hear him praying to Shepard.

Arriving at Knows-Many-Things' house, he rang the doorbell politely. Things opened the door in a few moments, with her flashlight staring straight at him. "If you're here about Ms. Goto again, I assure you there's nothing I can do for her."

"No, no. She returned to Earth. I think she finally realized the truth, although she might not like it. I'm here about the, uh, _problems_ that appeared in the district recently." Garrus cleared his throat as he spoke.

"Ah." The geth's flashlight plates twitched. "I could have thought you'd want to help. We'd better talk inside. Come in." She motioned at him to follow.

As he walked behind her, Garrus couldn't help but to voice the thought that bothered him for a while. "Why does everyone here think I'm some sort of savior? It's thanks to me that these poor people are stuck here in the first place."

They arrived in the same room they've been in when he visited with Kasumi. They both sat down, and Things replied, "You did that to placate the radicals. But you cared. You wanted to protect them. People feel that. You're here now because you _care_."

"I… I witnessed the first attack." Garrus said in a low voice. "It was horrible. I… wanted to convince myself that I don't care but… couldn't. Am I the only turian who feels that way? Is the new primarch even giving a damn?"

The geth shook her head. "I don't think he is. He allowed the worshipping thing; I guess to make him look like he did _something, _but beyond that he just ignores this place, like most of the turians." She shrugged. "Meh. Politicians. Bastards."

"Hey. I was one too." Garrus chuckled, despite the situation.

"If there were more politicians like you, the galaxy would be a much better place to live in." Things sounded dead serious.

"Maybe." It was Garrus' turn to shrug. "But I couldn't do it anymore."

"That's because you cared." The geth repeated. "Of course it would get to you after a while."

"You sound like you know a lot about organics…" Garrus said before he could stop himself. Even after all these years he _still_ felt awkward having this sort of talk with synthetics.

"I do." Things replied simply. "I didn't earn my name for nothing. I could go on and on about your nature, but we have more pressing matters to discuss. What do you know about the attacks?"

"The device used to erase the circuits is constructed from both organic and synthetic material. It reminds me of the stuff you do in the Institute, actually. I have some scans I took when I tried to help the poor woman who died first." Garrus activated his omni-tool and transferred the scans to Things.

"Good!" The geth sounded pleased. "I've only heard about those things from the scared marauders so far. Having a scan will help greatly."

Her flashlight was focused on the omni-tool's display for several long minutes, and she mumbled under her breath occasionally. Garrus didn't catch most of it, until she raised her voice. "You were right; this indeed looks like it came from SRI. If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was made by Dr. Ormelius."

"_Doctor_ Ormelius?"

"Yes, the primarch's daughter. She decided to dedicate her life to the synthesis research, and help the races adapt. As you can imagine, she doesn't get along with her father very well."

Garrus felt embarrassed for some reason, like he was supposed to know this. Why should he know the primarch's daughter? He shrugged.

The geth continued. "No one integrates the Reaper samples as well as her, and this is almost as good as her work. But I know she would never let anyone use her work to harm people."

"Wait, wait, wait." Garrus took a deep breath suddenly. "You use Reaper samples at the institute?"

"Of course." Things replied, a bit surprised at his reaction. "How do you think we'd help the converted, especially the marauders? Their transition was not seamless. The machine parts of them keep failing for some reason. That's why they need a source of tech parts all the time, and that's why I'm here. The Institute found a solution for their problem, but it wasn't perfect. They didn't want to distribute it. So I quit and now help them with the imperfect solution. Keeps them alive."

"But those are _Reaper samples_." Garrus couldn't just get over it. He lost her explanation some time after the "of course".

"They don't indoctrinate people anymore, if that's what you're afraid of. However, we know that bringing Reapers here would upset the population, so those kinds of research are done on a remote space station."

Garrus heard her words, but they didn't register properly with him. All he could think about were _Reapers_. For him, the culprit for all this mess has already been found.

_Of course. It had to be them._

Things twitched her flashlight plates again. "I still have some contacts at SRI. I could dig around, see what I can find. There could be a traitor among them."

_There is. Big, squid-like, flying._

"I know what you're thinking, and I think you're wrong." Things said after he continued to be silent. "But I could be wrong too. I suggest we wait and see the results of my search."

Garrus hated waiting, but there was nothing he could do but to agree at the moment. As a former investigator, he knew he couldn't just act on a hunch. He needed solid evidence.

As he exited Knows-Many-Things' house, his omni-tool beeped. He expected a message from Wrex, but it was from an unknown sender instead, containing only a single line of text: _"You were smart to step down. Now be smart again and stay out of this."_


	6. Hope

Chapter 6: Hope

Trebia nearly touched the horizon and cast long shadows over Cipritine as Garrus flew above the city. It was a long day, filled with excitement and mood swings, and it ended with a threat. Not that he was upset much. While he was primarch, he received a similar message at least once per week. He didn't carry that attack program on his omni-tool for nothing, indeed.

This one, though, carried a little more weight than an insulting email written by a disgruntled taxpayer, and he was aware of it. However, he wouldn't be deterred from his decision to get to the bottom of the mysterious events unfolding in the last two days. In a way, he missed the action and the adrenaline coursing through him. Being in the middle of the events, not hidden behind video feeds and reports got his heart beating with excitement again.

It felt almost as good as the old times.

As the auto-pilot of his car carried him home, his omni-tool beeped again, but this time it was a message from Tali. It was obviously written in a hurry - between two Admiralty Board meetings, Garrus suspected - and it contained Tali's apology about not hearing anything. It wasn't too surprising, after all Rannoch got away from receiving any kind of converted. They had enough problems just with re-establishing cities. From what's he heard, though, the geth and Reapers provided great help in organizing things. It was another example of the new order actually _working_.

The car touched down on his private landing pad, and as soon as he got off sank in the garage located under the house. Garrus entered through the front door and was accosted by his VI as soon as he was through.

"Emperor Urdnot Wrex is on hold on vidcom. I suggested contacting you via omni-tool, but he insisted."

"Thanks, I'll receive it right away." Garrus walked over to the holo communicator and wondered for a moment why Wrex insisted on video contact. Probably wanted to show off his new ceremonial outfit, he concluded with a chuckle.

He pushed the button on the device, and Wrex's image shimmered into view, and yes, he wore a rather extravagant _robe_. "Greetings, Your Majesty. I hope you haven't been waiting for too long." Garrus said formally, but with his mandibles twitching from the urge to laugh. It was still funny to see Wrex like this.

"Nah, it's okay." Wrex said and chuckled at his formalities. "Wanted to _see_ how you're doing. Got me worried when I heard you stepped down, but you look okay."

Garrus still had a hard time accepting that Wrex actually _cared_ about him, but it was confirmed yet again. Of all the diplomatic session he's been through, the ones with him were the easiest to bear. The mighty krogan emperor was a different person than before the war, and for once it was a positive change. He lost the wall of bitterness and sarcasm around him and seemed to genuinely enjoy the progress of his people.

And progress they did, in more than one way. To see a forgotten, outcast race to advance from tribals fighting each other to a mighty empire was comforting. It gave hope.

He said: "Doing good. Glad I don't have to hold speeches anymore."

Wrex chuckled again. "'_The marauders are our friends now.'_ I'd go nuts from repeating that phrase over and over again, too. It's hard to instill truth in the thick turian heads, huh?"

"Very hard. And now someone's attacking those poor souls in the district. And nobody seems to care. Something's… off."

"Yes, I've read your message." Wrex replied in a thoughtful voice. "And I agree, something's off. I got a report yesterday about an _incident_ on Hope, of all places."

Garrus narrowed his eyes. So he had a good hunch, after all, although at the second thought he wished he didn't. Hope was an aptly named planet, and also a source of pride for him.

"Let me guess: there was an attack on the batarians." He said, feeling his mandibles click in a strange way as he spoke. This was another personal blow to him.

The small number of the batarians who survived the war found themselves to be true refugees after it ended. Khar'Shan was destroyed so utterly that it became uninhabitable, and without the Hegemony's rule they were truly lost. The Krogan Empire offered to help, but only if they're given a planet to house them. Tuchanka was still in a bad condition back then. Garrus, being a fresh primarch and eager to prove that _he can do it_, ceded a planet that belonged to his people immediately, and the batarians named it Hope. That was the first time he received threats and hate mail, but he didn't care. When he saw the unexpected alliance actually work, he was convinced it was the right move.

And now someone was messing with about the only thing he was proud of after the war.

"Yes." Wrex confirmed. "A wave of energy eating up the circuits, but unlike your case no one knows what caused it. It activated on its own, and the source probably disintegrated immediately, just like with your boxes. Four dead."

"Damn…" Garrus hung his head. "What's your take on this? Who's behind it? Our flying friends?"

"I don't think it's them." Wrex shook his head. "They really helped us rebuild Tuchanka, and given even more help across all of our worlds. I smell the sneaky little pyjaks behind this."

"The salarians?" Garrus lifted his head, surprised. "Why would they do such a thing?"

"Come on. None of the Council races took well that their perfect little society was shattered in a moment. And we all know which of them were known for their craftiness and _treachery, _don't we_?_" Wrex's tone changed just a little at the last part, but enough to serve as a warning.

Garrus sighed inwardly. The old conflicts would never leave them alone, it seemed. He said: "Let's not go there, huh, Wrex?"

Wrex laughed, and it sounded like the "old Wrex laugh". "Fine. Let's not. Still, they are the only ones who complained out loud about having batarians as neighbors. One of their deep space stations is located in the same solar system as Hope, and they were always afraid it's going to get blown up, or taken over or something. I just don't know why, the batarians are the best citizens you can ask for once they were freed from their totalitarian government."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm not a fool to make direct accusation without solid proof." Wrex replied, and Garrus felt relief. For a moment he had a vision of krogan troops attacking Sur'Kesh. The old ways of thinking really didn't die easily. Wrex continued: "I already sent some teams to investigate. Now I need to wait and see what they'll turn up."

"Mind if I take a look on my own?" Garrus asked, a little hesitant. Even with the change, he didn't trust the krogan to find their way around delicate technology.

"Nah." Wrex seemed to be understanding. "I guessed you'd have a personal stake in it. After all, Hope is your baby, so to speak. Now I have to go, little Prince Mordin wants to talk to his daddy."

"Thanks. And also thanks for letting me take so much of your time." Garrus closed the connection.

He didn't move for a while, staring at the empty space where Wrex's hologram was displayed. Although he didn't like it, he had to admit that what Wrex said about the Council races was true. The asari, shocked by the revelation about the Protheans directing them with the beacon and with their number thinned greatly by the war, lost their will to be galactic leaders and became reclusive. His own people were paranoid from the fear of no one needing soldiers in the new order. The salarians didn't take the change well either, kept grumbling about the krogan and batarians taking place in the galactic society, and generally proved to be uncooperative and useless. He got them to lend some of their scientists to SRI and considered it to be a great success. The humans were the collection of extremes they always were and kept arguing among themselves should they accept the change or go against it. All in all, the Council was just a name now.

While the pre-war pillars of society stagnated or even regressed, the former outcasts thrived. Wrex and his empire were a good proof of that, and the geth and quarians were another one, too. It was hard to adapt to such a big change for all included.

Immediately after the war, it all seemed easier. Yes, he was nearly crushed by grief, not sleeping for several days in a row sometimes, and eating only when someone pushed some food in his hands, but he had high hopes for the galactic future. He accepted to become the primarch of Palaven because he believed he owed it to Shepard to see to it personally that her dream comes true. Then, the everyday problems began piling on his head, and he had a harder and harder time to see the bright future he hoped for. Eventually, he came to believe that it would be easier if she removed the Reaper threat forever by blowing them out of the sky.

His stomach rumbled, and he was suddenly reminded that he didn't eat anything since morning. Nature still had its way, even with the change. It was also a good excuse to stop thinking about the past. He grabbed a frozen meal and stuck it in the heater, feeling the rumble in his stomach increasing.

* * *

Two days later, Garrus found himself on Hope. There were still no news from Knows-Many-Things when he left Palaven, so he told her to hold on to any info she possibly gets and wait until he returns. He didn't want to talk about it through open channels, especially after receiving that threat.

Not really knowing what to expect, he prepared for the trip by putting on his visor again, and tinkering with the attack on his omni-tool to make it a little stronger than what was allowed. It felt strange to come prepared for fight to a place which smelled as strong of peace and unity as Palaven's reintegration district smelled of neglect, but at the same time it made him feel more at home than two decades of wearing fancy suits and caps and making speeches. Garrus wondered if that was just another proof how hopelessly he was stuck in the old ways.

He exited the spaceport and decided to go to the place where the attack happened and begin his investigation there.

As he walked down the streets of the capital city (which was also named Hope), he couldn't help but notice there were other races present, not just krogan and batarians. Mostly there were humans and asari, but he spotted several hanar and volus among them, even a turian other than him. So, the rumors were true, and everyone was welcomed here if they behaved.

From what he could see, the population seemed calm. Garrus suspected they were used to the occasional attacks by the extremists and didn't realize the different pattern in this one. People would sometimes die when they happened, but _not_ by getting their circuits erased by adapted Reaper tech.

To get to his destination, he had to pass by a memorial wall put up in Shepard's honor. As usual with such places, he felt his insides cringe when he neared it. The feeling increased when he saw a lot of passing krogan paying respect to it, or even praying for real. He knew that they counted her among the Ancient Battlemasters now, but seeing her getting worshipped so open still made him feel awkward.

He was really startled when he noticed several batarians praying with the krogan. A sudden realization hit him like a blow to the head.

If the violent and ruthless batarians could get over the past and forgive the woman responsible for the death of many of them, even consider her to be someone worth praying to, then why couldn't they, the so-called advanced races do the same and accept the change?

He barely finished this thought when he was hit by another one, feeling like a blow of a _hammer_ to the head.

The reason why he was so upset any time he saw someone worshipping Shepard was… him. He never really moved on, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise. Every woman he's ever had sex with after the war had her face. He often spoke to her in his mind as if she could hear him, and that could be pretty much categorized as praying. _He's _the one who kept idolizing her in his mind, always afraid he wasn't good enough for her, and at the same time blamed her for making the most difficult choice ever.

The second realization made him feel like a miserable piece of shit, but he wouldn't give in to such feelings. The least he could do now was to keep it together and try to prevent the cycle from starting again.

_You did so much for me while you were alive._ He spoke to her as he looked at her picture on the wall, even with the realization he just made. _You saved my life with your sacrifice. I won't let your dream f-_

His visor suddenly informed him of a cloaked person in the vicinity. He quickly set the tracking mode to energy emissions, and was able to spot a figure setting up some sort of device at the base of the wall.

The timing was amazing, but maybe, just once, he had pure _luck_ and didn't have to go through impossible means to get what he wanted.

He targeted the cloaked figure with the help of his visor and hit it with the pulse of energy. It caused the forcefield to fizzle, but even with its increased strength didn't seem to phase the figure - a salarian, as it turned out - who looked at him and an expression of recognition crossed his face. Garrus had never seen him before. The salarian then grabbed the device and ran away.

Garrus was startled for a moment when his attack didn't have the desired effect, but recovered quickly and dashed after the salarian, intent on getting some answers out of him, even by beating if necessary. Behind him, he heard muffled voices of concern and confusion, but couldn't really pay attention.

The salarian ran quickly and seemed to have the advantage of knowing the city well, because he led them to a less crowded neighborhood with a complex of smaller streets and alleys. He also seemed to be super fit, and Garrus found out that he has real trouble keeping up with him. His own fitness was reduced during two decades of easy living.

Garrus pushed on, squeezing out every atom of energy he could find in his body, and managed to reduce the distance somehow. They were running through a completely deserted alley, when Garrus really began closing in on him. The salarian looked over his shoulder and noticed it. With an uttered curse, he began fiddling with his omni-tool. Lunging forward, Garrus hoped to interrupt him in whatever's he doing, but he was tired and didn't move as fast as he usually would. The omni-tool flashed in his face and the world turned black.


	7. A Friend in Need

Chapter 7: A Friend in Need

A dark, quiet void surrounded Garrus; he couldn't tell for how long. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he heard someone's voice. The words it spoke fluttered around him like butterflies, and he couldn't catch any of them. He felt confused, especially since he couldn't remember what happened to him.

Slowly, he gained more awareness of his surroundings, and his thoughts became more coherent. He was lying on his back, but couldn't move a muscle. That probably meant he was restrained, or - he felt a pang of panic - paralyzed. And the reason why everything was dark was that his eyes were closed.

_"… not really sure… waste of time…"_

The voice still talked, and he was finally able to make out some of the words, but it was not enough to make any sense of it. He tried to open his eyes, hoping eyesight might help clear things up, but his eyelids wouldn't listen to him. When they finally obeyed, his eyes were filled with bright light, forcing him to close them immediately and groan.

_"… waking up. We'll see, but like I said, this will be a waste of time… unless you allow me to proceed as we discussed earlier."_

The voice spoke fast, in a way which reminded him of how salarians talk.

_Salarians? Shit._

He suddenly remembered the chase and how it ended. For a moment, he felt truly embarrassed. How could he forget he's not the same turian he used to be 22 years ago, even with the fancy glowing lines on him?

The voice caught his attention again. _"… no! I'm talking about the _experiments!_"_

For some reason, he didn't like the sound of that. His eyes flew open, despite the light. This time, he was able to endure it, and adjusted in a few moments.

He was surrounded by glowing energy, for which he assumed to be some kind of containment field, because he still couldn't move a muscle except for his head. With some effort, he could turn it around slowly. In front of him was a salarian in a lab coat, and as he watched the salarian was just removing two fingers from the side of his head.

_A salarian in a lab coat? Now _that's_ trouble. Except for good old Mordin. Although he could pierce my ears with his babbling._

Garrus was glad that he could still joke about the situation. That would mean, he reckoned, that he wasn't seriously harmed. Maybe he'll get out of here in one piece.

The salarian walked over to his bed, or whatever he was lying on. Noticing his open eyes, he ran a finger in front of them. Obviously satisfied with his awareness, the salarian shook his head and made a _tsk-tsk_ sound, increasing Garrus' dislike of him even more. "We could have avoided this, Mr. Vakarian, if you listened to our advice," he said, with an air of superiority around him.

Well. If the message he received came from _these guys_, whoever they were, then he was in the right place, at least, if he wanted to find some answers. If the salarian wasn't that painfully obvious to be a mad scientist, he might even be glad.

Garrus found his words again. "So, you're behind these attacks?"

_Oh, smooth. No, you're here because they invited you for a chat and a drink. Well done, Vakarian._

The salarian obviously thought the same thing, because he ignored his question completely, and an expression of disappointment crossed his face. When he spoke, his voice was dripping with contempt. "Personally, I was against it, but my boss insisted you were brought here alive. For some reason, he thinks we might persuade you to cooperate."

Garrus knew the answer as soon as the offer was suggested, and it was a firm "never". It couldn't be said he liked everything that happened in the past two decades, but he would _never_ side with people who kill innocents. And the converted races and batarians were innocent in his book.

He still wanted to know what the hell they were trying to do here, so he didn't refuse outright. "I still don't know what you are trying to accomplish. I'm afraid I can't decide without knowing that."

"Isn't that obvious?" the scientist asked. "We're trying to secure the gifts of the new age for those who deserve them. Those who can handle it - the Council races. Not those converted abominations, or time-bombs like the krogan or batarians. It's only a matter of time before they turn on us. We'll even let _humans_ join us, although they're… unpredictable. We're not unreasonable."

Garrus couldn't believe it. He had heard similar rhetoric before… around two decades ago. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind, and he thought he could understand it clearly. "You're indoctrinated," he said, his voice reassuring, although mostly to convince himself, not the salarian. "You have to be. You sound like Cerberus with four races. They were indoctrinated, and tried to divide us, and so are you."

The salarian sighed. "I tried to tell the boss that this will be a waste of time," he said and crossed his arms over his chest. His talking speed increased even more, making him sound impatient. "You're stuck in the old ways on one hand and sympathetic to the lesser races on the other one. I knew this was going to end this way, but he has a soft spot for his race. Thinks they all share his view, or at least should."

Garrus blinked. So _the boss_ was a turian? _Oh, Wrex is going to _love_ this, _he thought suddenly. His opinion on the Reapers didn't change, though. "Don't you see this _has _to be the Reapers?" he insisted. "We start fighting among each other, they swoop down and the cycle starts again."

The scientist shook his head again. "They're machines. Partly organic, yes, but still machines. Constructs. Instructed to do what they're told. Before the war, they were instructed to harvest us. Now they're instructed to help us. We're only trying to make sure they help those who _deserve_ it."

"So you're going to do what? Kill those who don't deserve to enjoy the new order four at a time with your mysterious devices?"

"Those are simply tests," the salarian replied, unfazed by his attempt at sarcasm. "Each race, both normal and converted, has its distinct circuit pattern. We had to find the exact pulse of energy to disrupt it and eventually erase. Once the tests are completed, we'll find a way to implement it on a large scale."

"And you thought nobody will notice that people are getting killed?"

"Nobody cares about a few of the converted, or those thugs batarians. That is, until you intervened, and continued to be a nuisance. Luckily, our agents are competent_, _and removed that problem," the salarian said smugly, obviously referring to his _spectacular_ chase.

_Removed that problem._ Well, that sounded _final_. Not that it was surprising. Ever since this conversation started, and he expressed his disagreement with the salarian's views, Garrus pretty much knew where this was going. Still, thinking about it directly sent a chilly shiver down his spine and made him avert his eyes for a moment.

The salarian now had a smug smile on his face, too, catching on his discomfort. "I humored your questions," he said, "but I'm afraid that this conversation must come to an end now."

_An end._ Yup, it was final. Garrus felt his pulse quickening, but didn't say anything. If possible, he'd prefer to keep his dignity.

"Oh, a stoic?" the scientist mocked. "We'll see if you'll be able to keep quiet while I adjust the disrupting energy to _your_ circuits. You see, I finally convinced the boss that the Council races will need to be weeded out of those who believe we should unite with the converted and lesser ones. That includes his people, too, and he gave me a green light to experiment of you if you don't join us."

Garrus remembered Sirra and how she died, and felt his breath hitch. _No. Not like this._ As the salarian turned around to pick up something - he couldn't see what because the containment field shined in his eyes - time slowed down to a crawl and he closed his eyes.

During the war, he'd sometimes think about his death, aware of its constant presence and tried to imagine how it would be. Although he bragged to Shepard about dying with her in a giant Reaper explosion with him taking the killshot, the more likely scenario would be taking one bullet too many and watch his life drain away on the battlefield. In a more private, hope-beyond-reason-type scenario, he'd imagine lying in his bed at old age, surrounded by his family, feeling content and fulfilled, knowing that his time is up. Shepard would either be holding his hand, or waiting for him in the af- _ah!_

Something touched his right arm and sent a jolt down his nervous system. It stung more than hurt, but Garrus felt this was only the beginning. He held the grunt of pain in, determined to not to give the salarian any more kick than he was already getting from his experiments.

The salarian left his side, muttering something about increasing the efficiency. Garrus was left with his thoughts again.

After the war, he'd sometimes think about death, too. These thoughts, however, ended up with him lying in a nursing home when he's too old and weak to take care of himself, well known, honored and respected, but still just a statistic, a numb- _aaarrrgh!_

This one was worse. A hiss and a gasp escaped his mouth, and it left him catching his breath when it passed. But it _did_ pass and Garrus tried to steel himself further.

No matter how he imagined his death, he could never think it would be like this. Being restrained and helpless, at the mercy of a crazy scientist… _Not like this._ But, if he was right about what was coming, and the Reapers begin their rampage again, maybe it was better if he _doesn't _live to see it, or worse, gets indoctrinated. If only he didn't have to go through so much-

Something touched his arm yet again, and did something really bad. Garrus found himself screaming despite his best efforts, and knew this was the end of the line. Before his eyes floated the image of Shepard, in a blue dress, with her hair down, and with jewelry and dramatic make-up decorating her. That's how she looked on their date on the Citadel, and that was the only time he saw her like that. This was, also, how he saw her when he was clinically dead, shot by Harbinger's beam. Did it happen again? Did he cross the point of no return?

_Teresa, love, I'm coming home. Sorry it took me so long…_

The pain slowly subsided, leaving him weak. His ears rang and chest heaved, and his mind was foggy. He was afraid to open his eyes, wondering what he would see. The bar, if he's lucky. More likely, hell.

"Hey, Garrus! Hey!" He heard a female voice calling above him.

_Shepard? _He asked in his mind, still having trouble catching his breath. It didn't sound like her voice, though. It was _flanged._

He slowly opened his eyes and saw a silver-plated turian female above him, with a concerned expression in her eyes and mandibles. Although his vision was blurry, he could see he was still in the lab. His eyes closed shut. So it wasn't the bar. For a briefest moment he felt regret. It wasn't time for the happy reunion yet, it seemed.

"Hey, stay with me!" The turian woman yelled and slapped him across the mandible. His eyes flew open. Indeed, he was still in the lab. On the floor he could see the scientist who tortured him, either dead or knocked out cold, and two geth standing next to him. It seemed like he survived another brush with death. If this continues, he's going to beat Shepard at close calls.

"Wh-what happened?" Garrus spoke, finally gathering thoughts enough for a simple sentence.

"You lost some of the circuits in your arm, but otherwise you're going to be okay," the turian woman replied, and Garrus noticed she's wearing a lab coat, too. She also looked… familiar. "We managed to stop Dr. Coesh before he did any damage I can't fix."

Garrus took a deep breath, taking it in. He tried to move, but his limbs still felt too weak. Keeping still, he settled for a question. "I don't want to sound ungrateful - I know you just saved my life, but who are you? And where am I? Who's Dr. Coesh? How do you know how I am?" Once he started, the questions just kept welling up in his head.

"We don't have much time, so here's the short version," the female turian said. "I'm Dr. Ormelius. The male geth is Circuits, the female Hackie. We work for SRI. You're on Kellura-3, a salarian space station used by SRI. Things warned me about a possible traitor in SRI, and about you. I turned to Circuits and Hackie, the two colleagues I knew I could trust. Thanks to Hackie's skills we uncovered that some of the salarian scientists working for us don't like the current order and decided to change it. One of them is Dr. Coesh, who was intent to put you out of the picture, but we stopped him. Circuits stunned him."

That was a lot of info, but Garrus did his best to process it all. "They couldn't be all salarians, Coesh talked about a turian boss," he blurted out finally.

Dr. Ormelius furrowed her brow plates. "It has to be a misunderstanding. I know every turian scientists working for SRI, and they are all dedicated-"

"Doctor, we have to get him out of here," Circuits interrupted. "Can he walk, or do we have to carry him?"

"You're right. We'll talk more when we're out of here, I promise. Now let's see how you're doing," the turian doctor replied, and put her arm under Garrus' back, trying to help him sit up.

The weakness had passed by now, and he didn't have much problems to sit on the bed. As soon as he did so, he was shocked. For the first time after he ended up here, he realized he was completely naked. And there was a woman holding him just a moment ago. This was one of the rare occasions when not being attracted to his kind actually worked in his favor.

Still, it was _terribly_ embarrassing. He quickly covered his private parts, or at least tried to. His right arm wouldn't move no matter what he did. Looking at it in panic, he noticed it dangling helplessly at his side.

The doctor noticed his panic, and her mandibles flexed in a reassuring smile. "Don't worry; it's not permanent. Like I said, I can fix it."

Garrus nodded and covered himself with his good hand. He really hoped she knew what she was talking about. Becoming a cripple wasn't in his plans for the future, definitely.

At least his legs worked properly, because he got on his feet on first try without help, and took several steps without wobbling. Dr. Ormelius looked pleased, but it was nothing compared to the relief he felt.

Hackie picked up a medical gown from one of the cabinets in the lab and handed it to him with a twitch of her flashlight plates. "Here. I know how fussy organics get without clothes."

"I just don't know why," Circuits added. "We have no problem without it."

Dr. Ormelius' mandibles quivered at the exchange, as if she's holding in a laugh, but she just helped him get dressed wordlessly. He was really clumsy with only one good arm. As she stood near him, he could examine her features more closely, and suddenly it clicked in his still-confused mind why is she looking familiar to him. "I remember you from the last year's anniversary. You're the primarch's daughter," he blurted out

Her expression changed suddenly. If she was a human, he could swear she would be blushing. When she spoke, her subharmonics rang with awe. "Uh, you remember me. I'm-I'm honored." She chuckled and mumbled under her breath. "The Hero of the Crucible remembers when I was introduced to him!"

Garrus tried very hard not to frown. _Even now_, this sort of thing happened to him. In the past two decades, he's really had enough of it.

An awkward silence followed. They were both saved by Circuits, who said: "Can we skip the long introductions? Naduz is waiting."

"Who's Naduz?" Garrus asked.

"Our ticket out of here," Circuits replied, with a sound that was close to a chuckle.

Dr. Ormelius found her voice again, although her subharmonics were still filled with awe, and Garrus didn't miss it: "That's the friendly Reaper who's supplying the Institute with samples. When he found out _what_ are they actually being used for, he was furious to say the least, and decided to help us."

Garrus spoke before he could stop himself: "A Reaper... is helping you_?_"

She nodded, like it was perfectly normal. "Without his help we'd never get here on time. How do you think we got here so fast?"

"You were _aboard a Reaper?"_ All the thoughts about indoctrination he had earlier popped up again. He suddenly felt chilly again.

"Yes," Circuits replied, obviously amused by his distrust. "And so will you, unless you want to stay here."

Garrus sighed. He kept his gaze on the floor, struggling with his emotions. Was he really paranoid? Not everyone around him could be indoctrinated.

He heard Hackie say: "If he's having so much trouble with boarding a Reaper, what do you think he'll say when Doc tries to fix his arm?"

"I don't know. I think we'll have to tie him down so he doesn't run away," Circuits said through that chuckling sound again, and Garrus felt a metallic, but warm arm patting him on the back. "Come on. We gotta move."


	8. A Friend, Indeed

Chapter 8: A Friend, Indeed

Garrus still kept his gaze on the floor, struggling with his doubts. These people were his only way out of here, no matter if they arrived aboard a Reaper. Suddenly, it caught his attention that his gown had already adapted and was displaying circuits in the pattern he got familiar with over the years - his own.

In the early days after the war it would freak him out. Sometimes he would sit on his bed for a long time, staring at a garment that lost its circuits overnight, afraid to put it on again and see it glow. Many of the people he knew had the same problem and it made him feel a little easier until he got used to it. Now, this unfamiliar medical gown, obviously one of the one-size-fits-all-races types, felt like it was his own. He _almost_ didn't miss his old-

Garrus took a sharp breath. What he wore when he was captured wasn't to be seen anywhere. It was gone, and with it its pockets, and in one of the pockets was...

_No. No. No. _The picture of Shepard and him he drew was gone. _His_ picture. The possible loss of a limb was nothing compared to how he felt now - this hurt. Adding to the pain, he suddenly realized that his visor was gone too, and the names of his squad with it too.

It took a long moment for Garrus to realize he's kneeling on the floor, whimpering and squealing, which was the turian equivalent of crying. Dr. Ormelius was at his side, holding his shoulder. He wanted to twitch it, but the shoulder wouldn't move, and her hand remained touching it. Swallowing his pain, he got off his knees and ignored the inquiry in her eyes. This was the most private kind of suffering, not to be shared with anyone. He moved away from her touch, somewhat roughly. She didn't follow, obviously getting the idea.

The two geth were looking at them, but didn't say anything, and Garrus was glad they kept their thoughts to themselves. He really didn't want to discuss what just happened to him, especially not with synthetics.

Now that the first wave of pain was gone, he felt angry at himself for getting so attached to two trinkets. And he thought Kasumi was obsessing. He wasn't any better than her; in fact, he was doing much worse. She was at least happy with how things turned out.

Shaking his head, he pulled himself out of the pit he fell into. He was still in a crazy scientist's lab and needed to get out, and breaking over relics from the past wouldn't help him. Motioning with his head at Dr. Coesh, who was still sprawled on the floor he said: "Okay, we have to move. But what are we going to do with him? Is it safe to just leave him like that?" His own voice sounded hoarse in his ears.

"I say finish him off," Circuits said with a shrug. "I don't understand why you made me spare his life in the first place, Doc." Garrus felt his mandibles stretch in a tiny smile. He began to like this geth, and nodded his approval.

Hackie made an angry metallic sound and her flashlight flickered as it stared at the two of them. She obviously _didn't_ agree with what was just said, but Garrus never got to find out what she or Dr. Ormelius would say. A tingling feeling appeared in their heads, followed by a booming voice, taking all of their attention.

_"Pardon my interruption,_" it said, _"but you need to hurry. I keep messing with their system to cover your escape, but I can't do it forever; they'll figure out something's wrong sooner or later."_

_Naduz._

As this thought appeared in Garrus' mind, he felt chilly again. Telepathy itself made him feel uneasy enough, but doing it with a Reaper freaked him out. He struggled for self-control. This one sounded different than Harbinger, though, but still, it was _a Reaper_.

_"What about Dr. Coesh?" _Garrus heard the echo of Dr. Ormelius' voice in his head. Turning to look at her, he noticed the increased glow of her eyes, but no other visible sign of maintaining telepathic connection with several people, and she was a turian. Was he really the last person in the galaxy to be so bad at it? _"Circuits is being his usual rash self, and suggests getting rid of him. What do you think?"_

_"Take him to me. I'd like to examine his mind a bit and see what these people are _really_ up to. I think it goes further than just several rogue salarians." _Naduz' voice rang in his head, and although the mention of _mind examining_ unnerved him, he had to agree that the Reaper had a point.

_"I think you're right." _It took a great effort on Garrus' part to speak to Naduz, but he got over his mental barrier. _"Some of the things he said are really disturbing."_ He felt a slight headache, but hoped it was just coming from his inexperience in telepathy, not the _other_ possibility.

Circuits twitched his flashlight plates angrily, but went and slung the salarian over his shoulder like a sack. To his great surprise, Garrus heard his voice in his head too. _"Fine. But don't come crying to me if this goes wrong."_ Unlike the organics and their eyes, Circuits showed no visible sign of telepathy at all.

_"I just hate killing… I'm glad you didn't have to do it."_ Hackie's uncertain voice echoed.

_"You have much to learn, dear sister," _Circuits replied, his voice echoing with sarcastic tones.

_Sister? _Garrus blinked. _Be quiet. Observe. Adapt. Yet again._

He couldn't help but like Circuits more and more, though. He appeared to be his kind of geth.

Dr. Ormelius cleared her throat, and looked at them with an uncertain expression in her eyes. _"So, uh, who'll lead? Just, uh, not me, please."_ When not doing medical or scientific stuff, she seemed quite unsure of herself.

_"I will,"_ the booming voice said. _"I'm feeding their surveillance system with false data, but it won't help if they see you physically. I'll guide you through the safest route."_

Again, Garrus couldn't really argue with anything what the Reaper said. This wasn't exactly how would _he_ imagine his escape from the clutches of a crazy scientist, but he had no choice. He could still feel Naduz's presence in his mind ever so slightly, but succeeded in blocking it out.

Their journey through the hallways of Kellura-3 was largely uneventful. Naduz could somehow _see_ what they were doing, and warned them of possible contacts. There were no alarms raised, so no one was even aware of what was going on. During several long moments, when they had to wait on a janitor to slowly clear the passage ahead, Garrus felt his doubts returning to him again. It all seemed _too easy_. Still, they had a Reaper on their side, and their tech was still far more advanced than of any of the known races. Maybe, just maybe, this was going just as it should. It was definitely better than having to fight their way through, especially with his crippled arm.

The last time he thought that, though, he ended up here. He could only hope that his luck was improved.

They arrived to a docking bay that obviously wasn't used much. Naduz spoke in their minds again, informing them how everything was ready and they only needed to go inside.

_Go inside. _Those were simple words, but for Garrus they caused dread. Somewhere, from the back of his mind, he pulled the memory of the Reaper they infiltrated during the Collector mission. That thing was _dead_ and it indoctrinated the Cerberus crew. What would "Naduz" do to him?

_He is already in your mind. He could have indoctrinated you ten times already if he wanted to. The fact that you're wondering if you're indoctrinated proves that you're not. He's a friend. Accept it._

Surprisingly, his inner pep talk seemed to work and his heartbeat slowed down to nearly acceptable levels while he walked. Still, he let the others cross first, and entered the Reaper last. When he did so, he felt his pulse speeding up again. The oppressive, familiar surroundings brought all the memories of the dead Reaper again. He was supposed to be safe now, away from the evil station. He didn't feel safe at all.

The first one to notice his discomfort was Hackie. She walked over to him and said, in as cheerful voice as a synthetic could muster: "I felt the same in the beginning, but after I've been aboard Naduz several times I got used to it. You'll see you don't have to be afraid of him." It didn't help him much.

"Switching to vocalizer." This sentence echoed loudly through the Reaper's empty hallways. Garrus flinched when he heard it, but still preferred it over telepathy. "Put Dr. Coesh over here, and I'll create a containment field around him." A beam of light appeared, and Circuits unceremoniously dumped the scientist in it. Garrus felt a weird satisfaction. If he gets to toss him out of airlock or something in the end, even better.

"Where to?" Naduz's voice boomed, and Garrus flinched again.

"Palaven. I need my lab to fix Mr. Vakarian's arm," Dr. Ormelius replied, again sounding more at home when talking about her field of expertise. Garrus wanted to tell her she could call him by name, but was too embarrassed to admit he couldn't remember hers. She took their _introduction_ pretty seriously, and he was afraid of her reaction if she finds out he just didn't care that much about it.

His thoughts were interrupted by the familiar queasiness caused by motion dampeners. Naduz was on the move.

"He needs more fixing than that," Circuits added, and if he were an organic, Garrus could swear he'd be smirking. "Just look at him, he's trembling with fear." He motioned at the ceiling, where Naduz' voice was broadcasting from and said, in a _very_ mocking voice: "Naduz, meet Garrus. Garrus, meet Naduz. Your friend."

"No introduction is necessary. Garrus and I met a long time ago."

Garrus looked up in surprise at this. Naduz continued: "I was the one who brought you news of what happened on Earth when your ship was stranded on that uninhabited planet."

A cold shiver ran down Garrus' spine. That was the day when he found out about Shepard's death and he didn't want to remember it. But, that was also the day when he - somehow - experienced the pain and humiliation the krogan have been through like they were his own. Even more, he felt the same emotions in the countless cycles before them and, truly and completely, believed that _this could actually work._

Was that all that was really needed? Just a little good, old-fashioned faith? How could believing help against people how kill innocents when they were supposed to help them?

Garrus blinked, suddenly realizing something. "Did I… connect to you back then? When I… felt things?

"Yes," Naduz replied calmly. "You accessed my memories, or rather, the memories of those who were harvested before synthesis."

"So I just… what? Pulled off a telepathy link just like that?"

"I wasn't trying to… indoctrinate you, if that's what you're asking. I didn't even know what was going on," Naduz replied, somewhat uncomfortable. "It was your doing. All beings, both organic and synthetic, gained that ability almost immediately. It just took them a while to realize they're capable of it. You were looking for answers and you got them. It was… a different experience for me, too."

Garrus swallowed hard. He asked, in a slightly more sarcastic voice than he intended to: "So, all we have to do is to accept the change? And what if we can't, because we still remember what you did to us? Will you start the cycle again?"

It was strange to say aloud what bothered him all this time. It was even stranger to say it to a Reaper. He had no idea what to expect for an answer, even less what to do if his fears were confirmed.

"Is that what you're afraid of?" Naduz asked, his voice sounding uncharacteristically gentle. Garrus nodded.

"So… organic. So… irrational_,"_ Circuits muttered to himself. So_… synthetic_, Garrus thought sarcastically.

"It's understandable," Naduz said, still in that gentle voice. "We were trying to exterminate them, no matter how _the old ones _wanted to rationalize it. Garrus, I want you to know that we were forced to do it. We were convinced that you were insignificant, not worthy of keeping your form. With synthesis, we gained understanding of you and we want to help you advance. Now that we have free will, the cycle will never start again. You have our word."

Garrus had heard the "preserving the organics in Reaper form" chant many times before, but for the first time someone admitted that the Reapers _were_ exterminating them. And it came from a Reaper, no less. His mandibles quivered as he thought further about what was just said. The Reapers were slaves to the cycle, too? He said: "I don't get it… You were forced? By whom and why?"

"The old ones. Our creators and _former_ masters." The boom of Naduz' voice was somehow reduced as it spoke these words. "They created the cycle, although it didn't go exactly as they planned. Believe me when I say that I'm glad we're free of them now. We were supposed to be their tools to prevent you from becoming something greater, but not anymore. We want to see you transcend and advance."

Silence followed Naduz' words. Garrus clicked his mandibles several times as he took it all in. It made sense. It actually made sense. In all the years that had passed after the war he never bothered to actually find out more, to take a look at the big picture, and kept sticking to the old ways instead. It made him feel guilty. Finally, he asked: "What happened to _the old ones_ after the war? Are you sure they won't cause problems again? Maybe all of this is their doing?"

"No, they are gone," Naduz said, and his voice was booming and confident again.

"What do you mean, gone?"

"Synthesis tried to change them, like it did to all of us. They resisted, believing they were above you, and not wanting to get down to your level. They struggled so much it killed them. So yes, the answer to your question is: _accept the change_."

Another silence followed. Garrus kept his gaze on the floor, lost in thought again. This was indeed a lot to take in at once, but it was his own fault. He could have had the answers right from the start if he wanted to.

"Just imagine the possibilities," Dr. Ormelius interrupted the silence. "In just two decades our technology was improved greatly, and the lifespan of all races was increased by 30 percent. And we can become so much more. Maybe one day we'll be able to crossbreed between various species, or even become immortal. I dreamed of such future before the war, but never thought we could actually achieve it."

_It's two decades too late for that, _Garrus thought bitterly when she mentioned crossbreeding. Also, he thought suddenly, he knew someone who dreamed of such a future before the war, too. He swallowed hard and stopped that line of thought immediately.

Finally, he said: "I'm… I'm sorry." The guilt he felt before was still in him. "All I know is, in one moment the Crucible was supposed to kill all the Reapers, and in another I'm waking up from a coma, everything's glowing green and Shepard's gone."

"Nobody said it was an easy change." It was Naduz again. "Even some of us didn't accept it easily - just look at Harbinger. He kept the old name, and pretty much proclaimed himself our leader, just because he's the oldest of us. Many of us don't like it, and think he's… well, a grumpy old bastard."

Garrus scoffed. "Tell me about it. I dreaded every diplomatic session with him. I hate how mocking he always sounds."

"I told him many times it's not a smart thing to do if we want to gain any trust among the organics, but he just can't let the old ways go. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Garrus chuckled, despite the seriousness of the conversation. Knowing that the Reapers were going through a similar struggle made him feel a great relief somehow.

"And if you want to know what happened on the Citadel back then, I can show you." Garrus raised his brow plates at his. He wondered how this could be possible.

"We gained _her_ memories when her being was turned into energy and spread across the galaxy," Naduz explained. "You'll have to link directly to me to see it, though. I understand if it's too much for you."

"No. I want to know." Garrus was finally determined to stop running and face the past. He always wanted to know why she decided what she decided. And yes, Naduz offered an explanation back then, but he wanted to see it from her perspective. "What do I have to do?"

Some of the plates and wires inside Naduz shifted and twisted, forming something that resembled a chair directly in front of Garrus. "Take a seat, relax, and close your eyes," Naduz instructed. "It's easier if you just let it happen and don't struggle."

Garrus sat down without hesitation. Dr. Ormelius approached him and clapped his shoulder lightly. "Don't worry, it's nothing like indoctrination. Your mind will be your own and you can break it any time you want," she assured. Garrus nodded and closed his eyes.

For several long moments he felt nothing. Then, images began to form before his eyes. They were blurry and twisted, but he was able to make out a dark hallway filled with human remains. He heard Anderson's voice speaking in his earpiece, and Shepard's voice replying him, but to him it felt like he spoke.

Then he realized what was going on. He was experiencing what Shepard did that fateful night in London. He was looking through her eyes, seeing what she saw, _feeling what she felt._

The images moved faster, like a vid on fast forward, but he was able to follow.

More hallways. Chasm. Console.

The Illusive Man. Pushing hatred aside. Convincing. His body falling down.

The arms open. Sitting down. Loss. Resignation. Garrus' face in front of her eyes.

Not over yet. Platform. Crucible. Catalyst. Explanation.

Hesitation. Death all around. Final decision. Dropping the gun, running into the light-

Garrus broke the link and found himself in the real world again. He really didn't want to feel what happened when the Crucible's beam disintegrated her body. His eyes clamped shut as he struggled with the urge to whimper and squeal again.

"Oh, Teresa…" A tiny whisper escaped his mouth. Of course she would choose this. Faced with killing all the geth and EDI, or becoming some sort of goddess and possibly ending up like the Illusive Man, this was the only thing she could choose.

That was her decision, and her decision only, he was finally convinced. No Reaper meddling. It wasn't a giant trap.

He opened his eyes to find the turian doc and both geth gathered around his Reaper-chair, all of them looking concerned. "I'm… I'm alright," he answered their unspoken question. His voice was squealing too much to be really convincing, though.

Dr. Ormelius touched his good arm, and he didn't shake her off, or move away this time. Taking a deep breath, he said: "Thanks, I needed this. Now I'm ready to help you figure out who's really behind these attacks."

* * *

**The Leviathan DLC came out just after I wrote chapter 2, so I pondered for a long time if I should include it in this story somehow. Finally, I decided it deserves a mention. (And yes, I know what it says about telepathy, so let's just pretend they all have an organic QEC **_**magically**_** built in, okay?)**


	9. Fathers

Chapter 9: Fathers

The soft beep of Dr. Ormelius' omni-tool shook Garrus from drifting away completely. Focusing on the mental link to Naduz took away a lot of his energy, and he was barely able to stay awake. He was still in the Reaper-constructed thingy, now changed to resemble a bed. Naduz even formed walls around him and the turian doc to give them some privacy while she checked on him. Garrus didn't object. Given what he has been through, it was a reasonable thing to do.

"You're okay, just exhausted. No wonder," she said softly. "Also… don't be alarmed if you feel prickling or numbness spreading a little further from your arm. Your nerves are… shocked by what happened. Take some rest."

He nodded and closed his eyes again. A nap until they get to Palaven wouldn't be such a bad idea at all, but his mind had other ideas. Images from the past appeared before his eyes immediately. Shepard snatching the drawing he made. His squad dying. Sidonis' back as he ran away from him. His father at his mother's grave.

All of these images flew before his eyes at a remarkable speed, even faster than what Naduz just put him through. He _had_ to open his eyes, and found himself face-to-face with the turian doc looming above him. "Dr. Ormelius!" he gasped in surprise.

"Don't worry," she said, somewhat defensively, "I just want to get more scans of your arm's circuits. It will help me reconstruct the missing ones."

"Can we talk while you do it?" Garrus sounded unusually uncertain, but nothing about the situation was usual. "Can't relax. Bad memories."

"I guess," she shrugged. "The omni-tool does most of the job anyway." She freed his arm from the sleeve of the medical gown and fired it up.

"So… Hackie and Circuits are… siblings? Did I get it right?" Garrus started the conversation and was indeed curious about this. The changes that come with synthesis would never cease to surprise him.

"Their personality matrix was created from the same two geth, yes. Makes them siblings in organic terms."

"But they seem quite different…"

She looked away from the omni-tool's display to fix her gaze on Garrus. "Do all children coming from the same organic parents have the same traits, especially when it comes to personality? Not really, not even identical twins." The subharmonics in her voice sounded angry and tired, like she's been through this many times before.

He had to look away. _They're like us now, _he reminded himself. Again. Will he ever get used to it completely? At least now he didn't have to worry about becoming liquefied. Somehow, knowing that made him feel even worse. The situation they were in was caused by organics, not Reapers or synthetics.

He forced himself to fix his gaze on the doc. Thinking this way won't help him. "So, how did they end up working for the Institute?"

"Their Pilgrimage - you know, geth do it too now. They were both very skilled with technology - Hackie's full name is Hacks-With-Superb-Skill and Circuits' Glow-Of-The-Circuits. I was their mentor. When they earned their names, they decided not to return to Rannoch but to stay here and study synthesis."

"Glow-Of-The-Circuits?" Garrus realized that his mandibles were quivering. For some reason he found the name amusing.

"They get to pick their name themselves, based on their skills or traits, and Circuits has always been the dramatic one." Her mandibles displayed a small smile, too.

Garrus fought with a wave of sleepiness. "Mmmhh, they're okay… but Hackie seems a bit naïve."

"They're more than okay." Her subharmonics got that angry tone to them again. "And if it wasn't for Hackie you'd still be screaming in agony."

He shuddered and suddenly felt completely awake again. "Sorry, Mr. Vakarian," she said when she noticed it.

"You can call me Garrus, but I, uh, don't remember your given name," he said, trying - desperately - to change the topic, even at the cost of embarrassment. That lab will serve as more fodder for his nightmares.

"I'm Atrin," she said and averted her eyes, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

"Atrin?" Garrus asked before he could stop himself. That was an ancient, archaic name.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "Dad thought if he named me after a famous leader I'll just follow along like a good daughter and join him in the world of politics and diplomacy. Too bad I had other ideas." Her mandibles flared as she spoke, and her eyes, when their gaze returned to him, had a hard glint in them despite the green glow.

Atrin Impera. Every turian who wasn't skipping history classes as a kid knew who that was. She invented the meritocracy system that was still in use, even though its importance faded more and more with every year passing after the war. Expecting your daughter to be like her was a lot to ask for.

"Fathers…" Garrus sighed. This was something he could relate to. "Burdening their kids with their own ambitions. Why are they always like that?"

Atrin's attention turned back to her omni-tool. "He _tried_ to burden me. I never let him. I was a doctor even before the war, not a diplomat or a politician."

It was now his turn to look away again. For all his attempts to play rebel, he always did what his father wanted - until he met Shepard. He joined C-Sec. He gave up on special training offered to Spectre candidates. He never drew another picture after his father caught him doing it when he was ten and berated him for being so childish.

Actually, Garrus corrected himself, he did draw another picture, but… He cringed at the memory.

Atrin's omni-tool deactivated with another soft beep. "There, all done," she said and got his arm back into the sleeve. Then she took a better look at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Garrus lied. He couldn't imagine discussing this particular memory with anyone. "So, after the war you switched to biotechnology?" Again, he was desperate to change the subject.

"It seemed like a logical thing to do," she shrugged. "With the new regenerative abilities everyone gained, my skills were put to a better use that way. Plus, I kept helping people, and that's what I always wanted to do, not shoot them." She paused for a moment. "You know, I was a really bad turian before the war."

He didn't know what to say. This was a naïve way of thinking he didn't agree with, believing more in Mordin's shoot-the-bad-people-to-help way. Still, this woman stood up against her father without encouragement from the galaxy's most famous commander, even in the old order. Takes a quad to do that.

He decided to keep his mouth shut, rather than saying something bad.

"We should be close to Palaven now," she said after they've been both silent for a while.

"Already?" His subharmonics rang with surprise. "I didn't feel any relay jumps."

"We're aboard a _Reaper_, Garrus," she shook her head. "We don't need mass relays, remember?"

"Dammit," he clicked his mandibles. "I'll never get used to this."

* * *

The lab he was brought into in the SRI complex in Cipritine looked too much like a surgery room to feel comfortable. Garrus never liked doctors and their torture rooms.

He was alone. Dr. Ormelius brought him here and then left to gather everything she needed to fix his arm. Hackie and Circuits returned to their duties in the Institute and Naduz was busy with the _mind examining_ of Dr. Coesh. He still felt uncomfortable at the thought of that, but realized that was the only possible course of action to figure out what's really going on here. The doc couldn't cover up Hackie's digging through the systems anymore without being discovered, even with her high position in the Institute.

Naduz had also advised them that it should be better if they kept everything that's happened under wraps until he discovers just how deeply the corruption in the Institute goes. It didn't sound too difficult. No one could enter Atrin's private lab without her approval, so he should be safe from discovery. The others were used to see Naduz come and go, so his presence wouldn't raise doubts either. The two geth were smart enough to keep their vocalizers mute. Atrin even assured him she'll fix him quickly and without problems. So why the hell was he so nervous?

_Maybe_ it had something to do with the fact that his arm will be fixed by using a Reaper sample. The nanides contained in it, the doc explained, were essential in restoring the circuits and with them his arm's functionality. If he wasn't so damn tired, she might've had to tie him down to prevent him from running away, just like Circuits said.

It was too late for that. Atrin Ormelius went through the door, carrying several weird-shaped devices. Putting them on a table nearby, she kept one in her hands and wiggled it in the air. "Luckily, I had one of the samples already prepared, so I didn't have to go and bother Naduz."

Garrus didn't say anything. _They are our friends_, he kept telling himself inwardly. His mind kept returning to the conversation with Naduz and Shepard's memories he saw. _This is exactly as it's supposed to be._

Taking another device, she walked over to him and touched his neck with it. "This will make you fall asleep," she said. "Your nerves need to be reactivated. It's going to hurt, maybe even worse than what you experienced when your circuits got erased."

He nodded. One good thing about the circuits was that needles were no longer needed. Garrus _hated_ doctors and their needles.

Whatever she gave him kicked in quickly. The artificial fog of sleepiness blanketed his mind, and he gave in willingly. For a while, he lost any sense of his surroundings.

* * *

Waking up was suprisingly pleasant. He had a feeling everything was okay with him. Also, he wasn't alone. Atrin sat by him and waited patiently until he regained full consciousness, saying: "I restored your circuits."

That was _exactly _what he wanted to hear. He tried moving his arm, and yes it worked, and yes his fingers wiggled, and yes he was damn happy about it. "Thank you," he replied, with gratefulness ringing clearly in his subharmonics.

Her mandibles flexed in a smile. "Just doing my job."

He smiled in return and sat up without problem. Then he pointed forward with his arm, then to the side and finally back, testing its mobility. It worked perfectly, and he didn't feel any pain, either. A warm feeling of relief washed all over him. "A damn good job, if you ask me."

"It's nothing compared to what we can achieve," she replied quickly. "We'll be able to modify ourselves the way we want to."

"Like… modding a weapon?"

"A bit more complex than that, but yes, the concept is the same." The green glow of her eyes turned dreamy. "Something's wrong, fix it. Want to learn something new, gain a new ability, add it."

He had seen such dreamy eyes before, just they were blue. The person they belonged to wanted a peaceful galaxy safe for anyone.

"We've made some progress in that area, but…" She trailed off and sighed disappointedly. "Someone's already misusing that. Besides using _my_ work to harm people, Dr. Coesh was modded in such a way. I hope Naduz gets something out of him _soon. _Spirits only know who else is involved and how are they improved."

_That would explain the speed and fitness of that salarian, _Garrus thought. _So I'm not that useless._

"Will it always be like that?" Atrin ranted on. "You do something good and someone just comes and… and… trashes it. When will we move on?"

_Yes and never_, he wanted to say. The bitter cynic inside him was subdued but not dead. Still, the look in her eyes prevented him from saying it. "We will, one day. It takes time," he found that his mouth was forming these words. It didn't kill him.

"Yeah," she said, but somehow not sounding very convinced. She looked past him, somewhere far away.

The angle of her head allowed him to take a good look at her fringe. It barely protruded over her scalp, just as it should for a woman, and its points were _perfectly _sharp and silvery, just like he liked before… before…

Before the hopping blonde ponytail that appeared in his mind almost immediately and the fascination for the golden strands he developed. He also saw those strands free and untamed, sprawled over the pillow and damp with sweat. Yes, that was better. Much better.

He was about to lose himself in the wave of memories, when the now-familiar tingling in the back of his skull appeared, followed by Naduz' booming voice. _"Progress on Coesh," _it said.

_"What do you have?" _Garrus replied, and to his surprise it came almost naturally.

_"Bad news, for both of you."_ Naduz seemed to hesitate. He felt alarmed. What could it be? _"Dr. Ormelius… Atrin… There's no nice way to say it, but your father is involved."_

There was a pregnant silence while they processed what they just heard. Then it sunk in and hit them with full force. Atrin squealed quietly with her subharmonics for several long moments. _"No… No! Dad wouldn't do it! He is mixed up with those nasty radical groups, but he would never… never…"_ She took a breath, but it didn't help her calm down. _"By the spirits, he approved me joining SRI. One thing we ever agreed on. He didn't do it so I would invent technology that would help him kill-"_

_"Atrin…"_ Naduz spoke gently. _"I'm sorry, but I can see into his mind. He can't lie at this point."_

Garrus wanted to say something comforting, because she looked and acted like a child needing it badly, but a quickly swelling rage inside him prevented it. _Of course,_ this was bad news for him too. He pretty much started it all with stepping down.

It was a determined rage though, not the rampaging kind that destroys everything in its path. He had focus now. He _will_ fix what he screwed up, no matter the cost.


	10. Blame

**Ugghhh, I'm so sorry for taking me so long to write this. I try to make at least one update weekly, but I got a bad cold last week, plus Atrin and Garrus refused to talk to me. Don't know what happened. Anyways, the updates should resume normally, unless they get rebellious again.**

* * *

Chapter 10: Blame

No matter how hard he tried, Garrus couldn't get rid of the accusing voice whispering in his head. _You did it. You did it all, _it kept saying. He stepped down, allowing Ormelius to become primarch. He brought the salarian scientists to SRI, and even considered it to be a great diplomatic achievement. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He got up from the medical bed he sat in and paced Atrin's lab. His hand clenched into a fist, without him noticing.

_This is your fault, _the voice kept accusing. It even managed to partially drown out Naduz, who was still on the telepathic connection, now explaining how the mostly salarian staff of Kellura-3 took the tech developed in Cipritine, and while they were supposed to be finding ways of its application in everyday life, they used it instead for their own, nefarious purposes. That got his attention.

_"How come _you_ didn't figure anything out?" _Garrus stopped in the middle of a step and was quite sure that the voice of his mind was too sarcastic for his own good, but couldn't prevent it. _"Things told me you stuck to Kellura mostly, to avoid upsetting the population of Cipritine. Couldn't you read their minds?"_

_"I didn't want to."_ Naduz' voice was as calm as ever. _"Believe it or not, I wasn't happy with having to do it on Coesh. It reminds me of the time when I was just a tool of destruction, and I didn't want you to think I'm trying to control you or something. I did it only to help."_

_"If anyone's to blame, it's me," _Atrin's voice finally echoed, sounding more composed. _"It's my damn father, and I'm the damn director of the Institute. I should have seen it, not believe that everything's working magically, or that everyone agrees with my idea of the future."_

_"You're the director?" _Garrus asked, surprised. _"You said 'high position' before, but I didn't think…"_

_"Yeah," _she looked embarrassed. _"Dad pulled some strings to put me there. It's not like I'm not good enough, I'm probably the best biotechnology specialist in the galaxy, but I wanted to do it _properly_"_

_"You think he put you there because…?" _Garrus trailed off. She suggested this earlier and didn't take it well, so he was worried how she will react now.

_"I-I don't know," _she stammered. _"I hoped it was his stupid, barefaced way to make amends for… for our relations in the past, but now…" _She took a deep breath. _"I should've seen it. Spirits, how—"_

_"Atrin…" _Naduz spoke gently. _"Don't blame yourself. He counted on you to do exactly that. I also believe he counted on Garrus stepping down, giving him power to do what he wants._

_"But that's what's worrying me. For all his reputation, father's never been that smart or cunning._ This isn't like him. _I'm afraid someone's pulling his_ strings_."_

_"We can keep blaming ourselves and guessing," _Garrus spoke again, _"or we can do something about it." _He was mildly proud of himself for managing to maintain telepathic connection for so long, and he didn't get a headache, either. Was he getting better at this? _"Coesh said something about implementing their killing devices on a large scale and that's what worries me most."_

_"I noticed that, yes."_ Naduz made a pause. _"They actually believed _we _would help them with that."_

_"Y-yes, Coesh said that too, but-but you wouldn't do that, right?" _Garrus was less-than-convinced, and it showed.

_"Never," _Naduz said, the boom in his voice echoing with confidence. _"Like I said, now that we have free will, we want to help the organics. All of them."_

Atrin faced the wall while they spoke. Garrus could still feel her mental presence, but it was obvious she wasn't focusing on the conversation. In fact, it seemed like she was muttering something under her breath.

_"They thought we're still the mindless machines that we were before the change," _Naduz continued when no one else spoke for a while. _"But we can't be controlled like we were then. These people are delusional."_

_"Delusional or not, they are dangerous," _Garrus replied. _"I'm sure they'll try something else when they figure out they can't control you."_

_"They actually had a plan B ready," _Naduz replied, and the boom of his voice toned down a little, making Garrus feel alarmed, _"but I ran into some… complications when I tried to uncover it."_

_"What kind of complications?" _Garrus spoke a little faster than he usually does.

_"He was trained to resist our mind – I guess they were still afraid of indoctrination. I kept pushing, looking for answers and…" _Naduz hesitated. If he were organic, Garrus could swear he was taking a deep breath. _"… and it killed him."_

Silence followed. Garrus felt frustration welling up inside him, and with it rage he kept leashed until now. _Now what?! _He asked inwardly, trusting his recent better control of telepathy.

_"We can't let them kill those people." _Atrin was still facing the wall, but the echo of her mind sounded more confident than ever before. He felt her mind reach further, calling for someone else.

_"Doc…?" _Hackie's high pitched metallic voice echoed. _"What have you f—?"_

_"Isn't this risky?" _Garrus interjected, figuring out where this was going.

_"There's no other way," _Atrin replied quickly. _"Now that Coesh's dead, they'll figure out their plans are in danger anyway. We have to hurry." _Garrus had to agree this was true. _"Hackie, you need to get into their systems again and find out anything you can about long range and large scale energy transmissions. We have to figure out _how _they're planning to kill the converted."_

_"Sure," _Hackie downright _chirped. "I didn't earn my name for nothing." _She seemed to be eager to show off her skills.

Garrus was surprised at his reaction. He didn't want to see her get hurt. Maybe it was because she saved his life earlier with her hacking, or maybe, something told him, because he started regarding the geth sibling pair as persons and liking them _both._

_"Tell Circuits what happened and warn him to be careful," _Atrin seem to be worried about them too. _"We don't know how much time we have."_

_"No problem. We'll have the answers shortly." _With that, Hackie broke off the mental connection.

Naduz and Atrin disappeared from his mind too, and Garrus was left alone with his thoughts again. The accusing voice inside his head returned now that his mind wasn't focused on maintaining the link anymore, and he began pacing the lab again.

"Now we wait," Atrin sighed. "Again." Garrus barely paid any attention to her as the voice in his head became louder and louder.

_You sad, pathetic excuse for a leader. You did it again._

No matter what Liara might think about him and his leadership abilities, he screwed it up again.

_Just like with Sidonis. You refused to see what was coming._

He trusted Sidonis, even considered him to be his best friend among the squad; after all they were the only turians. He believed he was doing something good with funding SRI and finding scientists to join, and instead…

There was a growl in his subharmonics now. He felt it resonating within his chest. The voice was ruthless and refused to stop accusing.

_What would Shepard do in your place?_

She'd… She'd figure out Sidonis was a liability and kick him out of her squad on his leathery ass. She'd see that SRI was just a front for something much darker. She'd… She'd—

Garrus arrived to the lab's wall in his incessant pacing. Not being able to contain his frustration anymore, he smacked his still-clenched fist against it full force. He felt a twisted pleasure when the wall cracked. It hurt like hell, but he raised his hand to do it again. Someone grabbed it, however, and prevented him. Breathing fast, he turned around to face Atrin Ormelius.

"You said yourself there's no point in blaming ourselves," she said gently. "That goes for you too."

He kept glaring at her, but she didn't relent. Finally, he gave up and let his body lose tension. She didn't let go of his hand as he hoped, but started to gently rub the sore spots he got from smacking the wall.

Any other time he would have withdrawn his hand immediately, with force if necessary. _Right now_, though, he was too hurt from many different things that kept piling up through the last two decades, and felt like he needed all the help he could get.

Even if it comes from a female that belonged to his own species.

One of her fingers touched a trace of the scar from the Harbinger's beam, and she stopped abruptly, releasing his hand. "I've… I've seen you have a lot of scars," she blurted out, avoiding his eyes. "You even had some on your face before the war. I've seen the vids. But… But these must've been bad."

"Harbinger's beam." To his own shock, Garrus heard his voice replying. He never spoke about this to anyone else except the _Normandy_'s crew. "Got it when we ran to the Crucible. Wasn't hit directly, or I'd be disintegrated." It suddenly occurred to him that if he shared how exactly vulnerable he was, maybe people wouldn't see him like an invincible hero all the time. "A Mako took the brunt of it, but it hit me with enough heat to nearly melt my armor. Had third degree burns all over my body, plus damage from the exploded truck." He took a deep breath.

"H-How did you—" Atrin looked shocked. "I-I mean you're lucky you survived."

"I didn't," Garrus said seriously, and saw disbelief in her eyes. Talking about this felt really strange, but for some reason words just kept going. "I… flatlined. The _Normandy_'s doc tried to revive me, but it wasn't working. Then… _it _happened. Shepard reached the Crucible and… did what she did. Somehow, it brought me back. The scars never healed completely."

Atrin fell silent. Her eyes got that dreamy look to them again when she finally spoke: "So, it _is_ possible. Becoming immortal isn't just a dream." Then she winced, as if she remembered something and shook her head. "There I go again. If I spent less time dreaming—"

"Hey…" Garrus cut her off. "No blame, remember?"

She sighed. "I guess you're right." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. She looked down and muttered to herself for several moments. "I still don't get what possessed Dad to join up with the salarians. He's old-fashioned – and I mean really old-fashioned, turians-at-the-top-of-the-galactic-society old-fashioned – just hides it well." She turned to Garrus again.

"From what Coesh told me," Garrus replied, "it isn't just about the turians and salarians. All Council races are included – humans too."

"Humans?!" Atrin looked more than shocked. "Then I'm sure someone's pulling Daddy's strings. He can't stand humans ever since… ever since Mom died in the war following the Relay 314 incident." The last part was nearly whispered again, with a careful look in her eyes.

_Of course she'd be afraid how I'm going to take this_, he thought. He's been known as a xenophile with a penchant for humans (and a bunch of more colorful names used by radical groups) ever since the war ended.

"She was a soldier," Atrin continued, and Garrus guessed she wanted to take it off her chest, just like he did a little while ago. "Fought with those who wanted to see humans exterminated. Died in an attack on a helpless colony, killed by a civilian shooting a gun with actual _bullets_. Didn't help the colony – they were all killed. She's been the real radical in our family, Dad followed along. His job wouldn't let him vocalize his true opinion, with the new winds blowing within the Hierarchy, but he'd never side with humans. I don't know how or why it happened, but I was a stranger in my family, wanting to see the galaxy without all the senseless violence and conflict."

Her rant left her with her mandibles very close to her jaw, and Garrus could see they were trembling visibly. He didn't know what to say, so she continued. "Then everything changes, and it looks like we can finally achieve it, and what happens? I find my father trying hard to sabotage it."

"And he will be only trying, as long as I have a say about it," Garrus said. "I made a mistake by stepping down, but I don't understand how did the Hierarchy not see that he's a bad apple?"

Atrin scoffed. "Please. Don't mention the Hierarchy. He had all the credentials he needed in their eyes. 'Comes from a diplomatic family' and 'has his way with words'. Dad always knew how to sell himself, I'll give him that. Didn't take much brain_._"

"You don't trust the Hierarchy?"

"Come on. It worked only superficially even before the war, like all of the governments in the old society. Scratch the surface just a little, and all you see is rotting. We can't expect to become a functional society if we keep sticking to the old ways."

"What do you mean?"

"The old systems, our Hierarchy included, will have to be replaced eventually." Atrin clicked her mandibles thoughtfully. "The way we keep doing things now, keeping our old governments and pretending like nothing happened can't hold for much longer."

"So, what do you suggest?" Garrus asked, now really intrigued. What she said made sense.

"Well," she hesitated, "there is one 'government' from before the war that's still functional. Geth consensus. Direct democracy in its purest form."

"What?!" That was the only thing Garrus managed to say, shocked.

"Well, if everyone's involved in making decisions, then no one can say they didn't know about it or feel left out." She seemed to be actually serious about this. "We already have telepathy – now if we find a way to work around its current short range, and make everyone connected to it all the time… It could work."

Garrus just raised his brow plates, still in disbelief.

"I know, I know," she said, her mandibles flexing in a knowing smirk. "Now I sound like a new radical, don't I? We still haven't found a way to increase the range, so you should be safe f— _spirits help us all, how could I be so blind?"_

She pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead and remained like that for several long moments.

"What?" Garrus asked again, now alarmed.

She wasn't paying attention to him anymore, and her eyes increased their green glow. _"Hackie?" _Garrus heard the mental echo.

_"Nothing yet," _her voice came as a reply. _"I must admit that I'm stuck."_

_"Listen," _Atrin said, _"what happened to the _Voices of the Old Ones_ project?"_

There was silence for a while.

_"_Supposed_ to be shut down," _the reply finally came, _"but the files were kept by Matriarch Elerta." _There was another pause. _"You don't mean they're using it? It never actually worked."_

_"Check on it, please. If there was a way to transfer energy long distance this is it."_ Atrin took a deep breath. _"I know it's a lot to ask for to break into private files of Thessia's most powerful matriarch, but I think we're on to something here."_

_"It might take a while." _It was all that came through before the mental connection broke. Garrus thought that Hackie sound simply challenged, not worried.

"_Voices of the Old Ones_? Matriarch Elerta? I'm lost," he said when Atrin didn't provide any explanation.

"Circuits and his names," Atrin's mandibles fluttered in a small smile. "He was in charge of that project."

"But what was it about?"

"Remember _the old ones_ Naduz talked about?" Atrin asked. Garrus nodded. "They used sphere-like things to communicate telepathically all over the galaxy. We thought the technology could be used by us, but couldn't crack it. Eventually it was abandoned – or so we thought."

"I see," Garrus nodded again.

"When we talk with our minds," Atrin continued, "we control energy particles to carry the voice of our thoughts. So imagine that someone figures out how to use them, but not for our thoughts—"

"Ah, I get it," Garrus interrupted, "but for circuits-erasing energy."

"Exactly," Atrin nodded. "The asari were helping us with it – they were _the_ mental communication experts before the war, so to speak, but they were stumped too. Whatever was in those spheres was beyond us at the time."

"And now you think that the project hasn't been cancelled, but instead continued by this Matriarch Elerta."

"She climbed to the top among the matriarchs after the war; I'm sure she knows how to cover her tracks. We won't know for sure until Hackie gets solid proof, but yes, that's what I think." Atrin sighed; blame was clearly showing in her eyes again. "I should've seen it earlier."

"So we wait. Yet again." Garrus sighed too and sat on the medical bed. All this fumbling in the dark was killing him, but he had no choice.


	11. Sisters

Chapter 11: Sisters

_So, the asari involvement in this mess is confirmed, too. We only need humans now to have all the Council races accounted for._

Garrus sighed and looked at the ceiling. It was white and the lamps were too bright for his own good, but counting them at least kept him distracted for a short while.

_This can't mean Cerberus. At least _the _Cerberus from before the war._

In the time of chaos after the activation of the Crucible, before he was named primarch, Garrus organized an unofficial Cerberus-exterminating team, and they mopped up what remained of their organization. There weren't many supporters left, and no one put a word of protest against it. Everyone knew Cerberus nearly made them lose the war, so they weren't missed. Also, it was a good distraction from his grief.

Garrus looked down, his eyes hurting from too much light. Those were the good old times, when his old guns weren't outlawed yet. He sighed again, remembering that he passed the law on restriction himself. He tried. Spirits knew he tried. At least while he was on top, radicals or radical sympathizers like Kalen Ormelius could only frown and yell.

_But the Illusive Man was right; Cerberus is an ideal, not an organization. There'll always be those who put their own shortsighted interests before anything else. It's happening again._

He wished he had his old enthusiasm from two decades ago. He successfully commandeered the _Normandy_ while it was stranded. His Cerberus-mopping team did its job perfectly, too. He believed he was a good leader back then and, seeing various races working together under his command, thought that this green, glowing, new, strange unity could work.

Then came the invitation from Palaven Command. The invisible hole in his heart was smaller by then, but very much present. He accepted, not only because he hoped filling it with work, but also because he thought he would make _her _proud that way. He was still measuring himself to a dead woman back then, hell, he was doing it even now. The hole was reduced to a pinprick, but remained. The everyday life of a primarch, the tough decisions he had to make sucked on his enthusiasm little by little until he was empty. As strange as it sounded, having something to fight not only made him excited again, it made him feel alive.

_Maybe I needed this to make me stop run—_

Garrus suddenly winced, becoming aware that Atrin got up from her chair and left the room. He wondered what happened while he was lost in thought, and hoped it was nothing critical.

She returned in a few moments, carrying a bundle of clothes and handed them to him. "Here. The medical gown looks… wrong on you."

He nodded thankfully, realizing she's right. It made him look weak, helpless like a patient. Atrin turned around, giving him some privacy while he changed. Once he was done he cleared his throat to signal her.

Smiling, she turned around and wiggled a metallic, round object he didn't notice until now in the air. It looked like an omni-tool bracelet. Then she tossed it at him. "Just a little something to play with while we wait," she said, her mandibles widening in a deeper smile. "I noticed they've taken your omni-tool when you were captured, so I thought you'd like a replacement. It's a brand new model, not released to the public yet."

_They've taken more than that, _he thought, but blocked those kinds of thoughts before they had a chance to stick around. Smiling in return, he slapped the bracelet on the wrist.

Before he had a chance to turn it on, something happened, vaguely reminiscent of what happened when Coesh _experimented_ on him, but without any pain. He gasped in surprise.

"Ah—sorry—I should have told you…" Atrin got an apologetic twitch to her mandibles. "It interacts with your circuits directly to make it run faster. That's the feeling you're getting."

The weird feeling passed while she spoke. Garrus nodded, relieved, and fired it up. There were all sorts of options and programs installed on it, and it immediately got his tech-curiosity running. Browsing through them all, he glanced at Atrin sometimes. She kept quiet, but her expression was saying _boys and their toys_ pretty loud.

"Thanks. This was just what I needed to take my mind off… _things_," Garrus muttered. "How did you know I'd like it?"

"Oh, come on, everyone knows your love for omni-tools," Atrin said, looking really surprised.

There it was again. People knowing stuff about him, just like that, and presuming a lot from it. _Maybe, _he thought again, _if I was a little more open, they'd know the real me._ This was a pretty good guess, though. He was genuinely pleased with his new toy.

He stumbled on an entry he's never heard of before, at least not as an omni-tool option. "What's this _Bio-Armor_ thing?" he asked.

"That's one of the _brand new_ abilities," she said, with clear pride ringing in her subharmonics. "It forms a protective shell around you, attuned to your circuits. Excellent at soaking up all kinds of damage. Wasn't tested on the circuit-eating energy we're dealing with here, though."

"So, I'm not invincible? Damn," he grinned after what seemed like a really long time.

"Says the man who returned from the dead," she grinned in return. "Try it on; I want to see how it looks on you."

He obliged, curious to see what will happen.

A swirly mass of green lines appeared around his body (_of course it would be green, everything's green)_, quickly taking form that resembled a suit of armor, "decorated" with his circuits pattern. If it didn't have the circuits it would almost remind him… remind him of—

—_Reaper forces drop from the sky. He kneels with his rifle at the ready in a high vantage spot. A human female in glowing armor moves to the middle of the battlefield. She is just a light red streak as she runs around, sometimes glowing blue, sometimes throwing tech attacks. Looking through the scope, he mouths: _Be careful—

Blinking and shaking his head, Garrus snapped out of it. He hadn't had a flashback for years_. _He was supposed to be better.

Atrin was looking at him with a wary expression in her eyes, not daring to ask anything. It's not like he would answer, anyway. What was he supposed to say, _I look just like Shepard now, only green?_

No point to any of this. He took a deep breath. "I think it looks good." The subharmonics in his voice sounded anything but normal, even to his own ears, but there wasn't much he could do.

She cleared her throat. "I have something that would be like your visor, too, but that would require _modding._ Are you okay with that?"

There it was yet again. She knew about the visor, too, but didn't know _nothing_ could replace it. His squad was there, dammit! The modding business didn't sound too appealing, either.

A tiny voice appeared in his head, different than the accusing one that babbled ever since they found out about Ormelius. Maybe, just maybe, if he turns the page and leaves the past where it belongs, he'll be able to really move on and not deceive himself like he did until now.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am," he replied. As he spoke, he felt something more than just turning a page. It was more like a chapter of his past life was closed. A new one could start now.

Atrin left to get the needed equipment, reassuring him that it will be quick and painless. He'd seen enough of her abilities until know to believe it was true, so he waited for her to return without stress.

He logged into his mail account and noticed more unread mail than he expected. He must have been sleeping after the arm surgery for longer than he realized, probably more than a full day. It wasn't that surprising, with how exhausted he felt just before it.

There was a message from Solana sticking out in the pile of unread ones, over 12 hours old.

_Call me, it's urgent._

Garrus tried to make a call, but something was blocking a direct connection. He quickly composed a reply.

_I'm inside a secure facility. What's up?_

The reply came in less than a minute, almost as if she stared at her inbox, waiting for it.

_Yeah, right. You're not primarch anymore. I bet you're trying to hide you're still drunk from the anniversary week. Ashamed to show your face._

Garrus sighed. This was actually a better example of communication within his family. He wished it was better, but still knew he needed to lie about this. He couldn't tell her what happened in the last few days and put her in danger.

_Listen, what I'm doing is important. Can't make a call. Sorry._

The reply came remarkably quickly again.

_Don't say sorry when you don't mean it. Whatever. Dad was right. You ARE irresponsible and don't care about your family._

He was sorry and he did care.

_Sol, please…_

There was no reply this time. Garrus felt a tremble in his mandibles. So, Sol sided with Dad. There will be time after this mess is over for reconciliations, he tried to reassure himself. There will have to be.

Atrin walked through the door at that precise moment.

Some time later, Garrus found himself lying on the right side of his face, while Atrin worked on his left eye (she knew over which eye he wore his visor, too), leaned close over him. He couldn't see, but she warned him about that beforehand, so he wasn't worried. He didn't feel anything while she worked on him, and somehow it felt wrong, but he was at least grateful for not going through more pain or anesthesia again.

He heard the door to the lab open and moved his head instinctively, when Atrin's competent hands stilled him, and she hissed a warning under her breath_._

"Uh, you are not… how do the organics call it… making out?" Garrus recognized the metallic ring of Circuits' voice.

Atrin barked out a laugh. "This doesn't look anything like making out. You silly synthetic." He could sense embarrassment in her voice, despite the laugh.

"I don't know. He's lying on a bed and you are over him. It looked like your mandibles are going to get interlocked any moment."

Well, he had a point. Atrin's mandible touched his several times while she worked on him. Not that he felt anything from it. The only women who could get his motor running were blue-skinned, and a very special human commander.

Oh crap_, _there he went again.

"I'm giving him an eye upgrade. Now be quiet, or do you want me to make him blind by mistake?" Atrin still had an undercurrent of laughter in her voice.

"I have a message from sis, but fine, it can wait."

Garrus remembered EDI and her spying on _sparring matches_ that took place in Shepard's cabin back on the _Normandy_ (and sometimes in various other places) and wondered what it was with synthetics and their curiosity about organics and their sex life. This wasn't a question he was going to _ask_ anytime soon, though. He wasn't sure if he could take the answer.

He was still pondering the previous thought, when Atrin declared that she was all done. His vision returned and with it the seemingly endless stream of numbers and data about his surroundings. It was weird how much he missed to look at the world in this way.

Circuits approached Atrin and gave her a data disk. "This is what Hackie found in Elerta's files," he said, "it's too sensitive to send by mail."

The disk contained a vid of Matriarch Elerta speaking to her followers, a lot of them. She made a long, boring speech (nothing like what Shepard would do) about the asari, their former greatness and how they should reclaim it. They kept talking like this for decades, but never actually doing something about it. There was something different than the usual rhetoric, though. She mentioned Protheans, and how their influence on the asari culture should be embraced_, _not shunned.

Garrus felt a chill running down his spine. To find out the truth about the Protheans, about how merciless they've been to the races they conquered was shocking. He still remembered the chill he felt on the day he found out about it. And here was this woman, a powerful woman, saying that asari should reclaim their former glory not by art or dancing or sniping, but by brute force, maybe leaving the other Council races a _little _independence. And the crowd listening to her cheered.

They all exchanged glances. "She's dangerous, possibly a nutcase," Garrus spoke first, "and her rhetoric in parts sounds surprisingly like what Coesh tried to fill my head with. Still, this doesn't give us any idea about the project we're trying to find out about."

"Hackie's working on that, "Circuits replied, "and she'll find out how's my baby—"

"I found an entry in her files!" Hackie burst through the door and yelled. "Nothing about the project yet, but it mentions Palaven and it's marked with today's date and timestamp two hours from now. And look at today's news!" She opened an extranet site on her omni-tool.

_Primarch Ormelius named Commander Teresa Shepard one of our guardian spirits today. The first shrine in her honor will be opened in the reintegration district at—_

Garrus felt his breath hitch. The time and date matched the one from Elerta's files perfectly. Whatever was planned by these people couldn't be good, especially if it was supposed to take place in the reintegration district.

"I think it's time I ask my father a few questions," Atrin said in a dark voice, glaring at no one in particular.

"You can't go alone," Hackie insisted.

"Of course she can't, that's why I'm coming with her. You stay here," Circuits ordered.

"I'm an adult. I make my own decisions," Hackie argued.

"This is _dangerous!"_ Circuits hissed. Garrus didn't know his vocalizer was capable of that.

"We both know that," Atrin intervened, "but you can't stop us. We're the only ones who know about this, so it's our responsibility."

A pacifist doctor and two geth who were barely more than children? It looked like they badly needed someone to go with them. Garrus cleared throat loudly.

"Of course that includes you, Garrus," Atrin said seriously. "You're the best leader our people ever had."

_Oh shit, there she goes again_.


	12. Faith

Chapter 12: Faith

_Right, the best leader ever, _Garrus chuckled inwardly while Atrin outfitted the two geth with the same model of omni-tool he got earlier. _Does she have any idea? Does she?_

He was quite sure she didn't. The Hierarchy kept it well hidden. It would be extremely bad for the general public to know that the most popular primarch in recent history spent a little over a year and a half as a rebel cleaning out Omega. No, Garrus Vakarian, _the Surviving Hero of the Crucible _(there was more than one thing that irked him about that title, if only he'd allow himself to think about it), had spotless past according to the countless vids created in the past two decades.

Garrus sighed and shook his head. Few people knew of his little escapade, even fewer what really happened there. He sometimes wondered how they explained his pre-war scars. If there's time, he might even ask Atrin. She seemed to _know_ a great deal about him.

Rubbing his forehead, he blocked out those thoughts. If he doesn't focus, they'll end up just like his Omega-cleaning team and he wasn't sure he if could take it again. He didn't know these people as long as his old team, but they put faith in him and saved his life. He owed them his help, and his best effort.

Faith. Garrus sighed again as he thought about it. That's was what he needed. He had it right after the war, and all worked out well. Now all he had to do was to find it again.

Easier said than done. So far, he didn't have much success.

It didn't help that he didn't know what to expect, either. His plans were always carefully thought out and prepared. What was Kalen Ormelius hoping to do? Genocide, right here, right now? From what Coesh had said, it didn't seem likely. Once they were done testing, the poor converted were supposed to be eradicated in one swift blow. That was what he gathered from his ramblings, at least.

With luck, they'll manage to reach the new primarch before he makes his _speech_, there'll be some heartfelt father-to-daughter talk, and the grand plan of genocide will be recalled on the spot.

Right. Not in this galaxy.

_Focus, Vakarian._ He straightened, rolled his shoulders, and looked at his new friends. One part of him was surprised that he cared as much as he did about them. It was supposed to happen eventually, he thought. He couldn't have stayed in the fortress he built for himself after the war forever.

The two geth were busy inspecting their new omni-tools, and they flashlight heads were unreadable. Garrus sometimes wondered how they expressed emotions other than with voice and then remembered of the consensus. They were connected to each other all the time.

For the first time he wondered how that would feel like. Would he be able to see into Dad and Sol's head and finally figure out _what_ they wanted from him? Would they see into his and realize he did care about them? Was that the point of this craziness that existed for the past two decades? Erase the borders, not only between the organics and synthetics, but between organics themselves? All as one, understanding and _knowing_ about each other?

Ever since the change happened, Garrus' mind would freeze at the very thought of such existence. In the light of the recent events, he was able to at least consider it. Somehow_,_ it didn't sound as horrifying as it did before. His gaze fell on Atrin, and suddenly what she said before didn't sound so crazy anymore.

He shook his head again. His mind wandered too much for his own good. He focused on Atrin again and saw anxiety in her unnaturally stiff mandibles. Walking over to her, he laid a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up, locking her gaze with his. "Dad wouldn't hurt me, would he?" she asked in a meek voice.

Garrus didn't know the answer. He couldn't look her in the eye and lie, so he said: "I hope not, but if he tries anything I— _we'll_ be there." His hand gripped her shoulder in a gesture of reassurance.

The tension in her mandibles looked less obvious now. They even stretched in a tiniest of smiles. Garrus withdrew his hand and caught a flash of disappointment in her eyes. Deciding not to dwell on what it meant, he addressed the entire group. "We'll focus on getting more info. Atrin will try to talk something out of him, the rest of us scan anything that look suspicious. If it's really a large scale attack, we must prevent it at all cost, but don't do anything rash." At the last part he let his gaze fix on Circuits' flashlight. It flickered, but the geth said nothing. Garrus hoped he got his point across.

_"Forgetting something?" _The now-familiar echo of Naduz' voice took over their minds at that moment.

_"We'd love to have… air support," _Garrus replied first to his own surprise, his mind connecting to the Reaper's without effort, _"but you'd attract too much attention."_

_"Good point," _Naduz replied. _"The organics don't like seeing Reapers in their cities, unless they're busy rebuilding. I will monitor the situation, however, and offer assistance if necessary."_

_"No beams, no matter what happens, okay?" _Garrus asked, his tone becoming more commanding. He never imagined he could talk in such a way to a Reaper. _"The population of Palaven doesn't trust you yet, especially the marauders. If they see your lasers, no matter how noble your goal is, everything will go to hell."_

_"I am aware of that,"_ Naduz boomed. _"And I hope the situation won't escalate to that point."_

Garrus hoped that too.

Naduz broke the connection, but his presence still resonated within his mind, just like on Kellura-3. Garrus knew he was being watched, but did his best not to pay attention to it.

"Let's go," he commanded, taking the initiative. "The sooner we get to the shrine, the better."

* * *

Atrin piloted the skycar, silent and focused on the traffic, taking them to the reintegration district. He sat in the co-pilot's seat, the two geth were behind. Hackie was on the connection with Knows-Many-Things, telling her to stay away from the shrine. He could hear only one side of the conversation, but it was obvious she already connected the dots and had no intention of going there. If he got it right, she even warned some of her neighbor marauders not to go there too.

He tried to reach Solana again, this time using a direct call, but she blocked him out after several tries. He wondered what happened to make her so upset, but couldn't find the answer.

His omni-tool beeped then, and he accepted the connection immediately, hoping it was Sol. Instead, Liara's blue face appeared.

_"I've been trying to reach you for days," _she said, with a mix of worry and anger showing on her face. _"Wrex called me earlier and said you went to_ _investigate something on Hope and went poof. He was very worried."_

Liara. Wrex. He almost forgot about them.

"Uh, it's complicated," Garrus began, and saw her frown. "A lot has happened in the past few days…"

_"Funny, Wrex told me the same thing." _There was nothing about her expression showing any kind of amusement. _"He kept mysterious about it, too, said he wanted to talk to you only. I was able to dig up he sent Grunt on Hope for a _mission." She stressed the last word. _"Grunt. His most trusted commander. On Hope, the bastion of peace. What's going on?"_

Garrus wondered how much he should tell her. Finally, he decided to spill the beans. The old crew members were one of the few people he truly trusted. "The galactic society is in danger," he began, not really knowing where to start.

Her eyebrows arched in surprise. _"You're kidding me," _she said incredulously. His expression remained dead serious. _"Okay, you're not,"_ she added after a moment.

_"_Listen, I'm working on it right now," Garrus said, with urgency creeping into his voice. "The converted races are in danger." He saw disbelief flash in her eyes, but continued to talk without stopping. "The Council races are plotting against them. There's a good chance they are trying to harm the marauders right now."

_"I assume you have evidence…?"_ Liara asked uncertainly.

_"_I nearly died chasing evidence," Garrus replied, feeling his mandibles going stiff. "Believe me, these people mean business."

A gap in the Cipritine's skyline appeared, indicating they neared the reintegration district. Liara was silent. "I have to go. I promise I'll call you later and explain everything, but could you do me a favor first? Check anything out of the ordinary that happened on Thessia recently. Anything. It may very well be the source of the problem."

The disbelief in Liara's eyes increased, but she just nodded, trusting him. Garrus closed the connection, hoping he didn't put her in any danger.

"Who was that?" Circuits asked, with suspicion in his voice.

"An old friend. We can trust her," Garrus replied simply. It was enough for Circuits, apparently, because he didn't ask any more questions.

The skycar descended as the gap grew bigger and bigger, forming the familiar shape of the reintegration district. Atrin was still wordless, with a cloud of grim determination above her head. Soon, they saw their destination – a huge memorial wall with a picture of Shepard, and an altar below it. It was much more imposing than the one on Hope. The picture was a stylized work of art, depicting her in a triumphant pose, like one of the ancient warriors of the past. A large crowd was gathered around the stage near it.

They touched down on a nearby landing pad and exited the car. Garrus felt their looks on his back, but couldn't tear away his gaze from the memorial wall. There were so many things wrong about this he couldn't even begin to name them.

What was his faith? He hadn't prayed except as a figure of speech for a long time, unless his "inner dialogue" with Teresa could be categorized as such. _She _was his deity, the ideal he put faith into throughout all this time, and yet he fought talons and teeth to prevent others from doing the same. And now someone was using _her_ to achieve spirits-know-what goals, doing exactly what he tried to avoid.

The longer he thought about this, the more entangled his thoughts became. _Help me,_ he cried out in his mind, _if you are looking down right now, Teresa, help me._

"—arrus? Garrus!"

Someone grabbed his shoulders and shook him. It turned out to be Hackie. He took a deep breath and forced himself to return to reality.

"I—I'm sorry…" he stammered. He felt his talons dig into his palm. "Let's go, we have to make it through the crowd before the event starts." _(Focus, Vakarian. Focus. Focus.)_

Hackie let go of him, but he could tell she was worried, despite the lack of facial expressions.

As they pushed for their way through the crowd, Circuits and Hackie kept their omni-tools active, scanning the area. Garrus struggled momentarily with the settings on his new "visor" (the thing was controlled mentally, and it freaked him out at first), but eventually succeeded.

Nothing showed up on either of the scanning devices. Garrus was starting to get worried, and then a realization struck him like a brilliant flash of light.

There was something wrong with the scene, but it was visible with the naked eye, not scanners. He motioned at his group to stop.

"What if…" he began, his eyes narrowed, "what if this isn't an attack, but instead an attempt to justify a future one?"

"What do you mean?" Atrin asked, with a grim expression still on her face. Those were her first words since they entered the skycar.

"Look around you." Garrus motioned at the crowd surrounding them. "What do you see?"

The crowd consisted, as expected, of both the marauders and turians. However, for a meeting that was _supposed _to be a sign of peace and goodwill, the crowd looked divided_._ The both races were separated in two visible groups, and even among those two there were smaller ones formed.

"The marauders are divided on the question of Shepard worship," Garrus continued while they took it in. His voice cracked slightly at the last part. "I've seen it myself. And I bet there are turians who _don't _approve of having a human guardian spirit."

"So you think they weren't invited here for peace," Atrin said darkly, "but for fight."

"Just look at them," Garrus replied. "You can _feel_ the tension, can't you?" Atrin nodded. "Coesh said that the converted races are a time bomb, just waiting to explode. So what happens if the bomb's too stable? They couldn't get away with their genocide. A fight between marauders, or between marauders and turians, especially on this occasion, could justify their actions in the eyes of others."

Atrin nodded again, her gaze fixed on his. There was understanding and acceptance clearly visible in her eyes.

"The organics' tendency to fight over objects of their worship has been well noted throughout history," Circuits spoke, and Garrus could swear he heard certain smugness in his voice. "The probability of an incident is quite high."

That note of smugness made Garrus reply faster than he expected. He hissed: "You worshipped the Reapers before they got good, don't you remember?"

"_We_ didn't," Circuits replied, "the heretics did. And we gave up on any kind of deities after the war. Geth make their own future."

"Enough!" Atrin still looked and sounded grim. "If you can't find anything here, let's go backstage to have a word with my dear father.

"Can we just walk in there?" Garrus asked.

"I'm his daughter," Atrin chuckled bitterly at the last part. "The guards will let me through."

Garrus let her take the initiative, hoping she wouldn't do anything rash.

Much to his surprise, it worked. He had no idea she could act with such charm, talk in such a sweet way, especially after being grim and quiet for so long. Ever since she sat in that car to finally _have a word _with her father, she seemed like a different person. The unnaturally happy doctor, obsessed with her work turned into something much more mature and darker ever since she decided to deal with her past.

Something bothered him about this a lot, but he couldn't place it. Well, maybe he could, but didn't want to.

They found Kalen Ormelius in a backstage room, mouth-to-mouth with an asari. "Father!" Atrin cried as soon as she was through the door.

Kalen jumped away from the asari, obviously taken by surprise. In the silence that followed, Garrus whispered to Atrin: "Who's the lady?"

"I don't know her, but I guess she's one of my father's lovers," Atrin whispered back. "Ever since mother died he had a thing for the asari."

Garrus really, really had to try to not to be bothered by this.

"Atrin…?" Kalen finally regained composure. "What are you doing here? And what's Vakarian doing with you?"

"Did you really think it would work?" Atrin asked, with barely controlled anger bursting out of every tone of her subharmonics. "Give me some toys so I'm kept occupied and blissfully oblivious to what you're doing?"

"Yes," the asari replied with a smirk before Kalen could speak. Garrus' gut instinct suddenly told him to watch her more closely than the primarch. "For all your academic knowledge, you've never been known to have real world smarts. If it wasn't for Vakarian, you'd still be cranking out toys for us to play with."

"Typical…" Atrin scoffed. "I believe in a peaceful galaxy so I must be stupid, is that it? I can't believe you'd think that, fa—"

"Atrin…" The primarch finally spoke, cutting her off. "I don't think you're stupid, just that you think we're safe in the new society, when in fact we're not."

"Oh, so it's like with humans?" Atrin asked, her mandibles flexing in a grin when she saw her father wince. "They were a threat to the galactic society, weren't they? If only we had enough time to eradicate them before the Council intervened, we'd be happily _preserved_ now."

"But the marauders and the rest of the converted served the Reapers," Kalen replied. "We can't trust them." His mandibles clicked. "And the krogan and batarians, those savag—"

"They were savages because _we _gave them genophage," Atrin cut him off. "The batarians were exploited by their government. We should've helped them, showed them the right way. And the Reapers never wanted to be the tool of destruction they were forced to be. If you've ever actually spoken to one, you'd know it yourself."

Kalen Ormelius looked away. Was it working?

"Has the Council ever done anything right?" Atrin continued. Something gentler crept into her tone, begging him to understand. "All the races, not just us? The salarians were always involved in one hidden scandal or another. And the asari? Too busy shaking their asses and watching on the sidelines to actually do anything." She paused for effect. "Tell me father, what did we do to deserve the millions of years of evolution that were _given_ to us?"

There was a visible tremble in Kalen's mandibles now. Garrus caught himself hoping that Atrin's Shepard-like speech was truly _spirit-inspired_.

"Reena…" The primarch addressed the asari. "Maybe we should think this over. This whole thing. Give them a chance." He paused. "Like with humans." The final word sounded like it was going to choke him.

"Oh no," she hissed and turned to face him. "You're not going soft on me. Go out, make your speech, get them all riled up as planned."

Garrus and Atrin exchanged glances. Both of them had a dark, _told-you-so _type of satisfaction in their eyes.

"Reena, you don't tell me what to—"

"Damn you and your soft spots," Reena hissed, and grabbed Atrin before anyone had a chance to react. Garrus moved towards them, but Reena flashed a stick-like object and pointed it at Atrin's neck. "One more step and Dr. Ormelius loses her circuits." He froze in spot, and he heard the two geth gasp behind him.

"Elerta will hear about this," Kalen said darkly. "I didn't authorize adapting our weapons for turians to have them used on my daughter."

"She told me herself to put you in place if your soft spots get in the way," Reena replied, unfazed. "Now be a good boy and proceed with the plan."

The primarch went towards the stage, turning around once on the exit and trying to catch his daughter's gaze. She looked away.

"The rest of you stay put." Reena turned her attention back to them. "I don't want to hear a word, or see your eyes glowing more than usual."

Garrus clenched his fists and found himself looking up at the ceiling. _Naduz, are you watching? Teresa? Do something. _Right now he didn't see a way to get out of his on his own.


	13. A Unit's Soul

Chapter 13: A Unit's Soul

There was no divine answer. No lightnings or red beams from the sky (the lack of the latter seemed like a good thing, though). Garrus could feel the resonance of Naduz' mind still within him, which meant that he could see what was going on. There wasn't much he could do from up there, and Garrus realized he was indeed on his own.

The voice of Kalen Ormelius began to speak outside. It was muffled, and he couldn't make out what he was saying, but it made him look down and focus on the situation again.

Reena's eyes glowed more brightly as he watched her hold Atrin, but he didn't hear anything. Of course, there were more people involved than just her. She was still pointing The Eraser (Garrus realized he named the killing device in his mind this very moment) at Atrin, twirling it in her fingers slightly. He saw Atrin wince every time it got closer to her and tried to catch her wide-eyed, unfocused gaze, offering as much reassurance as he could.

The primarch's voice still droned. This time they could hear the audience making an angry, excited noise. The plan seemed to be working.

He _had_ to do something. If he gets on that stage, there was still hope. There were many marauders and turians who trusted him. Maybe he could undo whatever damage Ormelius did and convince them they don't have to fight each other. Maybe.

The pleading look Atrin just shot him convinced him even more, and reminded him of the slight problem he had to deal with first: freeing the scared turian doc from the clutches of the mean-looking asari bitch. He took a good look at the asari, trying to assess her capabilities.

Reena's eyes stopped glowing and a pleased smile appeared on her lips. There was something unnaturally cold about her, but Garrus couldn't really place it. The expression in her eyes, the devious curve of her lips, even the way how the circuits shifted on her dark blue skin showed cool competence and amusement.

She had to have biotics, Garrus thought. Judging by the way she moved, he was certain she was heavily modded. Who knows what kind of biotic powers she gained with it? Thinking about her mods left him with a chill down his spine. Was she a machine or an organic? Was that the reason she was so cold? Where did that leave him and his eye mod?

He glanced back at the two geth behind him. Hackie certainly looked scared, and Circuits had his arm draped around her in a protective manner. They showed as much personality as any organic he knew and by their appearance they were pure machines. It was their _soul _that made them what they are, not—

The noise outside turned into a roar, snapping Garrus back to reality and making him consider his options again. The stunner attack on his omni-tool probably wouldn't do much good, given the experience with the salarian on Hope. He would risk pouncing on Reena and wrestling her down, if not for The Eraser in her hand. He's been on the receiving end of it once, and the very thought of going through the agony again twisted his stomach into knots.

Still, he didn't know what else he could do. Maybe the armor Atrin gave him will protect him even against The Eraser. In any event it was going to be hard, because Reena kept her gaze at him all the time, obviously thinking he's the most dangerous among them. If only he could distract her in some way…

_"Don't hurt Dr. Ormelius or you'll have to deal with me!" _Naduz' booming voice, louder than anything he's ever heard from him before echoed through their heads at that moment. Did he _hear _his thoughts and was trying to help him? The timing was definitely amazing.

"What the fuck?! A Reaper?!" Reena hissed, surprised, looking around as if she could find the source of the voice. She switched to telepathy. _"What are you gonna do, zap me with a b—" _She didn't get to finish, because Garrus had already jumped on her.

Taking the advantage of her confusion, he grabbed her arm and twisted it with enough force to make her drop The Eraser. He could hear it rattling on the floor somewhere. Reena yelped in pain and her grip on Atrin weakened. Garrus used this to push the doc out of her grasp. Raising his clenched fist, he _hoped_ that the mods didn't make her immune to good, old-fashioned pounding.

He never got the chance to land that blow. Reena recovered from the surprise and pain, unleashing a biotic kick far stronger than any other he experienced in the past. It made him and Atrin fly across the room, although he took the brunt of it. Even though his glowing armor cushioned the blow a bit, he hit the tips of his fringe on the wall, and they were a weak spot. Sparks danced before his eyes and he groaned in pain, but he forced himself to ignore it and lunged forward.

Reena was ready for him, however and trapped him in a coon of biotic energy, much like a stasis field, only it was green.

Green. Her biotics were green. Like a Prothean's.

Garrus couldn't move or talk, only watch and listen. Reena retrieved The Eraser and moved towards him. He experienced a moment of pure terror. There he was again, trapped and helpless, at the mercy of the circuits-erasing technology. In another moment of slowed-down time, he observed everything around him with unnatural clarity: The roar of the crowd outside, Atrin clambering on her feet… and Circuits appearing from behind and knocking Reena to the ground.

Time seemingly resumed its normal speed as he continued to watch, still helpless. Reena still held The Eraser and Circuits did his best to pin her down and prevent her from using it. It was quite obvious he wasn't experienced in hand-to-hand fighting, and only the inherent strength of his robotic body kept the odds even.

Garrus needed to get in that fight. It didn't look like Circuits could last long.

_You can break it. _Something inside him spoke those words. _You can break the stasis field if you focus hard enough._

Garrus didn't know where this piece of divine insight came from, but he had no choice left. Reena nearly flipped Circuits over. He closed his eyes and focused on breaking free. He heard a thumping noise followed by Hackie's high-pitched scream. "_Circuits! No!"_ With great effort he blocked it out and kept focusing on imagining the field dissipating and him moving and…

… And he suddenly stumbled forward, gasping. The force of the sudden moment drove him to his knees. Knowing he had no time to lose, he quickly opened his eyes and what he saw made him jump to his feet.

Reena succeeded in flipping Circuits over and pinned him down. His struggles against her were ineffective. Reena was only prevented from using The Eraser on him by Hackie, who grabbed her wrist. She was just… holding it, obviously reluctant to hurt Reena. As Garrus watched, Reena's hand slipped out of Hackie's grasp.

_No._ Garrus rushed forward, but was too late. Reena touched Hackie with the killing stick, going through the armor Atrin gave them without effort. By the time he reached them, she has already collapsed to the floor, screaming.

"No." Garrus ground out this word as he grabbed Reena's wrist, who didn't expect him back in the game and was unprepared for it. He twisted her arm with much more force than before, pleased to hear the bones snap. Reena screamed and dropped The Eraser, but this time Garrus retrieved it before it could roll away. He touched Reena with it, but nothing happened. _Of course the blue bitches wouldn't adapt it for their circuits, _he thought bitterly as he threw away the stick and grabbed her off Circuits, tossing her on the floor and pinning her down. His hands gripped her throat. _Can your fancy mods save you from being deprived from air?_

Hackie's continued screams gave him extra strength, and Reena's ineffective clawing at his hands soon completely stopped. His eye-mod confirmed what he already knew: the asari bitch was dead. Only then did he release the grip.

For a second he was afraid she might pop up back to life, but in all the 22 years since the war no one ever came back from the dead. Well, except him, and that was the main reason why he's always been so hesitant to talk about it. What was so special about him?

Hackie was still screaming, and the sound of her agony hurt him more than expected. This was much worse than with Sirra. If Hackie didn't found out about Coesh and his experiments, he'd suffer the same fate she was going through. Seconds, _only seconds_, divided him from saving her.

Atrin knelt on the floor next to the fallen geth, with her omni-tool and other devices lit up. She was completely absorbed in her attempt to help Hackie. Circuits was in the same position on Hackie's other side. His flashlight was pointed straight at the spot where her circuits were disappearing.

"Hold on, Hackie. Atrin will fix you," Garrus said in a low voice and ran towards the stage. The roar among the crowd was dangerously close to a riot now. Was he too late here too? The fight with Reena seemed to have lasted forever, but it couldn't be that long, could it_?_

When he arrived to the stage, his worst fears were confirmed. The fights among the crowd had already broken out. Garrus spat out the worst turian curse he could think of and pushed the primarch away from the microphone.

"Atrin?" the primarch gasped. "Is she okay?"

Garrus nodded without as much as looking at him, and took a deep breath. The primarch breathed a sigh of relief. If he had time to spare, Garrus could almost feel sorry for how pathetic he was.

"People of Cipritine," he began, but the crowd ignored him. "People of Cipritine," he repeated louder, and was greeted with a salvo of boos when the crowd recognized who he was. "You don't have to f—" Several small items flew to the stage at this point, but Garrus ducked, still high on adrenaline from the fight with Reena.

"I'm afraid they're beyond saving," Ormelius said, and at least had the decency to look sorry about it.

"What have you done?" Garrus hissed.

"Found a way to call the marauders a blight on our society without saying it directly. Praised Shepard more than our old spirits." Ormelius looked away. "Slandered you real good, too. I'm afraid your name is now smeared."

"Oh, _fuck_ it!" Garrus growled. He was ready to spout some more curses, but was suddenly interrupted by Ormelius who grabbed him by the cowl.

"Listen," the primarch began, "there's a squad of asari commandos on the way to make sure everything goes smooth, modded more than Reena. I assume she's out of the picture?" Garrus nodded. The primarch winced, but continued without stopping. "You have to get out of_—_ get Atrin out of here." Ormelius reached into his pocket and offered a security card. "This activates my private skycar."

Garrus didn't move to take the card at first. "Why are you doing this?" he asked, his subharmonics thick with suspicion.

"I don't know what Atrin told you about me, but I care about her." The primarch looked away. "She's the only thing I have left from Nyla. I thought she was foolish and misguided… but the only real fool was me. Not to mention I thought _I_ was in charge of this together with Elerta."

Garrus took the card. Something about the primarch made him think he was honest. "So, Elerta is the one who's really in charge?" he asked.

"Apparently," Ormelius replied darkly. "She's in charge of a lab on Thessia where they improved the of stuff they discovered in SRI and Kellura. Atrin and Coesh were supposed to be my puppets. I thought Elerta and me were equals in this, but…" The primarch hung his head.

Garrus pocketed the card and hurried back to the backstage. "Take care of my daughter," he heard behind him. He didn't turn around or acknowledge it in any other way.

As he opened the door to the room he left his friends in, he realized that he hadn't heard screaming for a while. Even without his eye-mod telling him the cold, hard truth, he could see it was a bad sign.

Hackie lay on the floor where he last saw her, completely still. There was no shifting glow on her body and her flashlight was deactivated.

"No…" Garrus whispered. Even with all their advances, death was as grim and ruthless as ever. The only possible answers to it were grief and denial.

Atrin turned to look at him when she heard his voice. She said, her subharmonics sounding like she was about to cry. "It was too strong, too fast. Much faster than with you. I… I…"

"I know you did all you could." Garrus found his voice again. "We have to move, quickly. There's a squad of modded asari commandos on the way. Your father gave us a card to his private skycar."

"So he has a backbone, after all." Atrin chuckled but her subharmonics were never farther from a laugh. She stood up, ready to go. "Circuits?" she called, when the geth didn't move at all.

As he looked at him, Garrus realized the geth looked confused, like he didn't know what to do or feel. "She's… She's just deactivated, right?" Circuits finally spoke like he didn't hear anything about having to leave.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way anymore," Atrin said as gently as she could. "You're sentient individuals now, and synthesis made you really al—"

"No!" Circuits protested. "I'm taking her with us. _You have to reactivate her. _Or Naduz. Or anyone. I don't care._"_

He had no idea how to react to death, Garrus realized. Before their Reaper upgrades and the change, the geth could simply copy their programs onto another server and rebuild their platforms. Something inside him hurt even more as he watched the confused geth, who grabbed Hackie's platform… or body in his arms. Atrin shook her head sadly, but didn't stop him.

Garrus approached the dead asari and took her omni-tool bracelet and the killing stick. If they indeed came from the lab on Thessia, it would be interesting to examine them.

_"I suggest you board me." _Naduz suddenly spoke within their minds. _"The reintegration district… even Palaven isn't safe for you anymore, Garrus. Kalen Ormelius was quite successful in making you guilty for many unresolved issues."_

_"Where were you? Why didn't you help?" _Garrus accused although he knew he was being unfair.

_"I distracted the asari." _Naduz replied calmly. _"And who do you think gave you the hint about breaking out of the stasis field? Now move, or do you want to face an entire squad of commandos more powerful than Reena? Or do you want me to use my lasers?"_

_"Good point," _Garrus grumbled and started walking, deciding not to dwell on the _subtlety _of Naduz' hint. It reminded him of something he didn't want to think about, really. Atrin and Circuits followed.

They boarded the skycar in the last moment. Garrus took the piloting seat this time, Atrin sat next to him and Circuits with Hackie's body settled behind. As they took off the landing pad, the squad of commandos noticed it and fired at them. Thanks to Garrus' deftly maneuvering they reached Naduz who appeared above the reintegration district in one piece.

Once he was inside him, Garrus felt _safe_. It was certainly an improvement to how he felt only days ago. His attention soon turned to Circuits, though, who laid Hackie's body on the floor and resumed kneeling next to her.

"_Fix_ her," he hissed at Atrin.

"I can't…" Atrin barely whispered. "She's dead."

"We don't die. Geth don't die." Circuits hissed, his voice sounding angry.

"Synthesis made you alive," Atrin began to explain again, "and death is a natural part of lif—"

"Fuck synthesis!" Circuits yelled, cutting her off. "Without it we'd still be immortal."

Something tugged at Garrus' chest when he heard this. He knelt down next to the geth and laid a hand on his shoulder. "But it's what gave her life_. _Without it she'd be just a collection of programs, not your sister."

No one was more shocked at his words than him. Was he defending synthesis? The greatest shock was yet to come, however. Circuits _shivered_ and made a sobbing sound. Something… wet trickled down the side of his flashlight head. Were those… tears?

What was going on? First he messes with biotics, although he's never displayed a slightest tendency towards them in his entire life, then Circuits _cries… with tears? _Were they all closer to a true unity?

Garrus gripped the geth's shoulder tighter. "Knows-Many-Things told me when one's personality, one's soul is gone, it's gone. Anything else is just an illusion." The geth still didn't reply, but went on with quiet sobs. "Accepting it and moving on isn't easy, and the process to achieve it can be painful. It's called grieving and that's what you're experiencing right now."

Circuits downright growled and shook off Garrus' hand. "Oh, you're the right person to lecture about it, aren't you?" His voice was harsh, meant to wound. "You stare at empty space every time something even remotely reminds you of Shepard. Yeah right you moved on. The pain never goes away, does it?"

"Circuits!" Atrin gasped.

Garrus stood up slowly and turned to face the wall. He felt stabbed through the heart. This was his secret weakest point, and having it laid out so openly hurt him. If a geth could see it, then anyone could… anyone except him. How could he ever think he was doing good? How could he be so blind?

Garrus felt himself sink to his knees as a very old, nearly forgotten pain burst to the surface of his thoughts and cried like a turian, with subharmonics.

At least there were no real tears. That would really freak him out.


	14. Here and Now

Chapter 14: Here and Now

"No. Leave me," Garrus ground out when he heard Atrin's footsteps approaching. He felt like someone was choking him.

The footsteps stopped, but he could still feel her presence.

"Garrus—" she began, but he cut her off.

"Leave me. I've been through this before. It'll be over soon."

The footsteps retreated, reluctantly.

He didn't feel any kind of relief. The squeals in his subharmonics subsided, but the pain was still tearing him apart. Partly because he blamed himself for Hackie's death, but mostly because of the_ eternal question_, the reason why he was never able to let go. He knew what it was all this time, but refused to accept it. Right now it rang within his mind as clear as a bell: _Was I good enough for Shepard?_ And it wasn't only about his decisions after the war.

He's been always relying on her, he realized. He quit the C-Sec job he hated only after meeting her. She saved him from the self-destructive path of vengeance. She's been his guardian and guide, shaping his life to become the hero of his people. And how did he return that kindness? He shuddered.

When the Reapers finally came, she was stretched to the breaking point from all the requests for her help, always on the verge of burnout. And what was he doing to help her? Nothing. He kept arguing about "ruthless calculus" and doubted her every time she expressed the wish to see a peaceful and united galaxy. He got hurt running to the Crucible, forcing her to leave him behind. Although, he realized suddenly and the thought sickened him, if he _was_ up there with her he wouldn't be of much help. He'd argue again, trying to convince her to destroy the Reapers.

And not just the Reapers, at least from what he saw in her memories. He glanced behind him and noticed Circuits still kneeling and sobbing, with Atrin holding him and whispering words of comfort. It made him hurt even more, so he focused on Naduz' wall in front of him again.

_I failed you, Teresa. I'm so sorry_.

_"Is that what you think? Do you have any idea how much she loved you? I think not." _Naduz' voice echoed within his mind, startling him. Belatedly, Garrus became aware of the telepathy link and the fact that he sent the last thought through it.

_"What do you know about it, you flying squid?" _Garrus replied harshly, trying to cover up his embarrassment. This topic was always making him extra defensive.

_"I have her memories, remember?" _Naduz replied, ignoring his silly insult. _"Want to see just how much you meant to her? You can't go on like this."_

Garrus closed his eyes and remembered Aldina. She claimed she found out about their story from the Reaper memory banks. Was it just like with the Crucible and Teresa's decision there? Was the answer to the other unresolved question that plagued him for two decades hidden from him only because he didn't want to see it?

_"Yeah. Show me."_ Garrus sat on the floor and leaned on the wall, still keeping his eyes closed. It was time to face the very special ghost from his past.

This time it was different. He saw the flow of her memories in front of him like a river of images, but somehow knew it was in his power to stop, move or view it as he sees fit.

The only problem was, he didn't know where to start.

_"Good. You have much better control now. With my help you'll be able to sort the memories out." _Naduz' voice boomed, and it somehow sounded even more imposing now that he was within his mind. _"These are the memories that she considered important and that include you."_

A whole mess of images suddenly appeared more _there_, sticking out near the end of the line. The sheer number of them ought to prove how much she loved him, Garrus thought. Still, he wanted to see. He wanted to see that he wasn't a burden to her.

There were so many of them that he still didn't know where to begin. He was considering which one to view first when Naduz interrupted him. _"Before you dig in, you might want to see these. They're from before she met you, but important." _Two more images popped out, one closer to the beginning of the line, one in the middle. Garrus focused on the first one.

Again, he was able to see what she saw, hear what she thought, feel what she felt, but also keep control of what _he _thought and felt. It was unnerving at first, but soon he adapted to the duality created in his mind.

A well-doing farmstead at night. Home. But something is wrong. It's on fire, and there are weird multi-eyed non-humans running about.

_(The colony she was born on. Mindoir, was it? This must be the batarian raid when her parents died.)_

Panic. Blind panic. Running into the woods. Blame for not being able to help. But when the morning comes and the rescuers finally show up something is different. The blame is still there, but also a resolution not to let it happen again, to anyone else.

_(So that's why she always wanted to save everyone, even if it kills her.)_

The next memory had batarians again. And more batarians. A whole lot of batarians shot, incinerated and biotically tossed. But there was also memory of a fire at night and an old, dark hatred buried so deep it was almost imperceptible. When it's all over, there's no relief. Only more darkness and thirst for blood. Something snaps inside, realizing this is _wrong_.

_(The Skyllian Blitz. That's why she saved me from the path of hatred and vengeance. She knew where it leads – firsthand.)_

Garrus pulled back from the memory, finding himself in front of the timeline of images again. It was good he saw these, he realized. Now he understood her and her motivations much better. She was never quick to talk about Mindoir and the Skyllian Blitz, and now he even knew why.

There were many more memories to view. Garrus finally decided to start with the first one including him.

Going up the stairs. _Damn, more turians. And C-Sec, no less. Just what I need. The younger one shows promise, though._

_("Shows promise"? I was _the _best investigator on the Citadel. Way to make first impression, Vakarian.)_

The images went on. Garrus figured out how to speed them up, just like Naduz did earlier.

She likes talking to him. She feels safe when he covers her on the battlefield. She knows he'll fix any kind of damage she does to the Mako (this one made him chuckle). She feels his eyes on her behind nearly every time she goes to talk to Ashley (_Spirits help me. I thought I was smooth. It was mostly curiosity why she needs a cushion on her lower back, though.). _They are friends. They share. They bond. There's real regret when they part ways after the Saren chase. Her hand lingers in his when they shake them before leaving the _Normandy_.

_(Did it begin even then?)_

Cold. Dark. Muffled sounds. No air. Panic. Wild panic. Still no air.

_(No. Not that one. I can't—wait, is that _me_? She thought about me _then_?)_

Garrus pulled away from the memory again, gasping. It took him several moments to regain composure.

_(So it did begin then.)_

He shuddered at the dark gap in the otherwise endless stream of images, and focused on what came after.

No one trusts her, and she has trouble trusting others. But then he comes along, and doesn't break a sweat about _it_. He understands. He accepts. He is there for her, always in that battery. It's a relief, and she feels safe. At home again, after so many years.

_(I didn't know. I mean, I had some idea, but I didn't know it meant that much for her.)_

Time goes on. The mystery of the Collectors slowly unravels, there are twists and turns, but one constant remains: her day is brightened when the battery door closes behind her. She begins to realize _the truth_, but the opportunity never presents itself. There's something grim and dark about him, his mind is occupied with the death of his squad and she's afraid of his reaction. Once his mind is set at ease, she blurts out the sparring match invitation. Embarrassment burns brightly, but he says _why not?_ It works. It shouldn't, but it works.

_(Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Why haven't I said something earlier? Maybe we'd have a little more time.)_

The night they spend together messes things up for a while. She is confused at the amount of feelings she has for him and withdraws. There's no time for reconciliations, though. The Alpha Relay comes up and everything goes to hell.

_(I should have approached her first, but I felt the same as her. It wasn't just blowing off steam and I didn't know how to deal with it.)_

There's no real regret in his thoughts, though. For some reason his heart feels warm and full.

Days pass in house arrest. She pulls up his picture on the omni-tool sometimes and stares at it with longing. Then, the Reapers show up and things really go to hell, but she knows one thing for sure: _I'll do anything to find you_.

_(You found me. You saved me again. When I held your hand on Menae, I was the happiest turian in the galaxy.)_

The war and chaos go on, but there are still moments of peace to be had just for them.

They walk on the Citadel. Three fingers intertwined with five. Several humans give them dirty looks as they pass them by, but she's unfazed, even proud. _Let them watch. _

She sneaks up on him while he's absorbed in calibrating. They embrace. They kiss. He hoists her and sets her on the table in the corner. She wants him, _now._

_(Friendship, support and passion? It was love. Equal and shared. She loved me. She loved me.)_

It's real warmth and happiness he feels now. He is content and fulfilled, his mind at peace… except for one thing that remains unsolved.

When he brought the news of Teresa's death 22 years ago, Naduz said she threw herself in the beam of light not only to create a peaceful galaxy, but also to help him survive his terrible injuries. There was nothing like that showing up when he viewed the scene earlier, but he didn't finish it. He decided to bring it up again, and play it from the spot he stopped earlier, no matter how painful it could be to see her body disintegrate.

She drops the gun. Runs into the light. Sees him lying behind an overturned truck. He's broken, bloody and burned, unresponsive to her voice and touch. _(I shouldn't have survived. It's too much.) I'm so sorry, _she whispers and her vision goes blurry from the tears running down her face. She's… crying_._ She reaches the ledge and—

—and the mental link broke, leaving Garrus back in the real world again. He could feel the Reaper-formed bed under him, so he wasn't feeling uncomfortable, but something was wrong. His vision was blurry too. Rubbing eyes helped him, and he saw that Naduz formed walls around him too, just like before. His fingers, however, came away wet. As he looked at them, his vision went blurry again and he felt small drops running down his face.

He was… crying.

The shock of the new sensation was too much. In the next moment he fainted.

"Atrin! Come here, quick!" Naduz used his real voice to call the turian doc.

* * *

She wanted so hard to help him. At the same time she cursed herself for her stupidity.

_I was such an idiot, believing in all those stories._

Atrin sighed as she watched Garrus sleep. He hasn't been unconscious for some time now but still wouldn't wake up. His brainwaves showed lots of activity, so she assumed he's been having intense dreams. She decided to let him wake up on his own. After all he's been through, his thoughts needed sorting out.

_He is handsome_, she realized again as she watched the curve of his mandibles and the long elegance of his fringe. She also winced and buried her face in her hands. These kinds of thoughts were most useless, she concluded. It wasn't the real thing, either, just infatuation with the stories and vids she came in contact with over the years.

Even if it was more, even if she began to like the real turian behind the legend, there was no hope. Ever. He was buried under countless layers of pain and grief, not letting anyone close.

In stories, Atrin thought, heroes kill all the badguys, solve all problems and get to ride into the sunset with their love. In real life they have PTSD.

She saw him stare at empty space many times, struggling with spirits-know-what memory or flashback, determined not to show it to anyone, but he couldn't hide it from her. Every time she felt it tug to her chest, making her want to help him somehow. Nearly every time he'd shrug her off and added another brick to the wall between them.

It was useless, she concluded again. She should stop thinking about it right now. Still, he looked so vulnerable now when sleep removed the usual mask he had on that she couldn't control herself. Touching her forehead to his, she prayed to the spirits that he doesn't wake _now._

* * *

Garrus was back in the _Normandy_'s battery chamber, typing away at the console. Behind him, he heard the familiar hiss of the door and turned around to face Teresa. She stood in the doorway, wearing the casual clothes she usually wore during the war with the Reapers. Her face, however, was frowning. She looked angry. No, not angry, _displeased._

He moved to embrace her, but his arms passed right through her body. He backed away so abruptly he hit the console behind him.

"I'm dead, Garrus," she said, very serious and ver_y_ displeased. "You're not."

"I know," he said, feeling like someone's choking him again.

"Then why do you avoid looking at Atrin's fringe?" She asked, still in that serious tone. "Or refuse to admit you think about her waist and chest plates even to yourself?"

He looked away. It was true. Atrin was on his mind a lot more than he'd _ever_ admit. Even if under torture. "I… I can't do that," he replied finally. "You said you'll be looking down, watching over me. I can't look at another woman like that when I know you're looking at me."

"And what do I see? A sad, broken turian. That's not you, Garrus. That's not the turian I knew and loved."

The past tense on the last word stung_._ But it was true. Their love has been gone for two decades.

"What kind of cruel woman would I be," she continued, her expression melting, "if I tried to prevent you from a lifetime of happiness? I did this for you. All of this. Accept it. Move on. Remember us and the time we spent together, but don't let it burden you. Please. For me."

"I… I will," he said as the surroundings started to fade to black. "I promise."

The last words were spoken to the darkness around him. He closed his eyes and opened them to find himself touching foreheads with Atrin. Noticing his open eyes, she gasped and started to pull away.

Garrus wasn't sure what happened next. He only knew that Atrin was _here_ and _now _and made him feel the kind of fire he hadn't felt for decades_. _Reacting on it without thinking, he grabbed the plates on the back of her head and pulled her back down. Their mandibles interlocked, and she shyly caressed the inner side of his with the tips of hers.

It was different. Shepard would use her fingernails to stimulate him in a similar way, but this was different. Natural. He gave in into the sensation, not wanting to remember, to compare, to think.

He was free. Free. _Free._ The thought was exhilarating.

Breaking free of the mandible lock, he bit her neck. Hard. Without holding back. Unlike Shepard, Atrin didn't wince at all. It was an invitation on his part.

Atrin's talons found the sensitive spot under his fringe. It was a _yes_. He took off her lab coat and began to strip the shirt she wore underneath, looking forward to the release that would come soon.

She touched her mouth to his and pushed her tongue inside. It was wrong_. _It was what humans and asari did, not turians. He didn't want that. He wanted plain, old turian sex. He pushed her away, breaking the kiss.

"Atrin, you don't have to do that," he began to explain, but stopped when he saw the expression on her face. She looked… sad, lost. The chemistry, or whatever was formed between them was broken.

Standing up, she said: "I'll never be like her, I know. Just… Just forget it." She barely finished speaking before she was out of the Naduz-formed room.

Garrus sank on the bed, covering his mouth. Two decades of treating women like sexual objects took its toll. Not for a single moment while she was in this room did he consider what this might mean for _her_. He was only focused on himself and his desires. There was still enough of the nice guy left in him to make him feel miserable. What was he turning into?

He was also quite sure that this wasn't what Teresa wanted him to do when she told him to find happiness, either.


	15. Understanding

Chapter 15: Understanding

She was still buttoning the shirt up when she stormed out of the Reaper-formed room. Circuits was visibly more composed than when she left him, but Atrin couldn't bring herself to really care about it now. She was too busy being confused and pissed off at herself.

_Stupid._ Her fists clenched. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ The chant continued in her head. She couldn't tell which was worse, the way how he treated her like a piece of meat, or her surprise at how nothing could replace Shepard. _What were you thinking?!_

Maybe her father was right. Maybe she was too childish and naïve. Casual sex wasn't uncommon for turians. Maybe she should have just gone with the flow and let them continue. Her fingers traced the spot on her neck where he bit her, and she shivered slightly. Neck, and other places on their body where they had actual skin and not plates were sensitive for all turians, and Atrin was no exception. When she got bitten by the object of her infatuation on a very sensitive spot, it did… interesting things to her. Especially when said object proceeded to touch her chest plates, looking for sensitive spots between them, and pushing his talons—

Spirits help her. She couldn't stop thinking about it. Worse, they didn't even get to that part. He barely unbuttoned her shirt. What she said to him in the end echoed within her mind. If only _she_ could forget it.

She sighed, avoiding looking at Circuits. Staring at a messy bundle of wires inside Naduz suddenly became her favorite pastime; watching how they coiled and twisted around could maybe distract her enough to _forget about it_.

It wasn't working. Without her approval, her mind wandered back to Garrus. He looked so happy and without a worry when she caressed his mandibles. That was what she really wanted: to make him feel better. Permanently, not just give him a temporal release.

That was also, she realized, the reason why she was so upset at the way how he treated her: it was more than just casual sex for her. She didn't know how or why it happened, but it meant more for her. A lot more. She cared about him. She wanted to see him stop staring at empty space and smile more often.

_It's all useless. He'll never stop obsessing over Shepard, _she concluded with another heavy sigh.

There was only one small problem that bothered her about that conclusion, and that was his reaction to her human-like kiss. She did it because she thought it was something he'd like. It seemed obvious, given his relationship with Shepard. Still, he broke the kiss and pushed her away. Why would he do that? Didn't he want his women to be like Shepard if he couldn't forget about her?

_He's confused too, _it suddenly occurred to her. _Maybe—_

"Atrin?" Circuits interrupted her in her thought process. She didn't even notice him getting close to her. "Are you alright? You look upset." His flashlight scanned her up and down. "Your shirt is buttoned wrong. And where's your lab coat?"

She grumbled something incomprehensible as she rebuttoned the shirt. This was something she really didn't want to discuss with anyone else, especially a synthetic. "I, uh, I was j-just…" she stammered. Her mandibles clicked involuntarily.

"Forget I asked." Circuits shook his flashlight. "I didn't mean to upset you further. I still say wrong things sometimes when talking to organics."

"We can be hard to understand," she smiled, relieved. She was glad that Naduz was blissfully quiet.

"You could say so. I never understood your need for… burial rites, for example. I think I do now."

She took a good look at him, happy for the distraction. It was good he was moving and talking again, but something about his posture still screamed _grief_, even without facial expressions. It was her duty to help him. She still thought of herself as a doctor first and foremost, even after the change, and in nearly all cultures and races they vowed to help everyone and every time.

Even when they were hurt and confused themselves.

"It's a sign of evolution among organics," she said gently. "It is said that a lifeform had advanced to sentience when it started to care about its dead."

"We… didn't think about it that way." Circuits replied uncomfortably. "Even after the change."

"What do you do with your dead?"

"Repurpose their platforms. Usually into newly created geth, but also into other devices if necessary."

Was that her imagination, or did he just shudder?

"I don't want Hackie to be disassembled into parts," he continued quietly. "Or see another personality matrix in her."

"That's understandable," she nodded reassuringly. "You cared about her. She was your sister, not a device."

"But I don't know what to do!" he still looked confused. "We don't have any burial rites and traditions."

"Why don't you make them?"

His flashlight pointed straight at her face and he made a confused sound with his vocalizer.

"Our ancestors didn't have any traditions at first, too," she explained. "Somebody had to make them. Why don't you be that one for the geth, if you feel the need?"

He nodded, slowly. As she looked at him, he didn't look so defeated anymore. "I… will think about it," he replied finally. "I was thinking something's wrong with me when I think such thoughts, but now I believe I understand. It was inevitable. We're all getting more alike."

_If it doesn't all go to hell thanks to the Council races,_ she thought, but wouldn't say a word about it to him. She was pretty proud of herself that she made him feel better, and didn't want to spoil the triumph.

Somebody gently tapped her on the shoulder in that moment. She turned around and found herself face-to-face with Garrus. Barely holding in a gasp, she noticed he was holding out her coat like a peace offering.

"Your coat," he said simply. She took it. "I'm sorry," he added, with clear confusion and embarrassment in his eyes.

So he wasn't a total heartless bastard.

She nodded. "Let's… Let's just focus on stopping Elerta, shall we?"

He _was_ confused, now she was certain. He surely had emotional scars. It would be most foolish to expect anything now. She took her entangled, half-baked feelings, locked them up in a box and then threw it to the bottom of Palaven's deepest ocean. _It_, whatever it was, would have to wait.

* * *

The omni-tool beeped. Angrily. Garrus sighed and attempted to connect remotely again.

He was trying to hack into Reena's omni-tool to keep his mind from what just happened. The Eraser was beyond his abilities. It would have to be examined by _her _(he avoided to speak her name in his mind), if only he gathers enough courage to face her again.

He tried again, changing some more parameters. The omni-tool _she_ gave him was still freaking him out, because every time he executed a command he would feel something in his circuits.

Finally, he got root access. A small smile stretched his mandibles.

It didn't last for long. He was met with more security programs, and was nearly locked out. He was still in the game, though, and there were more commands at his disposal.

Garrus sighed again. Her chest plates looked so silvery and inviting under her shirt. Much prettier than he imagined. She had many cracks where the plates connected, just waiting for his talons to explore them. Not every single one was sensitive, but figuring out which ones _were_ was part of the fun.

_How do her subharmonics sound when they're heavy with pleasure? Is she a purring or a hissing type? … aiee!_

_"You have mistyped the command for the fifth time." _Naduz' voice echoed within his mind.

_"Would you stop doing that?"_ Garrus recovered from surprise soon enough. _"It gets me every time. Not to mention that creepy business with the stasis field. It reminded me of…"_ He trailed off, feeling his mind freeze at the thought.

_"You seemed to be… distracted," _Naduz replied. Luckily, he didn't comment on _what _made Garrus distracted. _"You wouldn't connect to me if I tried to do it normally, so I had to do it this way. As for the stasis field… I apologize if it reminded you of indoctrination. You were_ very_ distracted. If I didn't do it subtly, your mind would have rejected me."_

Garrus stared at the screen full of mistyped commands, but the only thing he saw was that backstage room and Reena. And Circuits. And Hackie.

_"Why didn't she twist her arm? Why?! She didn't have to break it. Just make her drop the stick."_ Garrus felt the squeals creeping into his subharmonics, but he could control them. With everything that's happened, he didn't even have time to mourn Hackie's death properly.

Naduz was silent for a while. _"She's never hurt anybody before in her_ _life," _he said finally._ "I could see her thoughts. When she finally realized that it's okay to hurt the bad asari… it was too late."_

_"Such a shame…" _Garrus barely whispered. _"We need more people like her in the galaxy… Or we'll fight each other forever. And it's my fault she's not here anymore! I was too late, not her!" _The subharmonics he was able to control, but not the new sensation. His vision was blurry again.

_"Again, this is not an easy change. For everyone included," _Naduz replied, his voice taking that gentle tone again. _"You can't achieve a perfect society in barely over two decades. Bad things are bound to happen."_

Garrus rubbed his eyes and focused on the omni-tool again, this time typing the correct command. It was the least he could do to not have Hackie die in vain: uncover more about Elerta and her plans. It was definitely better than blaming himself and crying_. _What was he turning into, a human girl?

_"Don't worry about getting emotional. It's what makes you alive," _Naduz continued. Garrus wondered for a moment if he was that obvious, or if the Reaper was reading his mind again. For some reason the latter option didn't bother him too much. It would often bring answers to questions he was afraid to ask even within his own mind. _"It's what made _us_ finally understand you."_

_"Our… emotions?" _Garrus asked, not really understanding.

_"Yes. We never understood why you cling to your short, seemingly insignificant lives so badly. Why you resist us so much when you have a chance to become an improved lifeform. It didn't make sense."_

_"And it does now?"_

_"We didn't know how much your… relationships mean to you," _Naduz said uncomfortably. _"They are still largely a mystery to us, but we now understand why… you wanted to keep your form so badly. When we realized how fragile, short-lived you were and yet you fought us with such bravery over the countless cycles, we decided to help you achieve the next stage of life… but in your own form."_

_"Then why does Harbinger still_ _act like a complete asshole?" _Garrus finally dared to ask the question that still bothered him, despite all the explanation given by Naduz.

_"Because he is one?"_ Naduz offered. _"Remember, we are individuals now. Just like not all organics are content with what happened, not all of us are either."_

_"But he won't… you know, do something about it?"_ Garrus felt his mental voice shiver as he spoke._ "Like us?"_

_"Doubtful," _Naduz replied with a reassuring boom in his voice. _"He's just… old, hard to adapt and thinks that mocking organics is fun. You know, he's _the_ oldest one, created millions of years ago."_

_"What does old age have to do with it?"_

_"A lot. When you're as old as he is, you forget the concept of time." _Naduz explained. _"I don't think he's able to understand your way of existence properly, even with all that's happened. I am, however, the youngest one. I still remember time. That's why I decided to help you out directly. Actively."_

_"And look at how that turned out," _Garrus replied bitterly, still working on the omni-tool. He was getting really good in multitasking with telepathy. He almost shut all the security measures down.

_"The organics are, with their short lives, more likely to do something rash than us. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but I must admit that I wasn't glad to be used like that." _Naduz' echo got a hurt sound to it. Garrus almost couldn't believe his mental ears. _"That's why I'm helping you now."_

_"Here's an idea: why don't you claim leadership?" _Now Garrus really couldn't believe his mental ears. Did he say that? _"I bet that with you in charge many organics will trust the Reapers more readily."_ Oh well, it looked like he really got warmed up to the under-the-same-roof idea.

_"I must say I haven't thought of that," _Naduz admitted. _"He's been our leader for so long that we didn't know anything else. I think the younger ones among us will support me immediately… and the rest, well, they aren't of much use anyways. Like your asari, they pretty much withdrew to themselves."_

Garrus let out a short yell of triumph. He was finally through the systems.

_"Sweet spirits," _he muttered as he glanced over the files, _"they haven't just withdrawn to themselves. They're batshit crazy. Well, at least Elerta's followers are."_

_"What is it?" _

_"They got _way_ overboard with the whole embrace-the-Protheans shit," _Garrus explained. _"That speech Hackie found was nothing compared to this. They're modding themselves to be more like them, and they're accepting their way of life a little too much. Emotions are useless, efficiency is everything, blah blah blah."_

Although he was trying to keep the nonchalant tone, Garrus still felt a chill down the spine. Did synthesis turn the easy-going, fun-loving asari into _this?_ How the hell was that possible if everything Naduz just said about understanding each other was true? Elerta's followers weren't interested in understanding. They were interested in dominance over other races.

Naduz had a reply ready, however. _"See, that's why it's important to keep your emotions. If you don't, you turn into what Protheans became – exactly what they fought against."_

Naduz was turning into a real smartass, Garrus thought. But a smartass that was, unfortunately, usually right.

_"There's much more, but it's the biotech stuff I have no idea about,"_ Garrus continued and took a deep breath. _"I have to show it to _her._"_

_"What's the problem?"_ Naduz asked, and his tone changed just a little, but enough for Garrus to catch it. It almost sounded… mocking.

Garrus' gaze fell on Atrin's coat on the floor where it ended up after he took it off her. He moved to pick it up. _"Nothing," _he replied.

Suddenly, it occurred to him that the shame he felt meant there was still hope for him. The nice guy Garrus wasn't gone for good. Also, another thing crossed his mind. _"So… When someone connects to you to access your memories, can they see, uh, everything?"_

_"No. Some memories are private. Only those involved in them are allowed access," _Naduz replied, his voice sounding really mocking now. _"So don't worry, the fact that Shepard swallowed and survived remains between you two."_

Garrus froze in motion, mortified. That was one of the most horrifying moments of his life: the thought that she's going to die thanks to him. He really didn't want to be reminded of it.

_"Forgive me," _Naduz added quickly, seeing his reaction. _"That was a joke. Not a very good one, it seems."_

Garrus then laughed. _"Now you remind me of EDI back on the_ Normandy," he said.

_"I picked up the concept of a joke from her,"_ Naduz replied. _"She talks to us often. I'm proud to say that I'm the first Reaper who ever attempted it."_

Still chuckling to himself, Garrus went to face Atrin. For some reason, the last exchange with Naduz bolstered him a lot. It was amazing, he thought, what a little laugh could do to you.

He approached her as casually as he could and offered the coat. He even apologized. She took both, suggesting they leave anything that's happened behind and focus on Elerta. It sounded like a reasonable thing to do, and he agreed immediately.

Then he showed her the killing stick and the biotech files, saying that she's the only one who can figure this out. She smiled – really smiled, it reached her eyes – and proceeded to show it to Circuits.

Garrus watched her work with the geth, her eyes shining and the smile still present on her mandibles. For some reason his heart was warm, just like it was when he watched the memories of Shepard.


	16. Conference Call

Chapter 16: Conference Call

Hackie's body still lay on the floor of the Reaper where he last saw it. However, Garrus noted, something was different. It was… neatly arranged, with its arms crossed over its chest.

_Did Atrin do this? Or Circuits? _Something inside him still wouldn't accept the possibility that a geth would care about a deactivated platform so much, but Circuits' behavior so far indicated that he, indeed, cared that much and more.

Besides, Garrus reminded himself, Hackie wasn't deactivated. She was dead. Thanks to him. No. Thanks to Reena. He did what he could.

He walked over to her body and crouched next to it. There was nothing what would really distinguish her body from any other dead geth, but to him she was _Hackie, Circuits' sister, who saved his life. _Touching one side of her flashlight, he murmured an old turian prayer for the dead. If there was something waiting for them all after death, Hackie deserved the best. Again, he was doing what he could.

Rising to his feet, he made a decision. He will call his father right now. The lives of the organics were short and frail enough, even with all the benefits brought by synthesis. His father was getting—no, he _was _old. There wasn't that much time left for reconciliations. He glanced at Atrin and Circuits, and noticed they were still busy with the files and the killing device. This was as good time as any.

There was no answer. He tried calling Solana again, with same result.

His mandibles trembled. He felt rejected, alone.

_It doesn't have to be this way, _something inside him spoke. He will go to the nursing home his father was in (he didn't blame Solana in the slightest for putting him there after popping out _her fifth damn egg_) right after he gets out of this mess. He will make amends, because what happened at his mother's grave was as much his fault as his father's. Their relations were never good, and he had let his own confused feelings for Shepard, twisted by grief, to control him for far too long. He will make the first move, no matter how humiliating it felt. His father will see the light, and Sol will follow.

He did care, and he will show it to them.

His gaze fell on Atrin, who was focused on her omni-tool's display, so he allowed himself to stare at her for several moments. Compared to her father issues, his were insignificant. _Thanks, _he muttered under his breath, although he wasn't sure what he was thanking her for. Most likely for the new perspective she gave him.

As he watched, he noticed her getting more and more upset. The Eraser trembled in her hand as she examined it. Finally she spoke, to no one in particular. "This… this thing is an abomination. _My_ _work_, used like this!" She suddenly became aware of Garrus being behind her. She turned at him and hissed. "It's perfectly adapted to destroy the circuits of any existing race, no matter if it's organic, synthetic or converted except for the tentacle-heads." Her eyes were burning with green fury.

Garrus suddenly swallowed hard. He caught himself wondering what color her eyes were before the change. They were still pretty, though, especially with that fiery glow.

"So they've got the energy. Any ideas on how they plan to use it?" It came out weird, even to his own ears. Atrin's eyes were making him feel awkward.

"Atrin was right earlier," Circuits replied, "they are indeed using my project. Or at least trying to. They are stumped like we were."

"But… If they somehow make it possible," Atrin added darkly, "the converted and geth are done for." Circuits winced at this. "I'm not sure how they plan to get away with this, but I guess instigating conflicts to put blame on those they plan to wipe out could work. We saw what happened on Palaven."

"And then what…?" Garrus asked. "What about the Reapers? Coesh didn't seem to like the krogan or batarians either. What about them? Or the Council races? Not everyone can fall for that crap."

"I wish I knew," Atrin said. "I'm quite sure Elerta could answer that."

"I've taken the liberty to take us to Thessia." The voice coming from the ceiling shook them all. Naduz' talent to butt in conversations was showing itself in its full glory again. "With what's happened, it seems like a logical place to go to."

Thessia. Garrus suddenly remembered he was supposed to make another call. And another one, too.

He took a deep breath. "Let's see if the Shadow Broker could dig up something. Also, Emperor Urdnot Wrex will be interested in hearing about this. He doesn't like when someone threatens his people."

"You know _the_ Shadow Broker?" Atrin asked, with that look of awe in her eyes he didn't really like. He nodded. "Wow," she gasped.

"Send me their channel info and I'll make a… how do you call it? A conference call?" _The voice from above_ was heard again, this time sounding a little uncertain.

"Yeah, a conference call," Garrus said as he transferred the required data to Naduz.

Two holographic displays soon formed in front of Garrus and the others. One displayed the image of a burly krogan in a ceremonial robe, the other of a young-looking asari in a business outfit.

_"Garrus? Is that you?" _Liara spoke first, sounding almost scared. _"The call came from a… from a…"_

"From a Reaper. Yeah."

"An asari?!" Circuits spoke at the same time when Garrus did. "Can we really trust her?"

"Yeah," Garrus said again. He felt like he was in the position of a diplomat again, and didn't like it one bit. "She's been with me on the _Normandy_. She was also one of Shepard's closest friends."

"Liara T'Soni…" Atrin said thoughtfully, her mandibles twitching. Circuits shrugged and returned his attention to the omni-tool. "I recognize her from the vids. So she's the Shadow Broker?" Atrin continued.

"Yeah," Garrus said for the third time. He was about to continue, but was interrupted by Wrex's rumbling baritone.

_"Hey Naduz,"_ he said, and if Garrus' eyes didn't deceive him, he smiled. "_Vishnar says hello. The cities on Hope are coming along nicely thanks to his command." _Wrex's attention turned to him. _"Garrus. Glad to see you're in one piece. I was really worried when you disappeared shortly after checking in on Hope."_

"Glad to hear it." Naduz' disembodied voice somehow unsettled Garrus more than usual in this situation. It was just wrong to talk to someone who's actually a giant dreadnought you're sitting in. "It's nice to see one of the older ones to contribute to the galactic society, instead of hiding on the dark side of one moon or another."

The familiarity between Naduz and Wrex was also unsettling. They were the only ones, it seemed, who weren't feeling awkward about this conversation. He barely remembered to nod at Wrex to show appreciation for his concern.

Garrus cleared his throat and fired up his omni-tool, transferring the files he got from Reena's omni-tool. "I think you'll both be interested in this," he said. "Also, have you found anything through your network, Liara?"

_"I found that I'm ashamed of my race,"_ she replied immediately. _"Elerta and her cult took over nearly all other matriarchs. I almost can't believe it. I have to admit I was focusing on the converted and… and the Reapers as the possible… sources of trouble. But the matriarchs? I never saw it coming."_

"Tell me about it," Garrus narrowed his eyes. "The big part of my concern for the marauders was coming from my fear theywould start something if we provoke them too much." He took a deep breath. "I certainly didn't expect what happened after I stepped down." He shuddered. "How _is _the situation on Palaven, anyways?"

_"After the initial unrest was… quelled," _Liara began, and Garrus didn't want to ask what she really meant by _quelling_, _"surprisingly, the situation didn't escalate as much as it seemed at first. It seems like there's a geth – a female geth – responsible for calming it down. She succeeded in convincing many marauders they've been tricked into fighting each other and the turians."_

"Knows-Many-Things…" Atrin whispered. "It has to be her. Spirits, I hope it doesn't kill her. Those commandos looked like they meant it." She shook her head muttering to herself. "She saw it… she saw something's wrong with the Institute when I… when I…" The rest was lost under her breath.

_"Hah!" _Wrex exclaimed in mocking triumph. _"They didn't even get that far with me. Some salarians tried to make their _visit of goodwill_ on Hope too, but were promptly kicked back to Sur'Kesh by Grunt. Nothing good ever came from them."_

"'Kicked back'?" Garrus asked, feeling alarmed. "Don't tell me you…"

_"A figure of speech, Garrus." _Wrex waved his hand dismissively._ "He told them to get lost or they will get their asses kicked back to Sur'Kesh."_

Garrus chuckled, despite the seriousness of the situation. So the dumb krogan saw it coming.

_"So Elerta and her followers aren't as smart and powerful as they think they are," _Liara continued. She looked less distressed.

Atrin nodded. "They failed at their riots, or at least weren't as successful as they hoped. They can't figure out the communication devices left by _the_ _old ones_. They thought they can still control the Reapers, although they aren't the mindless tools that they were before the change."

_"They're running out of options," _Liara added. _"That gives us more time."_

"From what I know of organics," Naduz suddenly boomed, "they pull some surprising moves when desperate. I don't think we should writ—."

"Are you sure?" Garrus suddenly found himself cutting the reaper off. "Naduz, are you _sure_ you can't be controlled? It was thought to be impossible before the war, and yet the Illusive Man succeeded at it."

"It worked on our… minions only," Naduz replied. "To control us he needed the energy from the Crucible. Still, it doesn't matter anymore. It wouldn't work now even if someone builds another one. And that's highly unlikely."

"So what do you think they'll do when they figure out they can't control you? If they haven't already."

"I'm guessing they plan on killing us with the rest."

"Can they do that?" Garrus raised his brow plates, surprised.

"Yes." Naduz' boom was significantly reduced as he spoke. "We are as dependant on our changed DNA and circuits that come with it as you. Remove them and we are… _I'm_… dead."

Garrus couldn't tell if hearing a Reaper being uneasy about its death was comforting or terrifying as hell. After a moment of pondering, he settled for the former. Maybe Naduz really wasn't talking crap when he said they understood the organic perspective now.

"Naduz is right," Circuits spoke, finally lifting his head from the omni-tool's display. "I just found a message Reena received mentioning a failed attempt to control the Reapers."

"How much of a failure it was?" Garrus asked.

"The message doesn't say, just that it didn't work," Circuits replied. "I can't tell who sent it either, the data was erased, but it's signed with initials in human script. I believe they translate to ML."

"Let me see," Garrus demanded. He was no expert on human script by any means, but he knew the basics. Mostly as another hobby to take his mind off the primarch duties, but all it really did was torture him further, fueling his grief.

Circuits obliged and put his arm in front of Garrus' face.

"Yeah, those are M and L, alright," Garrus muttered thoughtfully.

His head suddenly snapped back and he inhaled sharply, causing Circuits to quickly withdraw his hand. Garrus didn't care. Focusing his gaze on Liara, he gasped: "No way."

Liara figured what he was getting at, and her reaction was pretty much the same. _"Y-you don't mean…?"_ she stammered.

He shrugged. "I mean that those initials match someone we know. Someone who might be interested in the perfection mantra coming from Elerta's followers."

_"But… but she wouldn't… She was against Cerberus in the end, and they preached similar ideals… Don't forget she hated her father who gave her the_ _perfection_._"_ Liara looked horrified at what Garrus suggested.

"What are you two talking about?" Atrin cut in, sounding frustrated.

Garrus didn't know how to answer. Maybe his assumption was far-fetched, but his trusty detective gut feeling was trying to tell him otherwise. Still, accusing a former crew member just felt wrong_._

_"They're talking about Miranda Lawson," _Wrex didn't have such reservations, it seemed. Well, Miranda wasn't with him on the _Normandy_ anyways. _"A Cerberus agent with perfect genes sent by the Illusive Man to monitor the progress of the _Normandy_ during the Collector mission. She had a change of heart later, though, and a sincere one by the looks of it. Still, I can imagine her falling for the crap Elerta preaches."_

Garrus, again, found himself chuckling. That was Miranda Lawson's life in a nutshell, almost in the exact words as he would put it. For all her supposed low self-esteem due to designed genes, he never really noticed her minding them. Especially when they would give her an edge in fight or allow her to charm her way out.

"So," Circuits stated in his merciless, synthetic logic, "that gives us the human part of the conspiracy. Also, more answers, I hope."

_"Let's… let's not jump to conclusions," _Liara warned, her forehead becoming all wrinkled. _"How about we ask her?"_

"But she dropped out of the grid after the war," Garrus said. "I have no idea how to reach her."

"I'm the Shadow Broker, remember?" Liara grinned. The creases on her forehead slightly flattened. "I think I have working channel info somewhere."

"Give it to Naduz." Garrus demanded.

Several soft beeps chimed through the connection, followed by a tense pause. Finally, another holographic screen popped into view, displaying Miranda's confused face.

_"Garrus? Liara? Wrex?"_ she recited the names, and Garrus was glad to see the _perfect Cerberus cheerleader_ confused. He wasn't in the mood for pleasantries, so he simply transferred the files on Elerta's activities to her, followed by the message to Reena, supposedly written by her.

"Well?" he asked, in his best _C-Sec officer_ voice. "Does this look familiar?"

It was strangely satisfying to see the perfect cheerleader's facial expression change in a split second. Worry and regret were practically stamped across her face now. Garrus' mandibles stretched in a tiny triumphant smile. The accusation hit home.

_"You have to understand," _she began, and her voice was far from the smug confidence it usually radiated, _"it was right after the war. I was afraid that the Reapers were planning something. So I took… I took my father's research. I hoped we could use it against them if they tried something."_

"You took your _father's_ research?" Garrus almost couldn't believe his ears. He glared at her angrily. "After all you said against him?"

She hung her head. As she did so, Garrus felt his mandibles twitch involuntarily. Was she really that different from him? Didn't he accuse the Reapers when this whole mess began, too? Could he really blame her for doing something similar?

"But it didn't work, did it?" Naduz boomed suddenly, making Garrus flinch. "It couldn't. We don't work that way anymore."

Miranda's eyes went wide. _"Is that a… a…?"_ She couldn't finish the sentence.

Garrus nodded. "And a friendly one, too. He doesn't like when his tissue is used to kill innocents, though."

_"I didn't know their true agenda, I swear." _Miranda recovered from the initial shock a little. _"Matriarch Elerta somehow found out about that old project and asked me about it through Reena T'Jennith. I had to disappoint them and say it never worked and it never will. They did tell me they're interested in keeping the Council races on top, and well, it didn't look that bad to me."_

Garrus frowned.

_"Oh, come on," _Miranda tightened her lips in a straight line. _"We are the cornerstones of the galactic society and we dese—"_

"We don't deserve anything!" Garrus cut her off. "We're dysfunctional and paranoid, and screw up things given the first opportunity."

_"I'm not so sure about that," _Miranda shook her head,_ "but that doesn't mean I agree with genocide. I'm guess you're planning on stopping them?"_

Garrus nodded.

_"I… don't support what they're trying to do. Really."_ She took a deep breath. _"When I think I nearly helped them… God!"_

"Really, Lawson?" He clicked his mandibles. "Not attracted to the idea of perfection at all?"

_"I had no idea they were embracing the Protheans and their culture. My genes and what synthesis gave me are quite enough for me, thank you."_

For some reason, this made him believe she had no clue what she nearly got dragged into. Again, he relied on his trusty gut feeling.

"Alright, Lawson," he said, clicking his mandibles again. "Let's say I believe you. You can go."

Miranda closed the channel. Wrex chuckled. "Still playing C-Sec officer, Garrus?"

Garrus shrugged. "Once an officer, always an officer. You can't get it out of you no matter how hard you try. Also, it's far better than playing diplomat for you all."

"So," Atrin said, ignoring the exchange between Garrus and Wrex, "this wasn't as productive as we had hoped. I guess that leaves us with Elerta herself. Any clue on how to find her?"

"Your father only said she has a lab on Thessia," Garrus replied.

_"I believe I can extrapolate its location from my findings and the data you just sent me," _Liara said. _"Just give me a few moments…"_

She was really fast. Garrus didn't even have time to ask himself how long it will take before she declared: _"Got it! It's in a remote location on Thessia, far away from any settlements."_

"That's a good thing," the voice from the ceiling boomed, "no one will be upset by my lasers this time. I'm sure those pesky commandos won't expect a huge dreadnought Reaper swooping down on them."

Garrus chuckled, noting Naduz getting better at jokes, but inwardly he was glad he won't have to face those commandos alone. His trusty gut feeling told him Atrin won't like if he asks her to adapt the Eraser for the asari circuits, and going hand-to-hand again with someone like Reena or tougher didn't sound fun at all.

They all talked a bit more, but soon both Liara and Wrex excused themselves. Naduz was quiet, Circuits resumed his tending to Hackie's body and Atrin…

Atrin sat in the same spot where she did throughout the entire conference call, looking lost in thought. There was something… painful in the glow of her eyes now.

Struggling with hesitation, Garrus finally decided to approach her. He held her shoulder, very lightly, ready to withdraw his hand immediately.

Atrin wasn't looking at him. "I should have seen it coming…" She whispered to the empty space around her.

"Hey, none of us saw it…" Garrus reduced his voice to a whisper too. "Except Wrex. He guessed the salarian involvement early on. We all… thought the threat would come from… another source."

"But that's it!" Atrin hissed, still not looking at him. "You at least expected some kind of threat. I was convinced everything works magically. I'm really a naïve id—"

Garrus gripped her shoulder tightly. "Don't say that. If there were more people like you in the first place, we wouldn't need to stop crazy asari matriarchs. We need you. I need—I needed to see there's another way, and you showed me that. Don't crumble now."

At this she finally met his gaze, her eyes shining with gratefulness. Her hand reached up and touched his, giving it a gentle squeeze. For some reason he didn't jump back, scared of the closeness. He squeezed back.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I'm not really sure if baby turians come out of eggs, but given their reptilian/avian look it looked logical to me.**


	17. Forgotten Voices

Chapter 17: Forgotten Voices

He was so close to her. She relished the feeling of his hand on her shoulder, their intertwined fingers and the feel of his breaths on her plates. It took real effort on her part to not to give in completely and lean into him.

_You touched him. He didn't run away. It's a start. Don't ruin it now._

In his eyes there was gentleness and understanding, confirming his words. It's what gave her true hope. Weren't all sound relationships based on understanding and trust? He certainly trusted her; his actions lately spoke louder than words, and they understood each other much better too.

Atrin had to hold in a smile when she suddenly remembered the last year's anniversary, and how goddamn foolish she was. Most of the time she was glad that some of the turian traditions, like arranged marriage, for example, were getting outdated, but when she was introduced to the _Surviving Hero of the Crucible_… she was praying to all the spirits she knew for him to say _yes._

The scene appeared before her eyes clearly. She was so giddy and barely able to hold in her excitement and he was (she could admit this to herself now) polite, but completely uninterested and looking for a way to excuse himself at the earliest opportunity. Which was exactly what he did a few minutes later. She couldn't take her eyes off him, though. Her gaze followed him through the rest of the evening, and she couldn't help but notice him digging deeply into the host's supply of brandy. Clearly intoxicated, he left as soon as he could without coming off as rude. She spent the rest of the night wondering if it was something she—

"Shepard would've liked you," he spoke suddenly, shaking her out of her reverie. She winced, and looked into his eyes, her mandibles wide in surprise. He was never quick to talk about Shepard in front of her before. "She never wanted to be a soldier, either."

"She… she didn't?" Atrin asked, her eyes going wide in disbelief. She was glad, however, to notice that his eyes looked calm and his mandibles were soft and relaxed. It was like he spoke about a casual, everyday topic.

"Humans aren't required to go through training and service like we are," Garrus explained. "She was from a farming family, living a simple life. She didn't even know she's a biotic. What she really wanted to do was to live in a big city and become a tech expert. She was," he chuckled slightly, "quite a dreamer."

Atrin's mandibles fluttered. To not have to go through what was her least favorite part of life sounded so… awesome.

"Then, the batarian raid happened," Garrus continued. "Her parents were killed, but she survived…" He paused and looked away. "She wasn't at home when it happened. She was, in fact, returning late from a night on the town with her friends. When she saw the fires, she panicked and ran away in the woods."

There was another pause, and this time his mandibles did grow stiff.

"She never told me any of this herself, though." His voice sounded… guilty.

Atrin tilted her head up at the ceiling with a quizzical look in her eyes.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "From what I've seen in her memories, I think… I think she believed I'd think less of her if I knew she wasn't always… what she was."

"And would you?"

"Honestly? Before the change I probably would, with our culture being what it is. I'd rather cut my tongue off than tell her, though. I guess I'd end up writing it off to human weirdness, and leave it at that."

"And now?"

"Now… Now's different." He looked her in the eyes again. "I started to realize that we don't have to go through the endless cycle of violence and misery we've been forced to for millions of years. We are free. Finally."

Yet another pause. There was something else in his eyes now, something she could only hope for until now.

"_You_ helped me with that. Thank you." The subharmonics in his voice were full of awe.

"_Me?" _she croaked, her voice much higher than usual. He was… in awe of her? She turned her head to the side bashfully.

Garrus cupped her face, with their fingers still intertwined, turning it gently towards him again. "Yeah, you," he said with lot of emotion. The other hand moved from her shoulder and wrapped around her. He didn't pull her closer, though.

She just stared at him in disbelief. Was this really happening?

"What I really wanted to tell you is that your choices make you what you are. Especially the hard ones." He swallowed hard and actually pulled her closer. "Shepard had to make a lot of hard choices, but they were all right. Even the final one. They made her into what she was, and what she is today." His mandibles were soft again. "The same is for you. You had to make a lot of difficult choices, too, just in different areas. And they were all right. Don't be ashamed of who you are, be proud."

At this, Atrin did lean into his touch, closing her eyes. His words were touching the secret, painful place in her soul that tortured her often, accusing her of being a disgrace to her kind.

"Garrus…" she breathed out his name on the verge of crying. The words weren't just touching that place, they were healing it.

"I care about you, Atrin." Her eyes flew open at this and saw that, indeed, his eyes held what she hoped for. Her free hand reached for the plates on the back of his head, pulling him close enough to make their foreheads touch.

"Do you want a room formed around you?" The booming, ever-helpful voice above them rang out, startling them both, and making them look up and jump away from each other. In the next moment, they both laughed.

"Did I do something wrong?" Naduz asked, sounding really hurt.

"Nah," Garrus replied, his subharmonics chuckling a little more than she expected. "You're just a synthetic being a synthetic. No harm done." He turned to her. "I meant what I just said. Really."

"I know," she replied, feeling her heart soar.

At the very same moment, she realized something and felt her blood freeze and heart sink. Tough choices. Yes, she had made them already, but there was one waiting for her right now_. _The most difficult one _ever_. At least for her.

"What's wrong?" Garrus asked, noticing her sudden discomfort.

She didn't reply at first. Before they get to the nice, shiny, bright future he pictured earlier, there will be need for… unpleasant things. It was a reality that she didn't like, but couldn't run away from it. "Where's Reena's killing stick? It needs to be _modified." _Her mandibles went stiff as she spoke.

Garrus nodded in understanding, his eyes suddenly darkening slightly. He said nothing, though, just motioned at the spot where she had left it. She moved to pick it up, feeling the same grim determination she felt when she decided to confront her father. Only this time, it was a much grimmer and… colder feeling than before.

It shouldn't prove difficult. It was based on her work. She knew the circuitry signature for every species in existence like the back of her hand. The only problem was, what she was about to do was going to bring her a lot of sleepless nights. It didn't matter if it would be Garrus using the device, not her. It would be her doing.

Atrin sighed. _They are dangerous. They need to be stopped. Maybe we'll reach a non-violent galaxy one day, but for now dreaming won't help. Do what needs to be done._ All of it was true. The tiny voice in her head was right. She'll do what it said.

The omni-tool wasn't of much help here. The other, mentally controlled ones were however, and she looked forward to using them. Her work was her sanctuary, and a good way to keep her mind occupied. No, a literal way to keep her mind occupied. She activated the device and plugged her mind into it eagerly, connecting to the killing device again.

The asari circuits laid in front of her in their entirety. She began applying them to the device carefully, with the precision and skill she had honed for years. It went without a hitch, and her mind was blissfully occupied. Her subconscious was, however, working full time. In the artificial clarity, created by the absence of the rational mind, Atrin suddenly realized something, and it nearly made her lose the focus.

There was a race still alive that could carry their mental voice over large distances. And they were all but forgotten, not making their song heard in the two decades after the war. Were they the key to understand the ancient telepathic spheres?

* * *

Garrus stared at Atrin working on The Eraser. He couldn't wrap his brain about what just happened.

He started telling the story about Shepard to comfort Atrin and somehow ended up with admitting that he cared for her. And it was true. Everything he said was true. He was finally able to admit it to himself.

Was it really so easy? After two decades of grief eating away at him silently, was _this_ all that was needed? He concluded that it was, indeed, that easy.

There was life different from he knew, other qualities than good aim and being solid under fire. It was his own damn fault for not realizing it sooner.

Still, he couldn't really bring himself to be angry right now. He was feeling calm and happy and didn't want to ruin it. There was no need to build a wall of sarcasm around him. Even the fact they were going to confront a crazy asari matriarch with many followers and spirits know how many toys and tricks at her disposal couldn't disturb him. He had something, or someone to care about. He was whole again.

Her head bobbed slightly as she worked on the device. She looked completely absorbed in the process, and Garrus supposed it was mentally controlled. He looked at the tips of her fringe like before, but now allowing himself to fully appreciate the view. There was no guilt. No hopping ponytails appearing in his head to reprimand him. He was free.

Her eyes flew open, and he saw excitement and worry as he fixed his gaze on them. She waved The Eraser in the air half-heartedly. "It's all done, but…"

"What?"

"… Rachni. We haven't heard from them for so long, I forgot about them." There was embarrassment in her subharmonics now. He didn't quite get the connection between their problem and their spider _friends,_ though, and ended up just staring at her.

"They can communicate telepathically over large distances once they form a bond with the queen," Atrin explained. "See where I'm going?"

"Oh," Garrus muttered. "Dammit."

"Yeah," she said. "If only we could contact them somehow. Maybe we could finally crack those telepathic devices."

"Oh," he muttered again. There was more accusation in his voice, directed at himself.

"What?" she mimicked his earlier question. He didn't know she could be like that.

In the early days after the war, he received a very special telepathic message. Still being unaware of the new abilities everyone gained, Garrus was inclined to class it as an indoctrination attempt and forget about it. Which he nearly did, he realized on reflection. The message, however, was different than any he experienced until then and yet familiar. It used colors, smells and tastes to describe totally wrong things, but he was able to get the gist of it. It said that "they" were leaving to rebuild again, but they won't forget Shepard. If the rest of the galaxy needs to contact them, "the companion of Shepard" (Garrus assumed this referred to him) should go to the Home system and call out.

If he was to be honest with himself, he knew it was from the rachni even then. He never truly trusted them, though. When it was about them, Shepard actually had to use her commander authority over him and make him fall in line. With all the trouble on his mind after the war, it just seemed easier to write the message off as a random synthesis weirdness and carry on.

Just another thing he did wrong, he realized again. But he will do whatever he can now_._

"Naduz," he began, "change your course to the Ninmah Cluster, Maskim Xul system." That's where the rachni homeworld was a long time ago_._

"But they aren't on Suen anymore," Atrin protested, realizing where this is going. "Nobody knows where they went to after the Reaper War."

"We don't know either," Naduz spoke. "They didn't want to talk to us, although we tried to establish contact. They were afraid we'd indoctrinate them like during the Rachni Wars and make them go at you again. But it wasn't our doing even then."

"Who w—" Garrus began, and then the realization hit him. "The old ones, right?"

"Yes," Naduz replied. "We aren't sure on their motives, but _I_ believe they were afraid of what you're trying to find out right now."

"That's why it's important to get to Maskim Xul," Garrus asserted. "Trust me."

He then proceeded to tell them what he just remembered. Atrin nodded with understanding. "Their way of communicating is strange, to say the least. It's no wonder you were confused."

"Yeah," Garrus shrugged and chuckled. "I'm not looking forward to discuss the sour yellow notes of whatever. But we need to find out about those devices. It's going to give us a great advantage against Elerta, to know something she doesn't."

"And also…" Atrin began, but seemingly bit on her tongue. She averted her eyes suddenly, and he didn't press the issue.

"What's going on?" Circuits suddenly approached them, interrupting his vigil, or whatever he was doing for Hackie. "I just felt Naduz turn."

Atrin took upon herself to explain what just happened. He was glad he didn't have to and sat down on the floor, closing his eyes. Something told him that talking to the rachni is going to be taxing on his telepathic abilities, despite the recent improvement he experienced. At least he had several hours to prepare.


	18. Revelation

Chapter 18: Revelation

The floor under Garrus buckled and shifted as he sat with his eyes closed. He could only assume that Naduz was forming some sort of chair around him again. This time it didn't disturb him in the slightest, in fact, he welcomed it. He leaned back into it and did his best to relax.

It didn't last long. Someone approached him, and by the sound of metal hitting metal as the person walked, Garrus assumed it was Circuits. Bright green light flashed through his eyelids, making them snap open. Circuits was next to him, crouched, with his flashlight plates spread wide.

"I'd like to apologize." The geth paused, his flashlight slightly flickering. It was, however, still pointed straight at Garrus' face. "For what I said after… after Hackie's death," Circuits continued. "I don't know what happened, but I couldn't control my words."

Garrus knew the feeling very well. The talk at his mother's grave threatened to play in his head again, but he blocked it out. He wasn't going to let those feelings control him anymore.

Noticing that the chair Naduz formed looked more like a couch this time, he motioned at Circuits to sit next to him. The geth obliged.

"No need to apologize," Garrus replied. "It's what happens when you grieve. I should know it best."

"So is that it?" The geth's vocalizer rang with despair. "Am I going to feel pain whenever I remember my sister for the rest of my life?"

"You never forget the person that died, that's true." The words came out weird, even to Garrus' ears. He swallowed hard. "And having the memories resurface can be painful. Another thing I know very well. But you have to face it."

"Face it?" Circuits repeated. The plates around his flashlight face closed again. "Why would I want to feel the pain all the time?"

"Because the alternative is becoming like me," Garrus replied quickly. "I couldn't—_wouldn't_ face the pain anymore, and instead convinced myself that all is okay, that I'm over it. But I wasn't. Far from it." He turned to face the geth directly. "It eats away at you, slowly but surely and leaves you empty. It's worse than direct pain."

The geth was silent, turning the flashlight away from Garrus. Was that a sniffle he heard?

"It's not always as bad as now, though." Garrus' subharmonics were gentle as he gripped Circuits' shoulder. "It's still fresh. Give yourself time. It will never go away completely, but it will be much easier to bear."

Circuits sniffled again, but nodded at the same time. "It's just so… new. The emotions. They are so alien to me. And I'm a child-geth, supposed to be better at it. The old-geth get so confused when they feel things, they end up denying it."

Garrus had no idea how to reply to that. Until a few days ago he had no idea about geth having children, let alone the differences between the born and created geth. He was saved by Atrin, who was listening in on the conversation.

"Not all emotions are bad." A tiny smile stretched her mandibles. "It's often said that if we didn't know the pain from the bad ones, we'd never appreciate the joy from the good ones."

Circuits gave a small shrug and made a confused sound with his vocalizer.

"That's why you need to focus on the good ones," Atrin continued. "Think about good things about Hackie, about why you loved her."

"Loved?" Circuits repeated. "The question is, did I love her?"

Atrin blinked, at a loss for words for the moment.

"Of course you did," Garrus cut in resolutely. "Anyone could tell she was dear to you from the way you behaved. It's a normal thing to feel for your sister."

He loved Sol and no amount of crap she gives him would change that. He could only hope that one day she'll see it, too.

"Believe it or not," Circuits begun reluctantly, "but this 'love' feeling is alien to me, too. But I guess it's a good one." His flashlight turned to face Garrus and Atrin again. "I'll get used to it in time."

Atrin moved closer to Garrus, but stopped short of touching him. "How are you?" she asked. Her eyes and subharmonics held a promise of something gentle and comforting, inviting him to give into it.

"I'll… I'll leave you two, uh, alone." Circuits abruptly rose from the couch and disappeared from view in the corridors of Naduz before any of them could stop him.

Atrin chuckled and sat on the couch next to Garrus, where Circuits was a moment ago. "You think he knows?" she asked.

"He knew before any of us did," Garrus chuckled too. "Remember when he 'caught' you giving me the eye mod? And he says he's bad at figuring out emotions."

She outright laughed at this. "I was trying _so hard_ not to touch your mandibles then, but mine have life on their own, I swear. It felt so embarrassing when Circuits mentioned 'making out'."

"Back on the _Normandy_ EDI, the ship's AI, was… hmm, how should I put this? Way curious about Shepard and me and our intimacy." He paused and looked at Atrin seriously. "You think that's why all synthetics do it? Keep observing the sexual habits of organics, because it's something so strange and alien to them they can't comprehend it at all?"

"Possible." Atrin clicked her mandibles. "I never thought about it. Then again, I never had an AI _observe_ me like that." She laid her hand on top of his casually. "But really, how are you? You look like you're expecting something bad to happen when we get to the rachni system."

There was that feeling of comfort radiating from her again, and Garrus felt compelled to intertwine their fingers.

"Do you know how they actually talk to… to us?" Garrus asked, squeezing her hand harder at the memory. She shook her head. "They take control of a dead body and use it like a puppet." She winced and shuddered. "Will they take over me, too? I can't say I like the idea."

"Maybe they had to do it because we weren't telepathic back then?" Atrin suggested. "I bet they'll just connect to you mentally."

"I still don't like the idea," he snorted. A little more fear than he liked escaped through his subharmonics.

Suddenly, he found himself drawn in an embrace. She didn't say anything, just held him close. After a long moment of struggle with himself, Garrus gave in and laid his head on the crook of her shoulder.

It's been so long since someone held him like this. Too long. He almost forgot how good it felt. His arms wrapped around her, moving on their own. "Thanks… for being here," he murmured into her cowl.

He remained like that all the way to Maskim Xul, glad that her presence chased the rachni away from his mind.

* * *

Naduz had announced their arrival to the rachni system a little while ago. Garrus was still in Atrin's arms, although her closeness couldn't stop worries from popping up anymore. Straightening, he sighed and wriggled out of her arms.

Atrin searched for his eyes but said nothing. He shrugged. "I still don't know what to do. They just said 'get to the home system and call out'."

"Reach for them telepathically?" Atrin suggested.

"I don't know how!" he admitted. "I've never tried connecting like this! It's always been a known target and close to me."

"Want me to try?" the voice above boomed.

"Nah," Garrus replied, looking up. "They said 'the companion of Shepard' should make the call."

"You can do it," Atrin reassured him. "I know you can."

"Here goes nothing…" he sighed and closed his eyes.

_You can do it, Vakarian. You _embraced eternity _many times in the past 22 years. Reach outward, beyond the boundaries of your physical body, join your mind with the Universe… any more lines I picked up from the asari whores?_

Garrus ran out of ideas for his inner pep talk, so he put words into action. Focusing hard, he let his mind outgrow his body and spread into the great void between the stars.

_"Hello? Anyone there?" _he tried.

Something pulled on his mind out of the dark void and into the light. Surprised, he opened his eyes… but the light didn't disappear. He could still make out the corridor inside Naduz where his physical body was, but it swam and spun around him, making him dizzy. The last thing he saw before the light overwhelmed him completely was Atrin getting on her knees in front of him, boring into his eyes.

_"Greetings, companion of Shepard." _A voice spoke from the light. _"We knew you would find us."_

The light died down a little and he could make out the image of the rachni queen in front of him.

"What did you do to me? Where are Atrin and the others?"

"You are in a high space where children of the song talk." The queen's voice, her real voice, was indeed melodic. Every word it said was like a tiny melody on its own, in harmony with others, creating a symphony of sounds. "Your kind can finally reach it, so we do not have to sing through the ending ones anymore."

So Atrin was right.

The light around him was reduced even more. There were many objects fluttering around him, he noticed now, in all shapes and colors he could imagine and they shifted and changed as he looked at them. The more he kept his focus, the more he was convinced they were all emitting the same symphony of sounds he heard from the queen.

He looked around in fear, feeling out of breath and fighting the urge to close his eyes and block it all out.

"Listen, companion of Shepard," the queen spoke again, "listen to our song. Do not be afraid of it."

He did as the queen said. The longer he listened, the greater calm he felt. He decided to give in, and accept what was happening. Soon he was able to breathe normally again.

"Good, companion of Shepard," the queen said, and somehow the tiny melodies in her words sounded pleased. It wasn't that different from picking up someone's emotions from their subharmonics. "We can talk now."

"My name is Garrus," he spoke suddenly, finding his voice again.

"Forgive us. We know your kind uses names, but we do not. They are strange to us."

He wanted to say that no apology was necessary, but the queen interrupted him.

"You said there are others with you, _Garrus?_" The queen made a point of using his name. "In harmony with you and against those who seek to end the unity of metal and flesh?"

"So you know why I'm here?" He felt relief washing over him. There was no need for long explanations.

"We have withdrawn, but we listen," the queen replied. "We know. If there are others with you, we wish to bring them here."

"Why?"

"To see and hear," she replied simply, not elaborating it further.

He nodded. He didn't really know why, but he nodded.

"We will call them through you. Do not be afraid; you will not be harmed."

Before he could say or do anything he felt the queen reaching through his mind. He was just a conduit now. Soon, three more presences popped up next to him: Atrin, Circuits and Naduz.

The queen's influence ended, but he couldn't block out the uneasy feeling he got while she was calling his friends. Worse, he soon became aware that he's connected to them, too, and just like with rachni and their colored songs it took some time to get used to their presence in his mind.

Just as he started to accept the situation, a new sensation hit him. He could feel the voices… minds, of what he thought were geth building their consensus, and… and… was the humming sound in the background coming from the Reapers? Somehow, he was quite certain it was.

He was about to lose it, and he somehow knew the others felt the same – even Naduz – when the song of the queen calmed them. "Block it out. Focus on here and now." Her advice worked, and soon the billions of voices murmuring and humming were reduced to something resembling city noise coming through the window. Always there, but barely noticeable.

"Whoa…" Atrin gasped. "I never… whoa…"

Garrus cut her off and spoke to the queen. "We're all here, as you requested. Can you help us now?"

"The leader of the end-seekers," the queen began, "the queen of the all-she race… how do you call her?"

"Matriarch Elerta?" Atrin suggested.

"Yes. Her." The queen paused. "She wishes to speak like the swimming ones, but could not do it so far."

"She means our masters," Naduz boomed. "They lived on an oceanic planet, deep under the surface."

"Yes," the queen confirmed. "The swimming ones sing like us."

"You use something like their telepathic spheres, too?" Atrin asked.

"No," the queen replied. "The ability is built into every child of the song with its creation. But we understand how they sing, and that is what you wish to know, yes?"

"Yeah," Garrus confirmed. "To know what Elerta doesn't will give us a great advantage against her."

"She does not know… yet," the queen said, the melody of her voice turning ominous. "But she studies those who came before you, wants to be like them. And they used devices that could transfer voices – thoughts – across the dark void, too."

"But the Prothean beacons were all destroyed," Atrin stated. "How can they help her?"

"The 'beacons' were destroyed, but the knowledge of them is still written in the archives of those who came before," the queen explained. "The all-she queen has access to that knowledge. She studies it. And she has the devices of the swimming ones."

"That means we have to hurry," Circuits said, being the most practical among them. "How do we stop her?"

"Wait!" Garrus interrupted. "How do you know all this?"

"Like we said, we have gone far away, but we listen and we hear a lot. But we sing only to those who are worthy. The end-seekers are not worthy. You need not be afraid of where our loyalty is."

That promptly shut Garrus up. He wasn't known as a trusting person, and with a reason, but it didn't get him anywhere so far. _The queen broke free of indoctrination back then, _he told himself, _she is trustworthy. Accept it already!_

"The devices of the swimming ones require the right mind to use them. Like the beacons of those that… of the Protheans. I can give you the right mind."

"Like the Prothean cipher Shepard received?" Garrus felt his eyes going wide.

"I see," Atrin muttered at the same time. "Elerta is looking for a way to modify herself to be able to control the spheres using the knowledge of the Protheans. And is close to it, if we believe our friend here."

"Correct," the queen replied, obviously meaning both of them. "I will give you the right mind now."

It wasn't painful. It wasn't mind-shattering. Still, Garrus felt a foreign presence inside him, touching the most secret part of his mind and felt… scared. He was glad it was over soon.

"One more song," the queen added. "A very important one. The end-seeker queen has the device from the watery planet, one that controls all others. Seize it. Use it well. Do not let the unity of metal and flesh fail. It is how it was meant to be all this time. The swimming ones turned us against your kind to prevent us all from reaching it. They are gone now. Be better than them. Show that your kind is worthy of the gift it received."

As she finished speaking, the light around them increased again.

When it subsided, they were back in reality. Garrus was never so glad to see the interior of a Reaper as now. He was also glad not to hear the chorus of billion voices somewhere in the back of his head, too.

Atrin looked at him, with awe shining from her eyes. "That was… magnificent!" she exclaimed, her mandibles flaring up.

Magnificent? That wasn't the word he would use to describe what just happened to him. Overwhelming? Yes. Quite scary? Oh, yes. But magnificent? Hell no. Especially not with the "sphere-cipher" they received in the end.

* * *

He certainly didn't share her enthusiasm, she realized. Ever since they finished talking to the queen, he was dead serious and all wrapped up in talk with Naduz and Circuits about their assault on Elerta's base. If she heard it correctly, they just mentioned _lasers_. By the spirits! Lasers.

Feeling left out, Atrin sighed. There was something here they all missed, but to her it was as clear as Trebia at its brightest. The trip into the consciousness of the rachni, or whatever it was, revealed it to her. Was she the only one who saw it? It didn't have to be like it always was this time.

Cocking her head to one side, she pondered if she should mention anything to Garrus. No, she decided. He hasn't been accepting of the idea so far. She'd have to wait for a better opportunity.

She could only hope it wouldn't be too late until she gathers enough courage to say it.


	19. Arrival

Chapter 19: Arrival

The office in her lab was getting too small for her. Elerta stood up from the chair covered in expensive leather and paced from wall to wall. She hated waiting, especially with so much at stake.

She was so close. The knowledge of the Protheans and the old ones was at her fingertips. Soon, the galaxy will be cleansed of the undeserving rabble and those who were so wrongfully pushed aside will regain control again. A smile stretched her lips. Her race will rule the galaxy as it should have always been. Only this time, they'll do it properly. No more making nice, shaking asses to please others and sneaking in the shadows. The Protheans had shown her the way of dealing with those who disagree, and Elerta was more than ready to follow it.

Stopping in the middle of the room, she re-arranged her scalp and smoothed the front of her robe. It was already fitting for a leader of her people, for an empress (she liked the former much better). Now all that was left to do was to claim that position.

At this point in her thoughts Elerta sighed and frowned. It was supposed to be easy, but the plan wasn't proceeding as well as she had hoped. There were still too many who supported that cursed idealist Shepard and her ideas of peace and unity. Unlike most of the galaxy, Elerta had no love for the famous human commander. In her eyes, she was the main reason for the asari losing their place in the galaxy.

Elerta resumed her pacing and shook her head slightly. She was ready to extend an open hand to other Council races, let them have some autonomy under their rule. The only condition was to accept her ideas. And for a while, it worked rather well. Her own reputation and power gained her support among the matriarchs. The salarians agreed rather quickly. The turians were a problem with the old primarch (she didn't even attempt to approach him, given his history), but the new one nodded in agreement to everything she said after Reena T'Jennith batted her eyelashes several times. As for humans… they were as unpredictable as always, but she didn't mind including them, too, if they behaved.

The governments agreed, Elerta thought bitterly, but the ordinary people didn't follow as quickly as they were expected to. What got into them? How could they even _consider_ living together with the converted, or the various savages left over from the war? The ignorance of the masses will always be beyond her, no matter how many centuries she had under her belt.

The ripples caused by the recent events on Palaven made her even more worried. Not only it failed to achieve its primary purpose, but made people more sensitive to the rabble she was trying to get rid of. Worse, the people around the galaxy were now at least partially aware of her intentions and, judging by their reactions, didn't like it one bit. Turians, humans, even some of the salarians and her own race were rising their voices, demanding protection for the _innocents,_ as they called them.

Fools. She knew how to deal with them. The open hand was now closed.

It was all Vakarian's fault, she concluded venomously. The day he stepped down was the happiest day of her life, because the long-awaiting plan could finally start. But then he stuck his mandibles in her affairs, and Ormelius and his subordinates failed to remove that threat. Instead, Ormelius' daughter ended up with Vakarian, and together with some damn geth from the Institute (another great idea that ended up biting her in the ass) they screwed up her operation on Palaven. Elerta made a mental note to personally test one of the slower killing devices on that geth from Palaven who spread the word about her intentions. The population was helping it hide, but her commandos were thorough. It could feel pain now, couldn't it? She smiled at the thought.

Ormelius. That name crossed her mind again, and the smile was wiped out from her face. Cursed be the day when she entrusted anything to him. His soft spots for his race and his precious daughter nearly ruined everything. At least her commandos were bringing him here for a _chat_. Something they managed to do.

Her pacing brought her to her desk and she slammed her fist against it, causing the telepathic device left on top of it to roll. With a quick, practiced motion, Elerta stopped it from falling off and grinned. When she connected to it today, it changed its glow and hum. Her mind was adapting to it. She was close.

Sitting down at her desk, she decided to try connecting again, even if the throbbing in the back of her head from the last attempt didn't disappear completely. The only thing that stopped her was the tingling feeling of a telepathic connection. She opened her mind to it, wondering if it was about Ormelius or that loudmouthed (loudvocalized?) geth.

The well-known echo of her assistant's voice rang through her head. _"Lady Elerta, Kalen Ormelius is here as you requested."_ A sadistic smile appeared on her lips. This should be good.

_"Let him in," _she replied, quite sure that her smile reflected in her mental voice.

In a few moments, a silver-plated turian was pushed through the door, but something was wrong. His posture wasn't what she expected. Instead of the meek, servile turian she knew, he walked towards her confidently. His eyes were burning with green fury, she noted. That was another thing she didn't expect from him. Everyone knew that Kalen Ormelius didn't have a backbone.

The fiery orbs locked with hers and his mandibles flared up. "What we're—what you're doing is wrong," he spoke first, surprising her again.

"Don't fool yourself," she retorted coolly, "you're into this as well." She might as well humor him and give him a discussion before punishing him properly for going soft.

"I was_,_" he put emphasis on the past tense. "Not anymore." He straightened, his eyes never leaving hers. "Believe it or not, but I can think for myself."

"Now that's a surprise," she smirked. His mandibles fluttered slightly, but his eyes remained steady in their fire. "Really, I didn't think that threatening your daughter would upset you so much. You ever saw eye to eye with her anyways."

"Just shows how much you know about me." He was remarkably calm, Elerta noted. What happened to him? "Atrin opened my eyes," he continued. "Can't you see? We're repeating the cycle. Destroying what we can't control or are afraid of. Only this time it's _us_ doing the extermination, not the Reapers. They were at least tools, without free will. What's our excuse?"

Elerta cocked her head to one side. "You fell under that peace and unity crap so easily? I thought you hate humans, for starters. Not to mention the converted. Or the krogan."

"I was wrong!" he yelled. "Unlike you, I can admit that." She opened her mouth to say something, but he held up a hand, cutting her off. "I'm not trying to convince you," he spoke calmly again. "I know you've gone mad from the fear of losing power. I want to warn you."

"Am I supposed to be afraid of you?" she chuckled. "You're in my hands."

"Not me," he replied seriously. "Vakarian is looking for you. He's a determined turian, and he's teamed up with a Reaper, among others. I wouldn't suggest messing with him."

"Teamed up with _a Reaper?!"_ Elerta shrieked, temporarily kicked out of her orbit. She didn't miss a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes, but couldn't afford to react on it now. "How on Thessia did he manage to do that? Not me or Lawson or anybody else could control them."

"Because he isn't controlling him," Kalen smiled triumphantly. "Naduz joined him of his free will. They are individuals now, like us. They can't be controlled like that anymore."

"How the hell do you know that?" She stared at him incredulously.

"Simple." The triumphant smile deepened. "I managed to speak to one before your lackeys grabbed me. Following my daughter's advice. It was quite an enlightening conversation… after the first discomfort."

"That… that can't be true." Elerta's hands balled into fists, refusing to give in, to believe. It just couldn't be true. "They are not like us. The converted are not like us. We are different and should n—"

A deafening sound drowned out her words. It inspired dread. It hasn't been heard on Thessia for twenty-two years. Something cold ran down her spine.

"See?" Kalen Ormelius yelled over the brass orchestra from hell that rang above her base again. "They've arrived."

* * *

"Are you nuts?" Atrin approached Garrus and glared at him."You can't do that." She had tuned out for the most of the talk about assaulting Elerta's hideout, trying to figure out the information that the rachni queen had loaded into her head. It was absorbing, but what Garrus just mentioned got her full attention.

He glared back with indignation. She refused to relent. This was not going to happen, even if it screws up their budding relationship, or whatever was happening between them.

"Why not?" he asked finally. "The rachni queen said that the telepathic device Elerta has controls the others. If we destroy it, we'll be sure no one can use them like her ever again."

"Oh, I see." Atrin crossed her arms over her chest, and let her subharmonics ring as bitter as possible. "So if you don't understand something, or are – spirits forbid – afraid of it, you should just destroy it? Is that it?" After all that's happened, this was still his preferred method of problem solving? She almost couldn't believe it.

"I don't see the problem," Circuits butted in. Atrin suddenly remembered him rooting to get rid of Coesh, and Garrus nodding approvingly. Of course they'd support each other in this. "We blow up the nutcase asari's lair, and take her and her device out with it. With Naduz it should be easy."

"Don't you want to know what made her continue the cycle of pain we've been slaves to for millions of years?" Atrin straightened and flared up her mandibles, her arms still crossed over her chest. "Wouldn't it be interesting to know that if we want to prevent this from happening ever again? We could look for signs early, not let it come to this. Besides," she swallowed hard, "the queen didn't give us the knowledge to use the device for nothing, that's for sure. Dou you really want to squander it?"

Garrus looked away when she began to speak. Still, she caught that weird emptiness in his eyes that would appear every time he remembered Shepard, and not in a good way. He recovered soon, though. When he looked her in the eyes again, there was understanding and resolve in them. "What do you suggest then?" he asked quietly. "How should we use it?"

It was now her turn to look away. There was no way he was going to like her suggestion. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but the words refused to come through.

"Wait." He took a sharp breath suddenly. "Y-you can't possibly m-mean…"

So she was right about him not liking the idea. From what she could see, he was terrified of it. She'll give him credit for catching on, though.

"Why not?" She mimicked his tone from before. "Don't you see that's how it's meant to be? The queen told us so herself!"

"You think _that's_ what she meant when she told us that?" Garrus' mandibles flapped in disbelief.

"Of course!" Atrin raised her voice, trying to sound more convincing. "Why would she invite us to their collective, if not to experience it firsthand? She wanted to show us how beautiful it is!"

"Beautiful? That's not the word I'd—" Garrus began, but was cut off by Circuits.

"What are you two talking about?"

Atrin took a deep breath. "Connecting us all in a permanent telepathic link. Like your consensus, but spanning across the galaxy, and involving every sentient being affected by synthesis."

There it was, she said it finally. She felt relief.

"Oh." The geth twitched his flashlight plates as he pondered this. "That would be a perfect end to my project." Atrin felt a tingle of satisfaction.

Garrus stared at him and gaped. He didn't expect a vote against him coming from Circuits. "You… you approve?" he asked finally.

"Of course." The geth shrugged. "I just never thought I'd see an organic suggesting it. You value the confines of your body too much."

"It's called individuality, Circuits," Garrus frowned at the geth. "What happens to me, to my self, if I'm also connected to every other being in the galaxy?"

"I am connected to other geth in this very moment," Circuits replied, "and yet I am an individual. It's not something that can be explained, only experienced."

"Remember the rachni collective? The other presences we felt?" Atrin reminded. "We could block it out after a while. I guess it could work for our telepathic union, too."

"What about freedom of choice?" Garrus still wouldn't give up arguing. "Do we have the right to impose such a big change on everyone?"

"Did Shepard ask for anyone's permission back at the Crucible?" The booming voice above them shook them all. Garrus, Atrin noted, look especially distressed. He clenched his jaw and tightened the mandibles close to it. "Sometimes it's necessary to make a decision for others."

The silence was the only answer he got.

"In fact, that was your first free choice in several million years," Naduz continued. "Before that you were free to discover our relays. You were free to hate each other and synthetics you create. And finally, you were free to get harvested by us. What you have now sounds like an improvement to me."

Atrin couldn't agree more. She was glad to see Garrus' mandibles relax. Was he seeing the light?

"And you could have so much more," Naduz boomed confidently from above. "You could become like our old masters, maybe even more. What Atrin suggests is a step in the right direction. You'd keep your diversity, and yet act in unison."

Atrin couldn't help but beam with pride at this. She knew this was the right decision, she could feel it.

"Like I said before, we want to see you ascend," Naduz continued after yet another pause. "I've just contacted the rest of my kin and they support the telepathic link."

"We've just reached consensus, too," Circuits piped up and pointed his flashlight at Garrus. "We would be glad to welcome you to it through the link."

Garrus visibly deflated. He was now outvoted by several billions to one. "Very well," he ground out finally. "Don't destroy the ball. But you will punch a hole in their defenses, right, Naduz?"

"Of course," he reassured. "This isn't likely to be done without casualties."

Atrin knew this was true. That's why she modified the killing stick for the asari circuits in the first place. Still she didn't like it.

Garrus suddenly turned to her. "We might need to kill Elerta, no matter what you say."

"I know," she confirmed. "If she's beyond help, that might be the only way."

She still didn't like it.

* * *

This was crazy. This was totally and absolutely crazy. And yet he agreed with it.

But she was right about Elerta. Atrin was absolutely right. He wanted to kill Saren right away when he joined up with Teresa for the first time, and she asked him the same question Atrin did. _"Don't you want to know what made him betray the Council?"_ Same here. It would be useful to know what motivated Elerta.

The other thing… The other thing was scaring him. Terrifying, even. Still, maybe she was right about it, too. Living on like nothing has ever changed obviously wasn't working anymore, and yet he clung to it desperately. It was a mistake, he could admit it to himself now.

They've all been closer to each other ever since Teresa did what she did. There was no point in denying that. His tears, Circuits' grieving for his sister, EDI's love for Joker and a myriad of other tiny things he refused to see until now were proof enough. This… telepathic unity could be the right way to go, after all.

Garrus sighed and shot a glance at Atrin. She looked terrified, too, and he felt a tugging in his chest. Being a trained killer for many years, he couldn't really understand what she went through to modify The Eraser for the asari circuits, but looking at her now he had a clue. Somehow, it made him admire her even more. She made the right choice, he told himself. He'll do his best to honor it and use The Eraser only when absolutely necessary. He cared for her, and didn't want to screw up whatever was forming between them.

"We're in Thessia's orbit," Naduz boomed from above. "Searching for Elerta's base based on the info from your asari friend."

Garrus approached Atrin and locked gazes with her, hoping to give some encouragement. Suddenly, hecaught himself thinking how being linked to her in a permanent state of embracing eternity wouldn't be such a bad idea at all. It sounded totally crazy, but the same time… pleasant. Still, it made him quickly avert his eyes, and hope he wasn't too obvious.

They all felt the familiar queasiness as Naduz descended through the atmosphere and the fake gravity inside him switched over to the natural one from Thessia.

"We're above the base," the Reaper informed. "I'll let them know they have a Reaper to deal with. Maybe it will scare them enough to make the job easier for us."

The familiar sound that accompanied the Reapers echoed within the hallways as they all stood in stunned silence. Even after two decades it was still giving him the creeps, Garrus realized.

The sound rang out again. Anyone below could now tell they've arrived.


	20. Change

Chapter 20: Change

Looking up at the ceiling, Elerta forced herself to unclench her fists. This place survived the original war with the Reapers, she tried to reassure herself, so how could a single—

The complex shook to the core, interrupting her thoughts. Was that an explosion she heard? With an unpleasant lick of fear she quickly subdued, she realized that the reason this place had been left intact during the war was its secrecy. It was a top-secret facility used by an old matriarch who met her demise while trying to organize resistance in Armali. The Reapers simply didn't get to it before their invasion was stopp—

Another explosion shook the walls. Ormelius shifted his weight, but said nothing. His face was unreadable, even for a turian. There was something in his eyes, though, that made her feeling unsettled. They were still on fire, but not from the fury anymore. Despite the glow, they were… dark. He was resigning himself to his fate, she suddenly realized.

_"Lady Elerta!" _Panicked voices of her many of her staff echoed, but the one from her security chief dominated. _"Skycar inbound! Covered by—"_ Yet another tremor interrupted the chief. _"Covered by laser fire from… from a _Reaper dreadnought. _It's tearing the base apart!"_

_"Shoot the skycar down!" _Elerta's mental voice growled the order. Maybe she could get rid of Vakarian right now, if only her commandos could do their job properly. She saw Ormelius flinch. He was really worried about his precious daughter, it seemed.

_"The damn flying squid is frying our automated systems with its lasers, and interfering with the homing systems on our rocket launchers! We can't stop it!"_

So much for fighting a Reaper dreadnought. Elerta's fists were clenched so hard she could feel her nails piercing the skin on her palms. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair.

She suddenly froze. If they had a Reaper with them powerful enough to do _this_, why were they bothering with sending a skycar and risk getting shot down? Have they just wanted to talk, or have they somehow found out—

_"We're losing squads!" _the security chief yelled through the mental link, her voice getting a desperate echo. _"Half of the modification labs are gone! Shit! It's locki—"_

There was a blood-curdling scream, and the chief disappeared from the mental connection. At the same time, the walls of her office creaked dangerously, with sparks shooting from various electrical installations.

In that moment Elerta did know real fear. This facility was the heart of the future of her race; its labs securing their ascension and her commandos protecting it from harm. All it took was a single attack from a single Reaper for her dream to crumble around her. Was this what her true power came down to?

_No._ Elerta shook her head. What was she thinking? This was a serious setback, yes, but she was so close. So close to unlocking the true power of the telepathic sphere in her possession. Then, not only she will have the lives of all the races in existence at her mercy, but also their minds. The old ones could bend anyone's mind to their will, and she was convinced she could do the same with enough practice. If only she could stall Vakarian, convince him she started to see things his way… Maybe it could give her enough time to achieve the long-awaited dream.

A smile twisted her lips even as the strongest blast yet knocked her on the floor, rising clouds of dust and smoke in the air. She quickly formed a biotic bubble around her, protecting her from the blast. Although her vision was partially obscured, she could still make out a fresh hole in the wall of her office, and several figures entering through it.

Coughing, she clambered to her feet. With a corner of her eye, she noticed Ormelius doing the same. Too bad. It's not like she would miss him.

The cloud had mostly settled by the time the figures reached her, and she could clearly see who they were: Vakarian, Ormelius' daughter and a geth. She couldn't help but notice that the two turians were standing close to each other, almost _too_ close. And there was something… protective in the way how Vakarian had his arm laid on the back of the female turian's cowl.

Well. That was an interesting development. Wasn't Vakarian interested only in her species after his human mate died? Elerta gave a small shrug and focused on figuring out the best way how to trick him. If it was talk he wanted, that's what he was going to get.

* * *

Using the skycar her father gave them as a dropship was Circuits' idea. Naduz and Garrus agreed wholeheartedly, counting on the supreme firepower of the former. Despite Atrin's initial misgivings, it went exactly as planned. It was _easy_ with a Reaper on their side.

She sat in the co-pilot's seat, her eyes wide, and watched the carnage caused by Naduz and his _green _lasers. In a corner of her mind she laughed at herself for expecting it to be red. Wasn't _everything_ tinted green in the past twenty-two years? Judging by the amused expression on Garrus' face, he was surprised, too.

Elerta's secret lab turned out to be a pre-war high-security facility, but for Naduz it posed no problem. No matter what defenses she attempted to deploy against them, their Reaper friend figured out how to neutralize them in no time. The whole thing played out like one of the numerous action vids based on the adventures of the _Normandy_ which were created after the war. And now she was _living_ in one, with the hero himself—

Atrin shook her head, fighting the traces of the fangirl still living in her. _You are above that_, she told herself sternly. _You are about to decide the fate of the entire galaxy, so stay focused, by the spirits!_

Naduz kept decimating the base, and finally punched a hole in what appeared to be Elerta's private office. Garrus parked the skycar deftly among the smoking rubble, his practiced eyes spotting a clear space immediately. As she got out of the car, Atrin felt her throat tightening, and her pulse speeding up. Her mandibles clenched tight to her jaw on their own.

It took one look from Garrus to notice her fear. He wasn't just an action hero from the vids and stories anymore. He was an actual person, with his own hidden scars and fears. Through this weaker side to him they bonded, to the point where he admitted that he cared for her. His arm found its way to the back of her cowl, and she found herself breathing more easily. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant a lot to her. It _showed_ that he cared.

_"I'll keep the commandos busy with my lasers," _Naduz spoke within their minds suddenly. _"I'll try to focus on structural damage and prevent them from reaching you. I won't be able to assist with Elerta, unfortunately, unless you don't mind being disintegrated."_

_"I still say you should have just zapped her and be done with it," _Circuits replied. _"I don't think she'll come around."_

_"Enough!" _Garrus cut him off. _"We decided to have a talk with her and that's what we're doing."_

As they faced the pompous asari in a tacky ceremonial robe – Elerta, she presumed – something inside her prayed that his care would one day turn into—

Her gaze fell on the familiar face behind Elerta, and she drew a sharp breath. All romantic thoughts disappeared from her mind as she stared into the eyes of her father. He was… not himself, but in a good way. His eyes were dark and determined, but also filled with regret.

Tearing her gaze from her father's, Atrin focused on Elerta. Her experienced eyes noted that she, although still an asari, looked _different_. The change was subtle, but noticeable if you knew what to look for. Atrin had dedicated her life to knowing the secrets of synthesis and its possibilities, and to her it was obvious that Elerta was heavily modded. Just like Reena, she realized. Both asari had the same air of superiority around them, too. Atrin hoped it was because they shared their personality traits and not from their mods. Synthesis wasn't supposed to turn you in a cold-blooded lunatic, was it?

"So you didn't kill me," Elerta began, her voice sounding surprisingly mellow given the situation she was in. "I'm grateful." Behind her, Atrin noticed her father staring at the asari with a quizzical look in his eyes.

Garrus removed his hand from her cowl and kept perfectly still as his eyes met Elerta's. It was obvious he didn't trust her.

"I almost told Naduz to just blow your base apart," he spoke calmly. "Lucky for you I'm more curious then violent." He showed her Reena's circuits-erasing device. "Recognize this? It's been modded to kill asari by Atrin. I won't hesitate to use it if you cause any problems."

Elerta took a step back, and her eyes went wide for a moment before taking control of herself again. "N-now, there's no need for that."

"Is it?" Garrus asked, and Atrin felt his subharmonics resonating with anger. She wondered if the non-turians present could even comprehend how hard he was trying to hold back and not kill her right away. "You plan on killing billions on innocents. I can't say I was the best example of being adapted to synthesis well, but I'd never consider killing them off like you do. If I didn't want to hear _why_, you'd be dead already."

"Planned," Elerta said in a nearly sing-song voice, putting emphasis on the past tense. "Planned. Not anymore."

The green glow in Garrus' eyes was sharp and cold, not leaving Elerta's even for a second. He waited for her to continue.

"When I… When I found out that our ancient gods were Protheans," Elerta began, her voice wavering, "it seemed natural to turn to them. Our lives were turned upside-down in a moment, and—and it's logical to turn back to the true-and-tried beliefs in such situations, isn't it?" She took a shaky breath. "I wasn't alone in such thoughts. I gathered followers and brought them here, seeking perfection, and we were well on the road to it. Once we gathered such power, I—we wanted to protect it. Suddenly, every tool, every method didn't seem too harsh if it could grant us keeping what we gained. We were led astray…"

The old Atrin, the director of SRI Atrin would have probably fallen for this by this point. However, the _new_ Atrin, the experienced Atrin refused to take the bait and lost Elerta's little speech. _She's afraid, _Atrin realized. _She's afraid Garrus will kill her, and is trying to stall for time._

To her surprise, Atrin found out that she doesn't have a problem with the idea of killing her anymore. This woman as a cold manipulator and about to commit genocide. The blood of all those people will be on their hands if they don't stop her.

She never had a chance to find out what Garrus or Circuits meant, because someone else spoke up, cutting Elerta off.

"Don't listen to anything this woman says!" Kalen Ormelius' voice was a surprise for everyone. "She was berating me for going soft a moment before you arrived. I doubt she had a change of heart so quickly."

Atrin stared at her father with shock mixed with pride.

"You—" Elerta began, but Kalen cut her off again.

"Enough. Not even a senile hanar would fall for you anymore." He turned to face Atrin. "My judgment in the past was _worse_ than a senile hanar's, but I… I loved Nyla." He took a deep breath, but quickly continued. "I followed her into the radical groups, and… and they don't let you go easily. I got mixed up too deeply to get out, and when the change came… " He made another pause. Atrin felt something tug at her chest. How long was this conversation waiting to happen? How many times had she written off her father as a spineless racist and left it at that? Would things have gone differently if she had reached out for him? "…I continued in the same vein. Joining with Elerta seemed—"

A blast of green biotics knocked them all down. Atrin ended up on the floor in a crumpled heap. In the next moment she was trapped in a stasis field. With a corner of her eye she could see that the others were, too.

"Sorry for interrupting the family reunion." She heard Elerta's voice, again with that unnaturally cold note from her speeches. "I'm afrai— ah!"

Garrus broke free of the stasis field, just like he did with Reena, Atrin noted although she didn't have a good angle from her position on the floor. Elerta tried to capture him again, but he broke free again in seconds. He was getting adapted. No matter how many cocoons of green light she created around him, he always broke free.

Atrin saw the killing device in his hand flash and hum as he activated it. He was getting closer and closer. Soon, this will all be over.

Elerta put all her efforts in one final push and let out another blast, slamming Garrus against the wall and kept a constant stream of energy to pin him. Not just pin, Atrin realized with horror in the moment, but to _crush_ him slowly against the wall. The drain on her biotic powers was immense, however, and Atrin felt the stasis field dissipate around her. Elerta just couldn't maintain it all together, and everyone except Garrus was freed.

As Atrin fumbled to get on her feet, her hand touched a small object on the floor. It was the still-activated killing device. It must have fallen out of Garrus' hand with that final blast. She picked it up, and looked at it. Then she looked at Elerta, who was completely absorbed in her attempt to kill Garrus. She knew what she had to do. Garrus just whimpered weakly, and that gave her the strength needed.

In the next moment she did it.

* * *

The crushing force withdrew. He slid down the wall and slumped on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Another brush with death added to his list. With a groan, he tried to clamber back to his feet and figure out what exactly happened. He couldn't. His limbs felt just too weak. Closing his eyes, he tried to gather strength.

Two strong, metallic arms helped him up. Garrus opened his eyes and found himself face-to-flashlight with Circuits. "You okay?" the geth asked.

"Yeah," Garrus ground out barely, although he felt like someone just ran over him with a Tomkah truck.

He was still dizzy, so he leaned on Circuits for support for a few more moments. Inwardly, he was being pissed off at himself for not lasering the asari bitch and her lab from orbit. Atrin nearly screwed everything up. Well, he got too cocky, too by thinking he could block any biotic attack with the technique Naduz showed him earlier, but this was her—

He regained his breath and the room stopped spinning before his eyes. What he saw made him regret the thought immediately. Elerta's twisted body lay in the middle of the room, the circuits from it gone. Her face was frozen in an expression of pain, but Garrus felt only satisfaction as he stared it at it. Next to Elerta – he felt his insides cringe – next to her body was Atrin, kneeling, her head bowed low, with Reena's Eraser dangling from her taloned fingers. Her father was by her side, hugging her cowl and whispering something Garrus couldn't figure out.

_She saved me. Again. And she had to kill to do it._

"She's… not well," Circuits stated the obvious.

Garrus swallowed hard and moved away from the geth, feeling steady on his feet again. After only a few steps he stopped, not really knowing how to make Atrin feel better. What was he supposed to say, _we should've bombed her from orbit,_ or _it should've been me_? Either option was making him feel terribly guilty.

His gaze fell on the desk on the other side of the room and on the blue glowing sphere resting on top of it. Before his eyes flashed an image of a giant squid creature swimming underwater, a blue sphere on the ocean floor, and many, _many_ other spheres scattered around the galaxy. He was quite sure that every star cluster had at least one.

The images stopped as abruptly as they started, leaving him confused for a moment. Was this the cipher given to them by the rachni queen? Was it like the Prothean cipher given to Shepard? He shook his head and moved to the desk. Picking up the sphere, he stared at it for several long moments before moving back to Atrin. The _honor_ should be hers. If it was a good idea at all.

_It is,_ he told himself as he walked. _We can't go on like this._

A few more steps.

_Teresa gave us a gift and we nearly squandered it by sticking to the old ways of life, although it was obvious they don't apply anymore._

He got a little closer.

_The geth are connected to each other, and yet keep their individuality. It's going to work, it's…_

He reached Atrin.

Crouching down next to her, he patted her on the shoulder lightly. She lifted her head and gasped when she noticed the telepathic device. Garrus assumed she was going through the cipher experience and waited until she was through it.

"It's time, isn't it?" she said with that grim determination he knew from before, taking the sphere from him. Garrus nodded, noticing how blank her eyes looked. She stared at the device, her eyes increasing their glow. The device changed its glow too and emitted sounds that reminded him of the rachni song. This lasted for several long moments.

"Fascinating!" Atrin exclaimed, her mandibles flaring up. The blankness from her eyes was mostly gone. "There's a huge network of these all around the galaxy." He nodded, glad that he was able to figure something out of the confusing mess of images he saw. "We could use them as, um, telepathic relays, boosting our natural ability until it grows enough we can do it without help."

"You think we'll be able to do that?" Garrus still had a hard time imagining a constant telepathic connection without aid.

"I… think," she hesitated, "it's hard to give estimates from this point."

Circuits approached them and said with obvious joy coming from his vocalizer: "Like I said, we'd be glad to welcome you in our consensus."

"What are you talking about?" Ormelius asked, confusion clear on his face. Neither of them replied. He'll know soon enough.

_"Go on, Atrin," _Naduz said. _"It's how it was supposed to be all this time. Do it."_

Her eyes increased their glow again, but nothing else of note happened for quite a while. Was it working? Maybe it wasn't how it was supposed to be? Maybe—

Garrus suddenly felt like his mind left his body and plunged in an ocean of _presences_. Voices. Images. It was too overwhelming. He found himself swept by a powerful current, lacking any control.

He didn't know for how long it had lasted when he heard a female voice. "Garrus? Is that you?"

It was… familiar.

Following the sound of the voice, he gained some control and found himself in front of…

"Sol?"

"It… it _is_ you! What—what the hell happ—"

_Somehow, _they established a direct mental connection, far stronger than any telepathy either of them was capable of until then. They could see each other's memories from the last few days.

"Oh spirits, you weren't lying about being busy!" Solana gasped at the same time as Garrus whispered a quiet _No. _"It's my fault. I should have told you what was really happening, but—"

"No way."

"I was so angry because he kept asking for you. I—I mean, it was me who took care of him for all this time, and he asks for you _now_ after what you said to each other, and face the truth Big G, you _were_ drunk for days this time of year for the past two dec—"

"Sol… you didn't tell me that our father was dying," Garrus whispered desperately. "Just that you have something urgent to discuss."

"I—I didn't know what you were going through… that you were saving us again. I—"

_"Garrus." _A disembodied echo interrupted her. He recognized it as Naduz. _"I'm pulling you back. You are not ready to connect like this yet. Don't push yourself too hard."_

Something jolted him, and he found himself in the real world again. He was lying on the floor of Elerta's office, with Atrin holding his head. She stared at his face intently.

"Good, he's coming to," she said to someone behind her using her real voice, and for some reason it sounded strange. "You alright? We all blacked out for a moment, but not this long—Hey! What's wrong?"

_It's too late,_ he thought, not really paying attention to what she said. _I wasn't there. _Atrin's face disappeared in a blur. He was crying. He was crying his eyes out.

* * *

It was an enormous change, but in the end it turned out to be easier than any of them expected. After a week of getting lost in the collective, accidental connections and broken mental shields, Atrin could finally say that she mastered her new abilities. The Reapers were as helpful as they were immediately after the war, only this time they were building something new, something the galaxy haven't seen before. The geth and the rachni joined them in their efforts, and the galactic community could say they were on the path to true unity.

Her father returned to Palaven with her. The Hierarchy and other governments got outdated the instant she did what she did, but other turians still looked at him as their leader. This time, he really acted like one, helping people adapt to the best of his ability. She was glad he did so, and didn't act upon some of the... darker thoughts she noticed in his mind.

Not everything was perfect, of course. Elerta's followers slammed their mental shields, keeping their minds away from everyone. So did Harbinger, some of the other older Reapers, and a number of members of the rest of the known species. Still, they were a part of the new community whether they liked it or not, and Atrin could only hope they would see the light one day and join them. It wasn't like they could do any real harm now. There was time to adapt.

Just like Circuits had said, they were still individuals. Each of them had their hopes and dreams still intact. They could shield their minds at any time, protecting their thoughts from any prying mental eyes. The new union was an improvement, not a replacement. Nothing could replace seeing someone smile, hearing his voice, feeling his touch…

She sighed, and looked at the turian sitting on the ground in front of a grave. He slammed his mental shields too, and spent most of his time locked up in his home. She would give anything to feel his presence again in any form, but was afraid to disturb him. She knew how much he cared for those he lost, and was afraid of his reaction.

_"Go to him," _Atrin heard the mental voice of his sister. She had spoken to Solana several times ever since they got back from Thessia and learned what happened from her. _"I saw you in his mind when we connected accidentally, and… he loves you."_

Atrin left the row of trees she was hiding behind, and approached Garrus, hugging him from behind, pushing against his mental shield, banging against it, pleading to let her in. She won't let him wallow in guilt like he did after Shepard's death. She won't.

After a while he gave in. He opened his mind to her, and turned around to face her. "I'm so glad you're here," he said and his mind confirmed his words.

Nothing could replace physical touch. Atrin touched her forehead to his, and they stayed like that for a while, still connected mentally.

Then he invited her home, saying how awfully empty his house felt. She knew what he really asked, it was clear from his mind, and agreed more than happily to the idea. Knowing that he could see it too only made her even more eager.

Ever since she had killed Elerta, Atrin had trouble sleeping, but that night she drifted away happily in Garrus' arms, not waking until Trebia was high in the sky. Garrus slept even longer, finally finding some peace.

* * *

**There will be one more chapter, showing what happened a year after.**


	21. Future

Chapter 21: Future

The glass panel was cool to the touch, despite the heat inside the area it shielded. Garrus leaned his forehead on it, and looked at the oval object with one pointy end inside it. The green circuits on it shifted in a pattern that was a combination of Atrin's and his. It was his pride and joy already, so he could only wonder how proud he would be in a week when it was due. His mandibles fluttered in a smile. After all that's happened, this ended up being his greatest achievement. Well, his and Atrin's.

They hadn't planned on it. They've only been busy with all the new aspects of their relationship after they bonded, and basic biology still had its way. Yes, it was thrilling to join their minds in a way that made _embracing eternity_ pale in comparison, but nothing could replace good, old sex. It was surprising for him at first how eager she was, but maybe it shouldn't have been. She has always been passionate about things she loved. One morning she shook him awake, saying that she could feel the egg inside her. Garrus panicked, and took her to the doctor. Her suspicions were confirmed, and they were sent home with an egg and a heater (a nifty invention that was, allowing parents to be free and not provide heat with their bodies like it was when they were primitive). When they had set the heater up and placed the egg inside, Garrus felt his nervousness fade away and pride replacing it. He was going to be a father.

Still staring at his egg, their egg, their future child, he reflected on the past year. He found peace. He finally found peace. He would still get bad memories or flashbacks from time to time, but no emotional breakdowns. He could face them now and come out victorious, because there was someone by his side at all times (literally, with the telepathic connection). When he sat up in their bed gasping from a nightmare, she was there to pull him down and embrace him. When he felt anxiety, she was with him no matter how far she was physically. He reconciled with Sol. He grieved for his father, but didn't let it weigh him down. He moved on. There was a place for him in the galaxy, after all.

The only thing that bothered him was the anniversary which was coming up next week. Sure, he could connect to his old friends any time he wanted now, but there was still something in meeting someone in person and hearing their real voice. Besides, that was a very special day, dedicated to a very special person. No matter what happened, how much things had changed, not a single person in the galaxy could forget Teresa Shepard and miss to give her the honor she deserved. Still, Atrin was his bondmate now and their child was about to hatch. They were his primary responsibility now. His mental presence would have to be en— _did the egg just move?_

Garrus blinked and froze still. _Not now!_

Atrin wasn't at home. She took the opportunity while he was working on a painting to stretch her legs and visit Knows-Many-Things. It turned out that his inspiration wasn't as great as he thought first, so he came by to check on the egg and got lost in thought. And the egg just moved. And by all the medical info he absorbed, it meant that it was going to hatch _very_ soon.

_Dammit, Atrin, did you have to leave now?!_

He stared at the egg even more intently than before. Nothing happened for a while. He had almost convinced himself it was just his imagination when it moved again, this time rocking back and forth a little. And as he continued to stare, a crack appeared in it.

Garrus jumped to his feet so abruptly that the chair he sat on crashed behind him. He didn't really care as he searched for Atrin's mental presence, panicked out of his mind.

* * *

"Awww, she's so cute," Liara exclaimed as Garrus projected the mental image of his daughter into the minds of his friends. He knew she was just being polite. To him, she was the very embodiment of cuteness, but the rational part of him knew that week old turians were skinny and spiky creatures, dangerous to touch for anyone without plated skin.

"What's her name?" Tali wanted to know.

"Tana," he replied with a huge grin flexing his mandibles. He and Atrin decided on a simple, modern turian name. No ancient rulers of the past or famous human commanders.

Tali pouted. "Yeah, yeah, I take back what I said last year. Now stop grinning at me like that." He chuckled and clapped her shoulder.

She didn't wear the suit anymore, Garrus realized for the hundredth time since they've met up this year. He didn't mind, the new clothes suited her well, but to him Tali was inseparable from her suit. It seemed he wasn't the only one who learned to let the past go during the last year. They telepathic unity made them all turn towards the future now.

He was so glad he got the chance to see them again in person. His own mind would probably picture Tali still with a suit on, and not with fancy, newly designed quarian clothes. Meeting face-to-face could never be replaced, no matter their telepathic connection.

Atrin sent him to Earth despite his protests. _"I'm not a mammal,"_ she said, _"I can take care for the baby on my own for one day. I know you'll be grumpy for the rest of the year if you don't go, so off with you!"_ He couldn't say how much he was thankful to the spirits for his considerate wife. It was a gift, a blessing he was almost certain he didn't deserve.

EDI and Joker were looking at each other with such hope in their eyes. They didn't have to vocalize their thoughts. The others almost didn't have to use the telepathic connection to figure out what they were thinking. Everyone knew they dreamed about having a child of their own. Atrin had assured him that one day it will indeed be possible, and Garrus hoped they would all live to see it.

"Time for the quotes game?" EDI said, upholding the tradition. They all nodded.

As he lifted his gaze, thinking about which quote to say, the statue of Teresa took his attention. Strange, this time it didn't look powerful or menacing at all. It was almost as if she was smiling at him, watching silently from above. Suddenly, he knew which quote to nominate for the game. The true one.

He'll never forget her and her love. He'll also never let it burden him again.

* * *

Tana's wails woke him up in the dead of the night. Atrin was curled up next to him, fast asleep. A day with the baby on her own must have been more exhausting than she expected.

Garrus dragged his tired, jumplag-beaten body out of the bed, picked up Tana, and carried her out of the room. Atrin deserved some rest, and this was the least he could do. As he carried the screaming bundle in his arms to the living room, he asked himself how such a small body could produce such loud noises. He still had a lot to learn.

Standing in the middle of the living room, he rocked the child gently in his arms, murmuring an old lullaby he remembered from his mother. She was a bit small, but otherwise healthy. A week more or less in the egg usually didn't matter. He was so _stupid_ to panic like he did that day. Atrin was far more collected than he was, with a smirk in her mandibles whenever she looked at him. Ah well, it only showed that he cared, didn't it?

Tana quieted down after a while, her green, innocent eyes taking notice of the huge window dominating the room. There was not a cloud in the sky, and Menae was up, large and round. Whenever it was full, Nanus would set early, leaving it to reign the sky and steal the light from the stars. It was a familiar sight for Garrus, but Tana stared at it with such awe it made his heart melt.

He didn't think that week old babies could even notice such things. Apparently, they could. He moved closer to the window, shifting Tana in his arms so she could take a better look. "That's Menae," he began, "one of the moons. It's, uh, a big hunk of rock orbiting, uh, going around, an even larger hunk of rock we're standing on right now. And together they're orbiting— oh never mind, you'll figure it out one day."

He chuckled to himself. It was pretty hard to explain things you took for granted to someone who had no clue about them. Still, talking to his daughter felt good. He was almost certain she could understand him, even without the telepathic connection (the little ones had a natural shield against the connection, the scientists of the galaxy discovered, probably to protect them against too many new experiences in the early years).

"Many years ago, your dad was in a bit of a bad situation up there," he began again. "You see, that was back when the Reapers were still bad. They attacked us, and we had to defend ourselves. Your daddy was part of the defensive army, and things weren't going well. Then, _she _showed up, like a spirit of salvation in a human body. She brought me out of there, and…"

Garrus continued on with the story of The Reaper War, exaggerating and sanitizing where he saw fit. One day he would tell her everything—_everything_, but for now she could get the heroic version. There was time. There were no scary monsters lurking in the shadows, waiting for the moment you close your eyes. She could keep her innocence for a long time.

Standing by the window with Tana in his arms, spinning the grand tales of the past, Garrus could for the first time in his life truly say that he looked forward to the future facing him.

**-END-**

**See? I can write a happy ending, too! Garrus deserved it, after all I put him through in this story.**

**Thanks to all who endured to the end, I hope you enjoyed the story!**


End file.
